Chapter 2 "Where it All Began"

It's been a week since the whole text slip up. I had no intentions on trying to have any contact with Sean.  I was trying to avoid him as much as possible, but it was so hard when all I could do is think about him. The way he held me when we danced, his smile, his laugh, and him. Im can't believe that I am really going through this right now. For as long as I been knowing Sean, I've never seen him in that type of way. But it was something about that night that caused me to feel different. God knows I love Antonio with all my heart, but could it be that I was beginning to feel for another man. I wish I could just talk to Sean, but I'm unsure of how things would go and what he would say. Im not even sure of how i would react to him if i were to see him. But this was something I wasnt in the mood to think about at the moment, I figured I would just deal with it when the time comes. Since I was already out and about, I decided I would do a little shopping to take my mind off things. I pulled up to Intermix and it was crowded with paparazzi and people. I parked right outside the door so that I could just run right in. When I got in the store I did a lot of looking around, when I found something I liked I went to try it on in the dressing room. After about the 4th outfit I tried on, I was leaving out the dressing room when I heard somebody shouting my name. I turned around to see who it was and too my luck it was SEAN. He also had a guy with him. It must have been his friend or something. Immediately my heart started racing. I was for sure I was going to pass out when I saw him walking my way.


(Sean) "Well what's up stranger" he said trying to hug me. 

(Bey) standing with her hands in her pocket "Hey" I said, trying to remain calm. 

I was so nervous, I didn't even know what to say. The fact that he was seeming like everything was all good made me want to freak out even more. He must of sensed something was wrong with me, when I didn't hug him back.

(Sean) "Whats up with you, you seem all tense?" 

(Bey) "Oh no, I'm fine. I just had a long day thats all." I said lying.

(Kanye) walking up "Hello, Im Kanye, Im Jay's friend and you are..." extending out his hand.

(Bey) "Hi, im Beyonce" she said shaking his hand.

(Kanye) "Nice to meet you."

(Bey) ''you too"

(Sean) looking at Ye "Uhm, Beyonce do mind if I talk to you outside for a min"

(Bey's thoughts) Oh god. What is he going to say? What's going to happen from here? What if he brings up the text, How am I going to react. I just felt so uncomfortable.

(Bey) hesitant to answer "yea, we can go outside"

When we got outside, my hands and knees started shaking. I was so nervous, i thought i was going to be sick. The second he opened his mouth, I felt my heart start pounding against my chest.

(Sean) "I know you lied to me earlier, when I asked you were you okay."

(Bey) Having a dumb look on her face "Lying?? What would make you think that?"

(Sean) "Well first off, when I called your name, you turned around and looked at me as if i were a ghost. Then when I came to hug you, you just stood there, then third---"

(Bey) "Okay, Okay, Okay....yes something is bothering me."I interrupted

(Sean) "So talk to me, Whats up? Tell me whats on your mind."

(Bey) Takes a deep breathe "The other night when you texted me, you know the night of my party..?"

(Sean) nodding his head "uhm-hmm"

(Bey) "Well the text that I had sent to you, it wasn't meant for you, well not like that, I mean I didn't mean to send it, I mean I do like you, wait not like you, like you but..." I was so nervous I was talking so fast and stumbling over my words, Im not even sure if Sean was comprehending. 

(Sean) starts to laugh "Waoh slow down girl and take a breath" he said grabbing Bey by the shoulders. "Yea, i got your text the other day and I kind of figured it wasn't meant for me, Hell I just figured you were drunk texting..."

(Bey's thoughts) When Sean started laughing, at first I thought he was making fun of me. 

But as he went on I realized he was trying to make light out of the situation by joking around, showing me that he wasn't really tripping on it and I shouldn't be either. He was so understanding and smooth about it, it kind of turned me on. Ugh, I wish I didn't feel this way. I never been so mind gone in all my life.

(Bey) cracking a smile 

(Sean) "I don't want to put you in an awkward position. Your the soon to be wife of one of my good friends, But I can't lie though, I am feeling you. Let's just put that night behind us and make as though it never happened...okay friend." he said reaching out to hug Bey.

(Bey) full of relief "Okay, ......friend" she mocked, hugging him back.

(Sean) starts to laugh "Well now that that is all cleared up, what you got planned for the rest of the day?"

(Bey) "Im not sure yet, I just been doing a few things here and there,............. Oh and Im suppose to meet up with Kelly. though" I lied about the last part.

(Sean) "Oh okay, well I was thinking maybe if you wanted, you could come by the studio and check me out."

(Bey) pondering on the idea "hmmm, I'll let you know, it all depends on the timing of things."

(Sean) "alright"

(Bey) "Well Im about to get ready and go, send me a text of the whereabouts just in case." starts walking to the car.

(Sean) starts walking back in the store"Okay" turns around "Oh and Beyonce?"

(Bey) rolling down the window "Yes?"

(Sean) "Don't ever feel like you can't tell me anything, I'm an honest man and I can respect an honest person." he said in a comforting tone, looking back at Bey.

(Bey) smiling and says "Okay" then drives off.

The whole car ride I just thought about me and Sean's conversation. I was expecting something totally different, I thought I would feel weird about the situation afterwards but I wasn't. Sean was so reasonable and calm about the situation. He was so real, honest, and open and I really admired that about him. Despite the other night happening, I still feel me and Sean can remain friends, well as long as we just keep it at a friend level. My thoughts soon became interrupted when Tony started calling. I quickly answered the phone.

