Home sweet home

About a few years ago, back in Sepetember  2002 i faced a dragstic change in my life. My modeling career was just taking off, i had plans to start ny own business, and today would have marked my 3 year anniversary, well thats if i would have gotten married. See here's the thing, I was with my boyfriend at the time, Antonio for 10 years, he was my first EVERYTHING. Now as a child you look at life for what it is in the present instead of what it will be in the future. Me and Antonio use to talk about marriage and our lives together when we we're younger, but it seemed the older we got the more we began to face the reality of things. Yes i loved Antonio, and he will always have a place in my heart my i always knew deep down that a life with him was something that i did not want. I was so busy thinking about the media and trying to build a reputation, of a young successful model, together with her successful NFL superstar boyfriend. I realized the whole time i was living a LIE. The love i had for Antonio when i was a teenager, was far gone by the time i was old enough to pay my own bills, and that was pretty soon due to the fact i had my first modleing contract by the age of sixteen. But at the end of it all it was nothing but a fairytale that i was trying to make a reaality. Things between Tony and I ended for good, when i met Mr. Shawn Corey Carter.

See Shawn, he was much more older then me, much more wiser than me. He was an entrepreneur, a young boy from the Mercy projects in Brooklyn, grew up in the streets but flipped his dreams into reality. See with Jay, Jay is his other name, it's what many people know him by, he could make shit happen. I knew from the moment i saw him that he was going to be trouble, but im an adventurous girl, born and raised in Houston, Texas, so i was eager to see what he was all about. Jay and i began to kick it while Tony and I was together, but it was more on an intellectual level, it didnt get physical until we we're officially together. And i didnt feel a bit guilty about leaving Tony for Jay becasue of all the things he took me through, from the cheating, to his cockiness, to his controlling ways, to his bad ass attitude, I needed something better and i wanted something better and thats what i got. Now dont get me wrong, Jay aint no goody goody himself. Behind his charming, loving, caring, warm, sweet spirit lies a man. He has him a little list too. Jay and i was together 7 months before he had his first slip up, and althoug it was partially my fault for not bing clear with Jay of my feelings and what i meant when i said we needed a break, at the end of the day he's a grown man and he's knows right from wrong. But the worst thing ever, we experienced in our relationship was when Jay got sent to Jail. He beat a dude up pretty mad for abusing my sister Kelly, even though he was on probation for beating a attempt to murder case. These 2 1/2 years have been the most crucial years of my life, with Jay being away and the twins who are now 2 needing alot of attention has really been a lot to handle.

Yes i did say twins. One day when i went in for my 5th month check up, the doctor noticed and extra head picking from behind the other. Apparently the other one was hiding behind its twin all this time, and waited 5 months to finally show itself. I couldnt beileve it. I dang near died on the hospital bed when she told me that. But Bryson and Brooklyn have been the best thing that have ever happened to me.  Not to mention Solo who just had her baby boy Juelz, just last year. He's now 1. I love all my babies to death. Even little Samuel, Jay's other child from the chick he cheated on me with named Shelly. Sounds bad right? But i cant fault Samuel for the mistakes of his parents. I love him as if he was my very own. Now things between Shelly and I have been weeeeell, i wouldnt call us friends, but we had a few play dates with the kids. I have no hard feelings for Shelly, i mean i still dont like her but i still gotta deal with her. She's been residing in Atlanta now. She moved there to finish up school at Spellman and is back in town for Jay's welcome home party.

As much as i was excited about Jay coming home, i was loving the time i had to myself. I really learned alot about myself and the last 3 years. Im 23 now, im back modeling, i officially have my own clothing line Sashee, which was inspired by my alter ego Ms. Sashe Fierce. And im also finishing up with the renovation of my new store and line House of Dereon, inspired by my grandmother Agnes Dereon. I was so excited, i had so much going on for me. After the twins turned one, i went on a 6 month pre-tour for my Dangerously in Love album, to get a feel on how things will be, if i actually consider singing as another career. I've also been recording lately, i've been working on my 2nd album, but with so much on my plate it's hard to make time. I remember a couple of years back i was over working myself, so this time around i made sure i had time, especially now that i have kids now. So now i only work Mon's, Wed's, and Fri's and I go to the studio on Tues's and Thurs, and i have Saturday and Sundays off, no exceptions. These past couple of years i've been working hard on finding myself, building my career, and just doing me. I was finally at a comfortbale place in my life. With Jay being away made me realize how my life would be with out him. And as much as i want things to work out for us, there were going to be a few minor changes.

