Counseling

Jay and I were finally going to counseling after a long worn out battle of disagreeing and Jay being an ass. But aside from that things were well. We were just pulling up to go to our first session. I would admit, I was a little nervous but I just knew in my heart that Jay and I were going to come out stronger then ever. The whole morning Jay seemed cool, he seemed to be in a good mood which meant he was okay. Kelly were keeping the kids for me, while we went, so we had no worries. I was a little skeptical about if I was going to have a woman or guy counsel our sessions, I decided to proceed on with a guy, because I wasn't really feeling the whole woman thing. We got into the building and got checked in and waited about 5-10 mins until we were called in. I walked in it was a tall dark, handsome chunk of a man standing in the doorway to greet us. For a second I forgot Jay was standing there. So after coming out of my mini fantasy moment, Jay and I walked in greeting the guy then went on and had a seat. When we sat Jay sat more towards one way and I set more to the other. I noticed him as i sat down, mark something on his clip board. A few moments after we were seated he wasted no time beginning.

(Dr.Campbell) "So is there any reason why you two aren't sitting next too each other?" He said looking over his glasses at us.

Jay and I just looked back and forth at each other, then we scooted in close to one another, with Jay's arm around the top of the couch. Then he jotted something else down on his clip board and that's when I knew this was going to be a long ass session.

(Dr.Campbell) "Mrs Knowles, it is Mrs right?" He spoke again.

(Bey) "It's M--...it's Ms" I said stumbling over my words, and watched as he yet again jot something down.

(Dr.Campbell) "Ms. Knowles.." He said charging right back in. "Is there any reason why you aren't married yet?"

I immediately took offense, "What does that have to do with anything?" I said in a sharp tone.

(Dr.Campbell) "Im just trying to get to know you that's all, I'm sorry if I come off as a little harsh or too strong, that's not what I'm trying to do." He said in a more reassuring tone, still jotting down shit.

(Bey) "Well that I understand but, you don't know me yet so I just don't need you coming at me like that."

(Dr.Campbell) "And once again, I apologize." He restated.

And I just say there, set in my mode, trying to remain from being to snappy, then he started speaking again "Ms. Knowles, feel free to talk whenever you feel ready and comfortable."

(Bey) "I'm cool, and I'm fine with talking."

(Dr.Campbell) "Well if its alright with you, let's began discussing the marriage thing."

(Bey) "Well the reason Jay and I aren't married yet and well because we had our few minors setbacks, but we are genuinely getting married."

(Dr.Campbell) "Now you mentioned the word genuinely, why is that?" He said scribbling on his clip board.

(Bey) "Well that's because I want people to know and see that's this is real, it's really happening."

(Dr.Campbell) "Well what's it to them, you don't have anything to prove?"

(Bey) "And well you know what you right, I don't, I don't owe anybody anything." I said and sat back on the couch frowned up for a min.

Then the Dr. Switched his attention from me to Jay, "Mr.Carter? Am I right"

(Jay) "Yea thats right." he said with one of his head nodds.

(Dr.Campbell) "And how do you feel about all that, Mr. Carter?"

(Jay) "I mean it is what it is, we got time, because i know one day it will happen."

(Dr.Campbell) "ok." He said turn onto a new sheet of paper. "Ms. Knowles how you say things between you and Mr.Carter are?"

(Bey) "Things between Jay and I, I know isn't the best or perfect relationship, because I myself am not perfect...things between Jay and I are good, normal, typical, but there's also the ugliness that comes along with it."

(Dr.Cambell) "So between all of that, how would you some all that up?"

(Bey) "Well..." I said kind of shrugging my shoulders, with my thinking face on. "I would say things between Jay and I seems to me at time a bit surreal, like its too good to be true or something, I know that sound a little cliche but its the truth."

(Dr.Campbell) jots down something "Uhmm-Hmp." He said then turned towards Jay "Mr. Carter, how would you say things are between you and Ms.Knowles?"

(Jay) glimpse's at B "I love her, I can't picture being with out her, I know at times I have my moments and slip up, but all I really wanna do is come home to you."

(Dr.Campbell) "So you would say things are.....?"

(Jay) "Things aren't good and things aren't bad, there just right in a way."

(Dr.Campbell) "When gonna begin to get a little more in depth, take it to the root of things..." He began saying "Jay, is it alright if I call you that?"

(Jay) "Yea it's cool"

(Dr.Campbell) "Jay, how was your relationship with your mother?"

And as the doctor asked more questions, the deeper we got into things. By the end of the session Dr.Campbell was able to interpret something's to us and give us his feedback.

(Feed Back on Jay)

Jay's relationship with his mother he explained, they were rather close, growing all he had was his mother, his grandmother, and his siblings. Being that he never really had that father to son relationship with his dad, and him dying when Jay was just 12, has still to this day been a hard pill for him to swallow. He drive and succes came from his determination for him to make it. Growing up he trusted no one, the fear of letting people get to close to him, is smothering he has yet to overcome. Which has all taken a toll on him and Beyonce's relationship. He tends to consistently push her away.

(Feed Back for Bey)

Bey's relationship with her mom, was a typical mother and daughter relationship, she was close to both of her parents but she and her dad haven't been on the best of terms since Jay was in the picture. She hates her dad for what he put her mom through, and fear that's Jay will do the same thing to her, she had. Hard time trusting people because each man she has had in her life has all betrayed her. Which is holding her back from making that commitment with Jay.