(Bey) "Hey baby...." I said with excitement

(Tony) "Whats up my BB, what are you up too."

(Bey) "Oh nothing, about to pull up at the house. I miss you Papi!!"

(Tony) "I miss you too babe and where you coming from?"

(Bey) I froze, I didn't want to tell him I ran into Sean, although I'm sure he wouldn't care, but because of the other night i just felt i shouldn't.

(Tony) "Baby, you there?" he said getting impatient.

(Bey) "Huh, what, ....they were doing construction in the road..." I said lying "But I was coming from Intermix, i had did a little shopping."

(Tony) "oh okay, well I just wanted to call you before I went in to training, but I'm walking in now So i'll call you later"

(Bey) "Okay, love you"

(Tony) "Love you more, bye"

I pulled into the garage of my condo, I was feeling a little tired so I decided to take a nap. I slept for about 2 or 3 hours. When I woke up it was about 5 o'clock. I checked my phone for any missed calls or messages. I had a text from Kelly and Sean and a call from my mom. Before texting Kelly back I called my mom. There was no need to text back Sean because he just sent me the location of where his studio was.

(Bey) "Hey ma..."

(Mama Tina) "Hey, what were you doing,....... sleeping?" she said, I guess she heard the tireness in my voice.

(Bey) "yea"

(Mama Tina) "Well I was just reminding you about Sunday dinner and just wanted to know if your were still coming."

(Bey) "Of course ma, Have i ever missed a Sunday dinner."

(Mama Tina) starts laughing " No.....but well alright baby, Ima let you go. Solange wants me to take her over a friends house, so Ill just talk too you later. "

(Bey) "Alright ma, tell Solo i said hey."

(Mama Tina) "Okay, love you"

(Bey) "Love you too, bye"

No sooner after I was hanging up with my mom, Kelly started calling......

(Bey) "Dang, can you at least give me a chance to call you back" I said teasing Kelly

(Kelly) "Oh shut up" starts laughing "What are you doing?"

(Bey) "Just waking up..."

(Kelly) "Girl are you pregnant" she joked "do you know what time it is"

(Bey) "OH GOD NO" i chuckled 

(Kelly) "hahaha, well I'll be pulling up in a min so unlock the door."

(Bey) "Hold up who told you too come over" I said playfully.

(Kelly) "Uhm Kelendria Rowland did" she shot back.

(Bey) Laughing "It's unlock"

(Kelly) "Better had" then hangs up.

A few mins laters, Kelly was walking through the door. Bey was in the kitchen looking in the fridge.

(Kelly) "Whats up girl" she said smacking me on the butt.

(Bey) "Ow you bitch" i said trying to hit her back, but she ran. 

(Kelly) walking into the living room "You wanna take a ride with me" 

(Bey) following behind Kelly "Where too?"

(Kelly) "Stop asking and get dressed."

 I walked into the room to get dressed. I through on a nice dress, because i didn't know we were going, I made sure it was appropriate for any occasion. And judging by what Kelly had on I knew that I was good to go. We rode around for about 25 mins and stopped at the park. If I would have known we were going to the park, i would have dressed down a little bit. I didn't mind though going to the park, it was nice to just relax for a change. We walked up in down West 40th street for  a little while, just sight seeing and what not before going to the park. We stopped by a little ice cream stand to get some ice cream, then made our way to the park. We found a nice area to sit and talk. 

(Kelly) "gosh it feels good out here" kelly said stretching out her arms. 

(Bey) "Yes it does"

(Kelly) "Have you ever just thought back about your life and thought about how different things would have been if you would have did something else. 

(Bey) "Yea all the time..."

(Kelly) "I mean its like we could have been anything we wanted but we both ended up 

doing something we love."
(Bey) just nodding along

(Kelly) "Remember our group Girls Time" she started laughing "and we use to always be at mom's shop putting on performance and shit"

(Bey) laughing "Oh my god yes" i said a little embarrassed " We were so young. I always think about what would of happened if I would of became a singer, we could of had us a group"

(Kelly) "Lowkey, i use to want to be a chef, I stayed watching Mama Tina in the kitchen"

Kelly was about 8 or 9 when she first moved with us. Her mom use to work for us as our house keeper. Kelly's mom was being abused by Kelly's dad until one day she decided to finally leave him. Since we had been knowing them for a long time, my mom said it was okay for Kelly to stay with us so that Ms. Rowland could get herself together. I've been knowing Kelly ever since and we've been the best of friends, we were practically like sisters. In fact she was my sister, i didn't look at her any different.

(Bey) "Why you talking I use to want to be  painter, it was something I always wanted to do"

(Kelly) "Yea, your ass was always drawing up something."

We both laughed. It got quiet for a min, I began to look around and examine our environment. When I looked across the street, i could have sworn I saw Sean, but when I looked again I saw that it was a guy that looked like him. Man I just really can't get this guy off my mind. It seems as though everything I was doing and seeing reminded me of Sean. I tried to shake the thoughts of Sean out of my head and they completely went away when Kelly started shouting my name.

(Kelly) "BEY!!!!!" kelly shouted

(Bey) "huh, what" i said snapping back into reality.

(Kelly) "Are you okay, it looked like you were thinking really hard about something."

(Bey) "Oh yea Im fine, i just was day dreaming" i said lying.

(Kelly) giving me a look, letting me know she knew I was lying "Do I have fool tattooed on my head or something, I know you Bey, well enough to know when your lying"
And she was right, I could never lie to Kelly because she always caught me. But I couldn't tell her what I was feeling, because I wasn't sure myself what it was that I was feeling. 