........................................

It was Dec 10, 2005, today was the day my honey was coming home. We had all our family and friends over, well all except my dad. He and my mom and ended up divorcing when she found out it was my father who was actaully the chold of Victioria's baby, not Tony. I was completely disgusted with my dad that i cut all tides with him, inclduing Solo, Kelly, and Angie. My mom tried to stay and work things out but when she found out about the child, thats when she threw in the towel. And i dont blame her. I know thats kind of hypocritical for me to say that because considering the same thing happened between me and Jay, but it just that my mom and dad had time put in. Like they've spent most of there life together and when you think you know someone, they turn around and do you bold. And as for me and Jay even if he and i would have ended things, big-whoop, it was only 7 month of my life i wasted, im still young i would have eventually got over it. But being married for 20 plus years thats just something you dont do.

Everything was all entact for Jay's arrival, it was only a matter of time before he would arrive. We we're having a nice little gathering at my old place, which was now Solo's and Daniel's, over the course of time and the arrival of the twins, i need somethin new and i needed something bigger. So i got together with an architecture, who was also my trainer who helped me lose my weight from the twins to build me my own private estate on the upper eatside in Manhattan. Being that i'm always in the public and the papparazzi is always sworming me, i needed a place where i myself and my kids could be safe and comfortable. Over time he and i became a bit close, but nothing in that matter. He was just good company while Jay was gone. I would never cheat on Jay, i dont care if he was in jail, it's just not right. With time winding down, and i was only minutes away from reuniting with my love and i hardly couldnt even wait.

When Jay arrived, i had no clue that he was even there. I was upstairs taking Bryson to the bathroom, he was in his potty trainging mode. Brook was perfectly at getting up and using the bathroom, but Bryson on the otherhand he just wanna give me a hard time about it. I turned my back for one second and Bryson had stuffed tissue all in the toilet.

(Bey) "Bryson Corey Carter!" i yelled to him, as he broke out crying. He knew he was about to get in trouble. I placed Bryson over away from the toilet, after cleaningh him up and getting him situated, then proceeded on to get the tissue out the toilet. "Eww this shit is disugusting..." i mumbled to myself.

(Bryson) "Whaaaaa....Wahaaa....." he cried.

I turned around to tend to Bryson because his crying was becoming a bit overwhelming. "Shhh Shhh now.....mommy's not mad at you baby, but you no better."

(Bryson) wiping his eyes "I sorry mum mum, can i have cookie."

(Bey) "It's okay and I already told you, you have to wait until you eat and thats when daddy gets here."

(Bryson) "Can daddy give me cookie mommy..."

(Bey) "Yes, daddy can give you a cookie..." i said chuckling "But you have too eat first okay."

(Bryson) "Yayayayay, i gonna get cookie mommy."

(Bey) "Yes baby, now calm down..." i said fixing his clothing to make sure he looked right for when Jay got here "Come baby, lets go check on sister." i said opening the door to the bathroom, i'll just have the nanny come and clean this mess up.

And just when i was heading out into the hall, i saw Jay coming up the stairs and i immediately lost it. I ran over to him, completely forgetting about Bryson who was running after me because he was thinking i was playing or something, jumping into Jay's arms as he lifted me up into the air, squeezing me tightly, and kissing me nonstop.

(Bey) "Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay..." i screamed "OMG I MISSED YOU LIKE CRAZY!!!" i said kissing back on him.

(Bryson) "DADDY, DADDDY, DADDDDDY!!!" Bryson srceamed, as he jumped up and down. Jay was no stranger to Bryson or Brook, they knew exactly who he was from all the frequent visits we took, going to see Jay in jail.

(Jay) "I missed you too..." he said hugging me "" And whats up little man..." he said holding out one of his hands for Bryson to slap him a five.

(Bryson) slaps five with Jay "You out of jail daddy?"

(Jay) "Yea son. daddy's out of jail." he said finally releasing me "And you dont ever have to worry about daddy going back?"

(Bryson) "Good. Cuz i dont like you in there, those people there are mean."

(Jay) chuckling

(Bey) "So did you see everyone?"

(Jay) "Yea i did, man i cant believe how grown baby girl is getting, you should of heard the way she was talking to me downstairs."

(Bey) "I told you, she a trip." i said laughing, then it became queit as just sat there staring at me. "Why are you looking at me like that?" i said sligtly amused.

(Jay) "Oh so what i cant look a you now?" he joked.