(Feed Back on Bey and Jay together)

Both Beyonce and Jay have trust issues. It's not that they don't trust each other, it's just they scared to lose each others trust. The both of them are very stubborn to accepting each others "baggage". They seem to understand one another on a very broad level, but they haven't quite found how to be one with each other with both of them having such strong ego's and independent statuses.

After leaving from our counseling session, I didn't know how to feel. I was still trying to wrap my head around things. I also was unsure about how Jay was feeling and I was curious to know. He seemed cool about things but if I know one thing about Jay, it's that he's good for hiding his emotions.

When we got in the car Jay was searching through his middle compartment and when he found what he was looking for he tossed it over to me and when I saw that it was some weed I burst out laughing. He couldn't had waited until we pulled out the parking lot.

(Bey) "Really Jay...." I said laughing, "You are a trip."

(Jay) chuckles "Man come on B" he said playfully nudging my leg, "you gonna roll it or what?"

(Bey) "Jay I don't smoke this shit, what make you think I can roll."

(Jay) "I'm about to teach you, now go ahead and start breaking it down."

(Bey) "How and your drjving."

(Jay) "Look I got this...just do what I said." He playfully demanded.

So as I was breaking down the weed, Jay was instructing me from the driver seat telling me what to do and how much to put in, I never been so confused and so exhausted. After I was done, Jay complimented me i how good I did, then went and sparked it up. I knew he was probably doing this to avoid talking about the session, but I was gonna let it side for now.

(Jay) "You wanna hit this?" He said trying to pass me the blunt.

(Bey) "Nooooo, I doooooont." I said in an annoying voice.

(Jay) "Man stop fronting.." He teased "don't act like you don't be smoking."

(Bey) "Just because I smoked one or two times with you in the past does not make me a smoker."

(Jay) "Well you sure do be smokin those Cuban's..." He continued to teased.

(Bey) "But thats different...." I said trying to defend myself.

(Jay) "Yea yea yea..." He said as he continued on smoking.

After watching Jay smoke for so long, I decided to give it a try. That first session really had my head spinning so I needed something to ease my mind. After going back and forth with Jay for a min, he finally gave me the blunt. Now I had no idea, the strengths we can have on you, let alone the different types they had, because like I said before I'm not a smoker. When I took a hit i swear I burnt a whole through the back of throat and I was coughing up a lung.

(Jay) "hahaha you ok...." He said patting me on the back as I pounded on my chest.

(Bey) "Ye--...a...No--...ck clchlalck!!" I said choking have to death and Jay was still laughing.

(Jay) "Sit up man" he said pulling me up from having been bending over.

(Bey) "Ima F---....ck you up ....!!!"

(Jay) "blaaaa what ever...so you tryna hit this again or what?"

(Bey) "Noooo!!, what you trying to kill me!!"

(Jay) "Maybe..." Jay joked.

(Bey) "You ain't crazy....!" I said letting Jay know I wasn't worried about him.

(Jay) "Yea I'm crazy in love..." He said with this big ass stupid grin on his face an his little cute chubbie cheeks.

(Bey) "Mhm Jay you got some cute ass cheeks..." I said totally losing focus on what Jay was talking about.

(Jay) "Aye man watch out..." He said smacking my hand away as I tried to pinch them.

I began laughing hysterically, and Jay looked at me out the sides of his and eyes and said "You high?"

You know me I had to act clueless, " What?!, no I'm goooooood." I replied.

Jay starts chuckling "Yea you high..." He said smirking.

(Bey) "And you think that's funny, you got me like this?" I said playing mad.

(Jay) "Na na, that was all you."

(Bey) "So you gonna let me hit the blunt again or what?" I sad trying to sound like a smoker.

(Jay) "check you out....here" he said handing me the blunt.

This time around I wasn't about to die, I was actually able to blow out my nose. I thought I was sweet. Jay kept teasing me, but I didn't care. And by the time we got home, me and Jay asses were fried.

It took us the longest to get out the car. We were at my place. Kelly ended up coming over to my house to watch this kids, so that it wouldn't be so much back and forth. I wonder what they were up too.

When I walked in Brook had Bryson on the ground, smashing his head against the carpet. And Kelly ass was all over the floor laughing.

(Bey) "BB what are you doing?" I said instantly.

(Brook) "Bryson broke fluffy mommy..." Fluffy was Brooklyn's favorite stuffed animal as a child.

(Bey) "Jay go get your kids..." I said stepping out the way for Jay to see.

(Jay) "What they--....all man! , baby girl get off your brother." He said going over there to break them up. "yal cut that out" he said finally separating them.

(Bey) "And look at Kelly, over there laughing and what not!"

(Kelly) finally gaining strength to talk "Girl yo kids are crazy..." She said still laughing a bit.

(Jay) "I'm about to take these two into the room real quick, ill be back." He said heading out the room with them.

Kelly and I sat out in the living room talking while Jay handled the kids, i gave her the whole run down  about our first counseling session. She was very interested in hearing all about it, but unfortunately i couldn't go into full details because Kelly had to leave. After she left and i came down from my high, Jay and I discussed how we felt about about the session. I was astound to hear that Jay thought the session turned out good. I was for sure he was going to have something bad to say, but i guess he's finally coming around. This is something that we need for us, i'm glad I'm not in this alone.