(Bey) "Do you believe that things could last forever, you know like are there somethings that just meant to be."

(Kelly) giving bey a confused look "Im not exactly sure what you are talking about, but things are only what you make them to be. Why did you ask that?"

(Bey) before i could catch them, the words slipped out of my mouth "I think I'm starting to catch feelings for another guy."

(Kelly) "WHAT!?" she said completely thrown off from the conversation "How, with who, and when did this happen."

(Bey) Takes a deep breath "The night of the party, with  Sean or Jay, whatever you wanna call him."

(Kelly) "Beeeeeeeeeey!" she said all lost for words.

(Bey) "I know Kel, I'm so confused. Im not even sure if I really feel that way about him. All 

I know is I can't stop thinking about him. Just a min ago, I could have sworn I saw him walking down the street. then the night of the party after i got home i sent him a text that was meant for To--"

Kelly cuts me off, still trying to grasp hold of what I just told her. We talked some more and I explained to her everything from start to finish, not leaving anything out. Talking to Kelly actually feels good. She was always somebody I could go talk to. She told me the truth, straight up and was so real and straight forward. She was somebody I could really trust and she never judged me.

(Kelly) "Look here Bey, ima just tell you like this, you and Tony been together your whole childhood, he was the only guy you ever really dated. Your a successful, young, smart,  and a beautiful woman and you have your whole life ahead of you...." she started saying

(Bey) focusing on Kelly and what she was saying 

(Kelly) "Tony is a famous athlete and you know the type of lifestyle that comes with,  you guys are set to be married and thats a whole other type of deal. Do you think your really ready for all of that? Especially with dealing with your own career."

(Bey) "You know i think abut that all the time, but Tony and I are in love. We had are ups and downs, but nothing never as serious as something like this. As much as I want to be with Tony, I always seem to feel that I'm missing out on life and experiencing woman hood"

(Kelly) "All Im saying Bey is you have to do what best for you. It's your life and you don't want to look back having regrets saying what if, you know. You have your whole life to be in love, Im just saying have some fun. Your my girl and I got your back through whatever,  as long as your happy, Im fine with what ever you do." 

( Bey) smiling "Aww thanks Kelly, I just loooove you, you always know what to say. But 

it's still a lot lot to think about...and i can tell you that after this conversation i feel so much better, it's like I can think more clearly."
(Kelly) "I understand. And no problem. Like i said, your my girl and I got your back forever and always. And I love you too." she said hugging me ".......Alright, so are you ready to go?"
(Bey) "Yea, lets go."

We were at the park for almost 2 hours. On the way home Kelly and I talked some more about the whole situation. I was glad I was able to talk to at least somebody about this. The last person I wanted to talk to was my mom. She would have a heart attack if she found out. We pulled up to my condo and I said goodbye to Kelly, on a normal day she would have stayed but I had a early photo shoot tomorrow so I was calling it a night. I got in the house and took a nice long bubble bath and changed into my pajamas. After that I went off to bed.

It was now morning, around 8 o'clock I was getting ready to head out for my photo shoot I had at 10. I was leaving out early because I had to do hair and makeup. The shoot wasn't too far from me either, so it didn't take long to get their. I called for my driver to take me because I normally don't drive on work days. On my way their Tony called me.

(Bey) "Hey babe..."

(Tony) "Whats up and good morning beautiful."

(Bey) "Goodmorning"

(Tony) "What are you up too this morning?"

(Bey) "Nothing on my way to a photo shoot, what about you?"

(Tony) "Just getting out the shower, I got treatment in an hour."

(Bey) "How's that been going?"

(Tony) "Its been alright, this treatment has been hectic, but it's worth it."

(Bey) "They better not be hurting my baby or Im come up there!" I snapped.

(Tony) laughing "Chill baby, calm down. Im in good hands."

(Bey) laughing "OK, well baby I'm getting ready to pull up to the shoot, ill call you later or you call me when you get out of treatment."

(Tony) "Ok baby, love you"

(Bey) "I love you too" hangs up 

When I got their it was a lot people in the area. When they saw that it was me, they started screaming my name and acting crazy. I just waved and kept on walking. The theme for the photo was a biker chick. I loved every minute of the shoot. It was so exciting. 

After reviewing the pictures, all I could do was smile. I thought the pictures came out nice. It was like another side of me. When ever I'm in front of a camera it's like something takes over me, my alter ego. It's like I become a whole other person. My cousin always calls me Sasha, so i think thats what i'll call her. After about a 5 hour shoot, I was set to go. Before stopping home, I stopped at one of my favorite restaurants to pick up some pasta. I was sooooooo hungry. I couldn't wait to taste it. I walked into the place and the first person I saw was SEAN. OMG, it's bad enough that I thought I saw him yesterday and now I'm actually seeing him. This is crazy how I keep running into him. I mean I know we stay in the same city, but what are the odds of us keep running into each other. He was sitting there with his hands at his face as if he were thinking about something. And boy was he looking good. He had a suit on but his jacket was off. He cleans up well. I tried to play it off as if i didn't see him, but he made sure that i did.

(Sean) "Oh so what you don't see me sitting here" he said as I passed him up.

(Bey) "Oh hey Sean, I didn't even see you right there..." knowing damn well i was lying.

(Sean) "Let you tell it, if i didn't know any better I would say you were trying to avoid me?" he said playfully.