(Bey) "Na you could...it's just....." i said becoming speechless, as Jay sexed me with his eyes "ok you have to stop doing that, really before you start something up and FYI your son is sitting right here." i flirtatiously said.

(Jay) "And i aint doing nothing." he playfully said, licking his lips.

(Bryson) "Daddy, mommy said i can have cookie, give me cookie daddy!"

(Jay) fousing on Bryson "Okay little man...we gonna get you a cookie."

(Bey) "No remeber i told yo---"

(Rih) "Oh there you are.." she said coming up the stairs, Rih was my nanny. She was about 16, a bit young tp be a nanny, but she excelent help. "I've been looking all over for you."

(Bey) "Oh yea, i had took him to use the bathroom and he stuffed toilet paper in the toiliet, which by the way reminds me....do you think you could clean that up please?"

(Rih) "Sure no problem..." she said "Ima get Bryson situated to eat, Brooks says she wants to eat with her brother so...." she said giggling a bit.

(Bey) "She kills me with that." i began "Oh Rih, did you have a chance to meet Jay?"

(Rih) "No actually i didnt, hi nice to finally meet you." she said extending out her hand so Jay can shake it.

(Jay) "Nice to meet you too."

(Rih) "Okay, well im gonna get them situated, i guess i'll see yal in a bit." she said as they made their way down the stairs.

(Bey) "Ok, i'll be right behind you."

Next thing you know when i turned back aorund towards Jay, he had grabbed ahold of me and began kissing me. I tried to resist becasue well one, somebody could walk up and catch us and well two, somebody is going to come looking for us which leads to us being caught.

(Bey) "Jay, baby.....come on stop, lets just wait until later."

(Jay) "I been waiting for 2 1/2 years, i cant wait no more...." he said pushing me into the bathroom.

(Bey) "I understand that Jay but we got all the rest of the night for that, lets just get back to the party."

(Jay) "Man fuck that party...." he said undoing his pants "All im worried about is you." he said practically charging at me with his damn pants down.

At that point i knew Jay wasnt taking no for an answer, so unwillingly i gave in. I prepared myself for what it was Jay was about to give me. I knew he was coming hard, shit its been 2 years. Jay had easy acess, i had on a dress, and i wasnt wearing any panties. Thats because i had forgot to pack some last night when i was making my way over to here. Jay place me on the counter next to the sink, he flipped up my dress and entered in and he and I both let out a huge yell. I felt like a virgin all over again. It's a shame what 2 years would do to you. Every bit of movement Jay did inside of me, was painful as hell. My mody cringed at each movement.

(Bey) "Uhhhh......" i said gasping for my breath "Jay you have to pull out it cant take it much longer."

(Jay) "Come B.." he said "Just let me get one off....."

So i sat back and shutted up and took it like a G, and shit in all honestly i was on the verge of comming too. Jay went harder and harder as he was about to erupt, and together just like that we both came and we set in the bathroom resting on each other as if we had been going on for hours, but in reality it was just 15 mins. I know, i know...but give us some time and we'll be back at our usual love making selves.

(Jay) "Whoo..." Jay said standing up to gather himself.

(Bey) "I dont know what you doing all that for, like you just really put in some work." i joked, hopping off the counter to clean myself up.

(Jay) "Oh hush......you just wait. I bet you next time....Ima beat that pussy up!" he joked back.

(Bey) "Whatever....now come on stupid before somebody comes looking for us." i said making my way out the bathroom, with Jay following behind.

(Jay) "They probably heard us, with that loud ass screaming you was doing."

(Bey) "Keep talking minute man." i teased.

(Jay) "Oh i see you got jokes now...."

(Bey) "Yup, just a few."

And with that Jay and I went off to enjoy the rest of the party. Where we got picked on for trying to have a quickie upstairs. Thats right they heard us. And if you could see the look on Yai Yai, my mom, and Gloria's face, man it was priceless. I gave Jay his distance for the rest of the night, well at least i tried, his ass wouldnt stay off of me. We all went on to have a good time. Even with Shellybeing there. The best part about the night was the kids wanting to spend time to Jay. I was a little skeptical that they weren't going to be able to adjust to Jay being around fully now, because they only seen in jail. It was hard for me to bring them around,with Jay being in shackles and chains, but they soon became use to it. Jay was very into the kids, you could tell he was happy with them. Jay being home is going to be like Sun on a winter's day, which is very much needed. Im ready to build my family and work on things between Jay and I.