(Bey) "Whaaaaat..." i said in my innocent voice "psssh, no it's not like that."

(Sean) giving me a look "So what are you doing here?"

(Bey) "Well i was just getting out a photo shoot and I was feeling hungry so I stopped here to get something to eat. What are you doing here?" i said back.

(Sean) "Im just getting out a business meeting, I normally stop in here every other day to grab a bite to eat, this is one of my favorite spots."

(Bey) "Really mines too..."

(Sean) "Word."

(Bey) "Yea, I loooooove their pasta. It's my favorite."

(Sean) "Thats funny, I love their pasta too. Thats what I just order" he said smiling

(Bey) "That is too crazy, I was just going to order that."

(Sean) starts laughing "Aw man that is crazy...." he said "well how about you join me and we can eat our pasta together?"

(Bey) "Well I would but I didn't drive today, I was just doing a stop and go."

(Sean) "Oh okay, well I'll just catch up with you later." he said getting up to hug me. 

(Bey) "Okay............ What you doing later?" i asked.

(Sean) "Ill be in the studio again today..." still standing

(Bey) "Oh okay, maybe ill stop by. Just let me know when you'll be there."

(Sean) "Alright then" he said hugging me "Ill see you later."

(Bey) "K"

(Bey's thoughts )When Sean hugged me I thought I was going to explode. This time when talking to him i wasn't nervous or anything. I was just shocked to have seen him so many times and such a short amount of time. I was starting to think it was a sign or something.  It's sounds crazy though, but thats what it seems like. Just like Kelly said things are what you make them to be, there's no forcing love if it's meant to be then it will fall naturally.
I finally got pasta and I couldn't wait to eat it. When I got home I tore that pasta up. After eating and chilling out watching some tv, I received a text from Sean saying that he was at the studio. I texted him back ok, letting him know I got his text, but i didn't let him know i was coming. Before heading to the studio, i decided to get in the shower and change. I couldn't let Sean see me in the same clothes he saw me in earlier. Im a model for god's sake. I took a quick shower and through on some clothes. I wanted to look cute, but i didn't want to look over the top, you know as if i was forcing it. About an hour later I left out to go to the studio and about 20 mins later I was pulling up. I didnt let Sean know I was there, I wanted to surprise him. When I walked in Sean was sitting at a table and his friend Kanye that i saw yesterday was on the mic. When Sean saw me come in his face lit up. It felt kind of good to see that I had that type of effect on him. I walked over and set right next to him.

(Sean) "Oh so you sneaking up on a nigga huh" he said looking at me.

(Bey) smiling "Well I like to think of it as surprising you."

(Sean) he laughed "You are something, you know that"

(Bey) "Yea I know..." i said playfully "Is that your girl" i asked noticing a picture on his desk, she looks so much different in person.

(Sean) "Oh wow, that was so loooooooong ago, but to answer your question that use to be my girlfriend." he answered.

(Bey) "Use to??" all confused.

(Sean) "Yea like 2 or 3 days after your party we broke up, but it's all good. No love lost."

(Bey) "If you don't mind me asking, why did yal break up" i asked just trying to be nosy.

(Sean) "We were both just in 2 different places in our lives and decided to go our separate ways, but we're still close friends."

(Bey) "Oh okay..."
It got quiet for a min until Sean started talking.

(Sean) "Can I ask you something"

(Bey) "Sure" i said curious to know.

(Sean) "You must not be from New York."

(Bey) "Huh, what would make you say something like that?"

(Sean) "Because you have a southern accent, but its cute though, i like it."

(Bey) blushing hard and laughing "Thanks................. Houston Texas Baby!" i joked.

(Sean) "You are silly and Your welcome" he said smiling back at me.

(Ye) coming out of booth "Aye Jay can you run that track back for me again, and Hey Beyonce, whats up with you girl."

(Sean) "yea"

(Bey) "Hey, nothing much, you?"

(Ye) "Shit you see what Im doing, laying tracks" he laughed, goes back into booth.

(Bey) laughing too "You are silly."

(Sean) "When Ye gets done in the studio, I want you to hear a few of my songs and tell em what you think?"

(Bey) "Sure, okay"

When Kanye was done in the studio, Sean was playing some tracks for me. He played one song that I was familiar with, which was a remake of topac's bonnie and clyde. I began singing along to the words, not paying any attention. I was caught in the moment of the song because it was one of me and Tony's favorite song. When I was singing I looked up to see Sean staring at me all shocked and surprised.

(Sean) "You can sing???" he asked 

(Bey) all of a sudden i got shy and i stopped singing and my face turned red.

(Sean) "Oh don't stop now, what are you shy or something" he said laughing.

(Bey)  with an embarrassed look on m face "Yes, I can sing, but Im real shy about it."

(Sean) "For what, you could really sing."

(Ye) "Yea girl, you dope!" he added

(Bey) "Stooooooop, yal putting me on the spot." with her face buried in her hands laughing.

(Sean) snatching bey's hands away "You aint gotta act shy around me, I aint nobody."

(Bey's thoughts) When he said that I felt relaxed. I became comfortable around him again. It was something about Sean that made me feel a certain way. When I was feeling nervous to talk to him about the whole text situation he showed me that I could talk to him about anything. And when I was singing in front of  him and became shy he made it so that I felt comfortable. When Im around Sean, I feel like a totally different person from when I'm with Tony. Both of them make me feel good when I'm with them, but both are complete opposite. Sean is from the streets while Tony is a school boy. What one of them lacks in the other has. I wish I could just mash the 2 of them together. As much as I loooooove Tony, the feelings that I was starting to catch for Sean were starting to become clear to me.

(Sean) "I know this is about to sound crazy but i just gotta ask you." he got all serious

(Bey) "And what is that?"

(Sean) "How would you like to feature on this track?"

(Bey) "WHAT, as in sing on it" i asked trying to understand what he was asking.

(Sean) "Yes, your voice would be perfect for it." he said "originally I wrote the song for me and Aaliyah, but since where not together anymore I wanted to find somebody else."

(Bey) ''No." I said as Sean set there staring at me hard "Sean, I can't, I mean I'm not a singer, Im no--"

(Sean) "Just stop over thinking it"he said trying to comfort me. "If you were my friend you would do it for me" he said trying to sound all sad poking out his lip.

(Ye) "Think career rise what it would do to your career, AN AUTOMATIC BOOST. You could see the headlines now model/actress and now sining.......Girl your gonna be a triple threat."

(Bey) sitting for a moment thinking

(Sean) "So.....your gonna do it" still poking his lip out

(Bey) looking at Sean's puppy dog face and taking in what Kanye said i finally answered "Yes, ill do it."

(Kanye) "Aw shit.......BET" him and Sean slaps hands.

(Sean) grabbing bey to hug her "Yea, thats what I'm talking about."

(Bey) just laughing about everything

(Sean) giving Bey a sheet with the lyrics "Here take this, read this over and when your ready you can go a head and go in the booth."

I took the paper and read it over, the lyrics were simple so it didn't take long to get them. I got into the studio and started singing. I can tell by the look on Sean's face that he was blown away. He was enjoying every minute of hearing me sing. We only got my part recorded today, and the songs that Kanye did. Both Sean and Kanye were recording their own alums, Kanye was signed with Sean, so they work a lot together. When Sean asked for me to sing with him, i was so speechless, I knew I could sing but I never knew as good as he thought i could. I felt so honored. Sean saw something in me that I didn't see in myself, which made me more attracted to him. We were way passed the physical things now, to now about how he was making me feel. I began to think a lot about what Kelly was saying. Maybe she was right, I should have a little fun. But I can't stop thinking about how this would effect Antonio, It's not like I could just up and leave him, and I wasn't going to. Im still just figuring out things about Sean and I, I wanted to know that what I was feeling was real and If he felt the same about me. I know he told me he liked me but thats not enough, I needed more. After finishing up in the studio, I said my goodbyes to Sean and Kanye. When I got home I showered and got ready for bed. The whole while I was bed, I just laid there recapping the whole night and thought about the next time i'd would be seeing Sean. I started to text him, but then chose not to because I was scared. I went to set my phone on the stand when it went off. Surprise, Surprise it was Sean. I became excited, the text read:

(Text from Sean) I can't stop thinking about you, I mean hearing you sing today was a total surprise to me. It showed me a whole other side of you. Your a very special girl Beyonce and Im glad to have a friend like you in my life. Im hoping that our friendship can continue to grow. Anywho sleep well.....      -Jay

As much as I was excited about that text, I was just as much upset about it. "Friend".....really? Is that all he see's me as. I was a little hurt and confused. One minute he's telling me he likes me then the next minute he's calling me his friend. This guy is so confusing, that it frustrates me. Maybe because it's the fact that I actually like him. At this point I was a little uneasy about seeing him again. I didn't know how I would react to him. I set and bed and just thought about things, i didn't even text Sean back because I was so bothered by his text. I just set there thinking until I dosed off.

Chapter 1 "Where it All Began"

This is a fictional story based on the love of Bey and Jay.  I was inspired by their relationship as well as other blogs. But I hope you enjoy...............

The year was 2002 and it's September 04, my birthday. I was turning 21 and it was a huge time in my life for me. I was celebrating my life, my career, and my engagement. To be so young and so successful at a young age is really overwhelming. My modeling career was at its best, I was getting ready to start a project for my own fashion line, and I was now be listed as an actress for having did 2 major films. On top of all of that, I was going to be the wife of Antonio Dwayne Fernadez. He was my high school sweetheart, my first kiss, my first love,  and my all. We've been together since was I 11,  it was kind of like some Love and Basketball type shit except I didn't play sports. Well Antonio played football and Basketball and I did the Majorettes, cheering was too girly. He stayed about 2 houses over from me in Houston, Texas. He was always 2 grades higher, so he ended up graduating early. Antonio was 17 when he graduated. He had got a scholarship to play football in North Carolina and was one of the first to be drafted to the New York Giants at only a junior in college but since he's been injured, he has too do a lot of training in order to play. This works out because since i've been modeling most of my residing has been in New York, but distance can't keep us apart. Even we he went off for school we were still together. Because he was drafted, Antonio got to graduate early. He didn't have any problems, he was an honor student. At Antonio's graduation dinner he proposed to me. He said that he knew he wanted to be with me forever and despite the fact that he was going to become a famous NFL player, there would be nothing that could come between us.....Well so I thought. It was the night of my birthday, we were in New York. Antonio had through a surprise party at the 40/40 club for me. Sean Carter aka Jay who was the owner of the club, was also a friend of Antonio. Since Tony has been in the league he's been meeting a lot of "rich" people like Sean, who was at the party. I also knew Sean too, but mostly through Tony. From that night on my life became total chaos and here's how it all started.....

I was sitting at the bar smoking a cigar throwing back shots. I had all my family and friends there, the night couldn't have been any better. Then here comes Antonio coming over to ruin everything...

(Tony) "You enjoying your night baby"he said walking pass to sit down rubbing my thigh.

(Bey) "Yea," I said smiling.

(Tony) "Im glad you are, but I got some bad news though baby."

(Bey)  getting worried "Bad news, Noooo I wanna hear good news." I started sound like a whining kid.

(Tony) starts laughing "You silly, but seriously I gotta tell you something though."

(Bey) sighs "what it is?"

(Tony) "coach wants me to go to a rehabilitation camp in Iowa for 2 weeks, he says my knee isn't approving fast enough and wants be to go there, he says they're the best in the states."

(Bey) "But Paaaaaapi..." starts talking in a whining voice.

(Tony) Grabs Bey over by him and places her on his lap, Bey put out her cigar "I know BB, look he says I only have to go for 2 weeks, just to see if I show improvement."

(Bey)"But i don't want you to go" starts hugging Tony tight.

(Tony) caressing Bey "Now don't you want Daddy to start playing again"

(Bey) with head buried in Tony's neck "yes" in a low whining voice

(Tony) "And don't you want me to feel better"

(Bey) hesitating to answer "yeeeeeeees"

(Tony) turns Bey around and start whipping her face. Bey is poking her lip out acting like a baby "Poke you lip back in and stop acting like a brat" he said playfully

(Bey) pokes in lip "Well when do you have to leave?"

(Tony) with his head down "tonight in order to be there tomorrow by noon, he just called me about 10 mins ago"

(Bey) "WHAT?!!!" standing to her feet.

(Tony) stands up right after Bey "Yes and I know, but look it'll we only be 2 weeks, we'll Skype and talk every day." grabs Bey by the waist

(Bey) Just standing there with her head down looking around.

(Tony) "Look baby, I have to go. I know you upset, but i'll be back before you even start to miss me. Now come give me a kiss so i can go ahead and get out of here." pulls Bey in close

(Bey) kisses Tony and starts tonguing him down.

(Tony) pulling away laughing "Woah baby, chill before you have me late catching my flight."

(Bey) "Then staaaaay" starts whining again.

(Tony) "Now you I would if i could, but right now i have to go." Kisses her on forehead and hugs her.

(Bey) "ugggggh, okay. Call me when you leaving out and when you get there."

(Tony) walking away "alright, i love you"

(Bey) "i love you more"

I was sooooooo mad that Tony had to leave me. I didn't even want to stay at my own party anymore. I just stayed at the bar and continued drinking, but it wasn't long before Kelly came to drag me away.

(Kelly) "Girl, get over yourself" she said after I told her why I was done partying "it's your mutha fuckin birthday and I am not about to let you sit around and mope." yelling to Angie "HERE SHE IS ANG" dragging Bey by the arm  through the crowd pointing at Bey.

(Bey) standing in front of Gwen, Angie, Kelly, Michelle, Monica, Lala, and Ty "I aint tryna party no more. I'm depressed"

(Ty) "OH CHILD PLEASE. It's your 21st fucking birthday and your ass talking about you depressed. You better get your depressed ass over here and Drink this shit."

They had this big keg of Liquor, with a Tube hooked up to it. It was sitting on the table stacked on something. I looked at them and the Keg back and forth for about 5 times until I realized they were about to have me chug it down.

(Bey) "OH fuck no" i said trying too turn around and run away, Just as i tried I ran head first into the chest of Sean.

(Sean) "Goooooot Damn. Where you running off to birthday girl" he said jokingly

(Bey) rubbing her head "Oops my bad and away from here." still trying to get away.

(Angie) "uh-un, Jay grab her" angie yelled

(Sean) grabbing a hold of Bey "What she do?"

(Bey) "Sean you better let me go before i whoop your ass" I said sarcastically

They all burst out laughing, even Bey.

(Angie) "she tryna skip out on this chugging session."

(Sean) Looking around Bey to see the keg, "Oh you about to do this shit" he starts smiling, lifting Bey over his shoulder and bringing her by the keg. Bey is just kicking and screaming "put me down!" Jay puts her down right by the keg but is still holding on to her.

(Kelly) teasing Bey "You kill me, you talked all this mess about how it's your 21st bday and how you were gonna do this and that and now your bitchin out....ha"

(Bey) rolls eyes "Shut up Kelly!" laughing

(Monica) "Right Kel, always talking about Ima boss, Ima boss" laughing "ol scary ass."

(Bey) "aint nobody scared"

(Sean) "Then prove it then chump" pushing Bey towards keg

(Bey) looking at Sean, talking smack "pssh boy, i don't need your help..." starts circling the keg.  "Im about to do this, so sit back and take notes!"

Everybody began to talk shit. Bey stepped and front of the keg and picked up the tube and place it in her mouth.

(Sean) "Damn that's how you get down" he said joking with Bey.

(Bey) started side eyeing Sean and stuck up the middle finger.

They both let out a laugh.

Bey went back to the keg, she had the tube in her mouth. Looking around at everyone. The only people who were really over there were the people that I named and a few other people. They were having there own little party inside the party. Bey looked at Kelly and gave her the signal that she was ready. Kelly walked over to the keg and turned the knob. Immediately liquor started flowing into Bey's mouth. She started taking in deep swallows. Everybody around her started yelling "GO , GO, GO" or "CHUG, CHUG, CHUG". After about almost 3 minutes, Bey realized she couldn't take no more. After snatching the tube out, she spat out what she could take no more and swallowed what was in her mouth. It was a loud cheering noise for Bey and a lot of laughter. Bey was having so much fun, that she forgot Tony had to leave.

(Bey) "See I told yal I could do this shit" looking at Kelly and Angie who starts ducking and hiding.

(Lala) "Bey you was going in, Im like dannnnng Bey" her and Bey start laughing. 

(Ty) "Girl I had faith in you all along." he said going to pat Bey on the back.

(Michelle) "You are such a suck up"

(Ty) "Oh kiss my ass" and they began to go back in forth for a min.

(Sean) walking up to Bey "okay, okay....i see you aint no light weight." he teased.

(Bey) "Hell na" i laughed.

(Sean) "Where my boy Tony at, I haven't seen him all night."

(Bey) gets all sad again "He had to leave to go to Iowa for rehabilitation tonight."

(Sean) "Oh damn, his knee still fucked up?"

(Bey) "Yea--" gets cut off to by the crowd singing happy birthday. Mama Tina was coming through the crowd with a big cake, with firecracker sparkles sticking out. They sang happy birthday to Bey, ate cake and took some more shots and had more drinks. Bey who was now super fucked up, was sitting in at the booth all slouched against the wall. She had got so drunk off the keg, that she practically fell asleep in the booth. She was sitting over there by herself, while everybody was getting drunk, partying, and having a good time until she heard her favorite song playing by juvenile, back that ass up. Drunk as ever, Bey walked out on to the dance floor and started dancing, she danced for about 6 sings straight. Her Kelly and Ty were showing out on the dance floor. Especially Kelly, who had gave out a lap dance to Nelly who was also there. Then Bey and Kelly decided to tag team him, it was cool though because Nelly was like a brother to Bey. Him and Kelly use to date but it wasn't anything serious. After giving Nelly a lap dance, Bey got hot and went and stood on the side of the bar, by and air vent to keep cool.

(Sean) walking up on the side of Bey, but Bey didn't noticed  "BOOO"he said jumping at Bey, trying to scare her.

(Bey) *SCREAMS* "SEAAAAAAAAAAAN, Im gonna kill you, just wait until i catch my breath" she said trying to catch her balance after falling over.

(Sean) "I hate that you call me that, why can't you call me Jay like everyone else." he said laughing, pulling Bey up so she could catch balance.

(Bey) holding her chest panting and now balanced "Thank you, and Because I CAN and Jay is not the name your mother gave you" she teased.

(Sean) "Annnnnnd So" he said sounding like a big ass kid. "Thats the name I gave myself"

(Bey) "Ho-ho-ho-how did you get Jay from Seaaaaan anyway." Bey started to really feel the liquor, her words began to slur.

(Sean) "None of your business." started looking around "And why the fuck are you over in the corner by yourself."

(Bey) "Because Im hoooooot and Im tr-tr-tr-yna to sit down...." thinks she found a seat and tries to sit down but Jay catches her.

(Jay) Pulling her up and holding on to her arm to hold her up "That keg must have really did a number on you" he started joking "I saw you out on the dance floor"

(Bey) starts blushing "Oh God...." puts her face in her hands "You diiiiiiiiiiiiiiid???"

(Sean) laughing "You gonna give me a dance"

(Bey) "What?!, boy I could ba-ba-ba-rely stand uuuuuuuuup and you expect me to daaaaaance with you....ch" starts laughing.

(Sean) still laughing "Thats what you got me for, so I can hold you up." he said hoping I'd say yes.

(Bey's thoughts) I mean it was just a dance and Sean was cool. He's good friends with Tony, and besides he also has a girlfriend who I am friends with, so I don't have nothing to worry about.

(Bey) Looking at Jay out the side of her eyes "Sure, why not."

Sean pulled Bey close to him. At first they were just playfully dancing around to the music when a slow song came on. It was Patti Labelle's song "All i think about is you" that had started playing. Sean and Beyonce moved in close to each other. Sean had his arms wrapped around Bey's waist and Bey had her arms wrapped around Sean's neck, with her face buried in his chest.

(Bey's thoughts)

Omg, how awkward is this. Im not sure what I'm suppose to be feeling right now. All I know is that Sean smells so good, his arms are so firm and warm, and his chest just feels so comfortable......What am I saying, Antonio would kill me. And Im overreacting, it's just a dance. I couldn't even fathom the thought of ever cheating on or leaving Antonio. It just must be the liquor taking it's effect or something.

(Sean's thoughts) God Beyonce looks so got damn sexy. Her skin is just so soft. I could just hold her in my arms all night. Wait, shit I should be thinking about Aaliyah ass. And besides, Antonio is one of my boys and Aaliyah and Bey hang out with the same group of people. That would be a lot of mess. I wonder if this is as awkward for her as it is to me. Shit, maybe it's the liquor thats getting to me because Im really over thinking it.

(Sean) pulling away from Bey a bit to look a her  but still dancing "Thats crazy after all these years of knowing each other, this the most in contact that we had even had with each other." letting out a chuckle.

(Bey) "huh" popping her head up from Sean's chest. She didn't hear what he said because she was in a daze about how she was feeling.

(Sean) he repeated what he said.

(Bey) "Oh yea, that is funnnnnny" letting out an awkward laugh.

(Sean) "I mean we had a few conversation here and there but it was never nothing like this."

By this time, we had completely stopped dancing.

(Bey) "Yea you right..."

There was an awkward silence between Bey and Sean. They just sat there staring at each other and looking around, then Bey's phone went off.

(Mama Tina)  "Beyonce where are you at, everyone is looking for you we were getting ready to go. Mon, Lala, Ty and Michelle already left."

(Bey) checking the time, it was 3:35 "H-h-h-ere I cooooooooome I was by the thing, I was sitting by the bar, wheeeeeeeeeere are you at?"

(Mama Tina) "We're all standing out by the back entrance waiting on the the driver to pull up, Are you drunk? "

(Bey) looking at Sean "Moooooom, what does that have t--t-t-to do with anything, look JUST stay right there. Im about to head that way."

(Mama Tina) "Yea okay now!"

It was typical for my mom to get like that. No matter how I get, she always gonna think I'm her little girl. Without saying a word I quickly walked off staggering and running into things and Sean followed behind me catching me when I needed. I was so relieved that her mom had called. Things were stating to get real awkward. Finally I met up with my mom and the rest of the crew, we kissed, hugged, and said our goodbyes. Angie left with my mom and Kelly and Gwen stayed to help me close up and get the rest of whatever together. A lot of other people were leaving as well. The party really didn't have a end time, it was just when people felt like that wanted to go. Sean also stayed to make sure everyone left and things were all under control. Kelly and Gwen had gone off to check the rest of the place out making sure they had all what was needed. I went into the room that had my gifts and clothes and other things of that nature in there. I waited for Kelly and Gwen to come back so they could help me get my stuff. As I was looking through my gifts Sean came walking in the room. I was starting to sober up a bit.

(Sean) "Everything is taken care of with the bouncers and cleaners, and cater's." he said walking in the room. "Ima just leave when yal leave so want no shit happen."

(Bey) Looking at up at Sean, who had almost forgot he was still there. "And what exactly do you think will happen Sean, I have Julius outside." I said sarcastically.

(Sean) "Im just saying, it's New York and people are crazy." he said laughing

(Bey) rolling her eyes shaking her head laughing.

(Sean) So did you have fun tonight."

(Bey) "Actually, I did. I was kind of down since Tony left but i still enjoyed myself."

(Sean) "Cool. So how long is he gonna be gone."

(Bey) "About 2 weeks"

(Sean) "Damn, oh okay"

(Bey) "I know right"

(Sean) "Aw the poor baby gonna miss her boo boo" he teased 

(Bey) throws something at Sean "Shut.......up" 

They both starting laughing and in walks Kelly, Gwen, and Julius.

(Gwen) "You ready to rock and roll girl" she said playfully.

(Kelly) looking at Gwen, "Girl you know you white saying some shit like that" We all start laughing.

(Gwen) face became red. "Leave me alone" she whined.

(Kelly) hugs Gwen "Gwen you know I love you"

(Gwen) "I love you too"

(Bey) "Are yal done making out cuz Im ready to go." i teased.

Gwen and Kelly both make a face at Bey.

(Bey) "Well on that note, Julius grab these bags right here, here you go Kelly, Gwen.......and well Sean since your here, you can take mine" Kelly, Gwen, and Julius all take their bags.

(Sean) grabbing the bags. "You lucky it's your birthday otherwise you'll be caring this shit yourself." making a joke. He was always tryna start some shit up. He was too playful.

(Bey) "Birthday girl or not, you'll still carry my bags." I shot back

(Sean) Gives me a look.

(Kelly) "Okay guys let's go."

We all get outside and the got the stuff loaded in the car. Gwen decided she was going to go home tonight and left with her driver and Kelly decided she was just gonna stay with me tonight. I didn't mind though. Kelly was like my sister, we been knowing each other since I was 9. We use to think we were the shit. We had us a little group called Girls Time and couldn't nobody tell us nothing. But Kelly went a head and got her a singing career, I went on to modeling, and Michelle is doing broadway. Sean on the other left once we got in the car. It was so late and I was so tired. We got back to my condo and I had Julius carry all the bags in. Kelly's ass went straight to sleep on the couch. After Julius left, I stubbled up the stairs to my room to change. I stripped down into my bra and panties because i really didn't feel like putting back on any clothes. I laid down in bed and looked over to where Antonio's normally lays and instantly got sad. I missed him already and wished he didn't have to go.  I turned to go to bed, when my phone starting going off. When I looked at it it was a text from Sean, it read:

(Text from Sean) Whats up Beyonce, I was just checking on you to see if you made it home. Im just now walking through the door myself. Well, I had a good time and I know you did too lol, but happy birthday again. Sleep well.

I decided not to text back. After reading that text, I didn't know what to think. I kind of felt as if his text meant something else. I also wasn't sure how to reply. I could have just put a simple Good night, but that wouldn't have been enough. I don't understand, I've been around Sean plenty of times and I never felt nothing for him, like i do now. Like i said it must just be the liquor, Im blowing things way out of context. Seeing that text from Sean, made me realize I haven't talked to Tony since he left. I tried to call but his phone wen to voicemail, so i sent him a text.

(Text to Sean) Goodnight, I missing you already. I wish you were here next to me, any who get a good night rest!!! Muah 

It wasn't unitl I seen Sean texting back that I realized that I sent the text to the wrong person.

(Text from Sean) =) 

My heart dropped as soon as I read his response, I swear I could feel it almost stop. I didn't know what to do and I didn't know what to say. I just slid my phone under my pillow, without replying and laid there in bed thinking about the situation and what I had got myself into.