We need to talk

Since being out of jail, i wanted to give Jay his space so he can get back into the flow of things and feel comfortable again. It's only been a couple weeks. I had put off discussing with him some things in which i feel we needed to discuss. We've been staying at his place since mine is still being worked on, but Mehki, my architecture said just one more week and it'll all be ready. I was excited to start fresh in my new house. I have a brand new outlook on things, a new attitude, and a new life. I was now a mother, which is the most wonderful experience ever. Today was Saturday, it was one of my off days. I had just got back from doing my last minute christmas shopping. Normally i fly out to my mom's and spend christmas with them but now that things have changed, i decided to just have one amongst Jay, myself, and the kids. But i did say it was cool for Solo and Daniel to come over because i had some things for Juelz. And this was going to be there first christmas together as a family. They've been married since February of 2004 and she had gave birth to Juelz in October of that year. Part of the reason they got married was because she had gotten pregnant. I tried talking with her telling her she didnt have to marry him because she was pregnant, but seeing them  together and happy made me realize my sister knew what she was doing. For the past 2 1/2 years i was able to analyze my own relationship, as well as all the many of people around me who are in relationships to interpret on how i want things to be between Jay and I.Although things between us was good, i felt they could be better.

..........................

I had just walked in the house from doing some last minute christmas shopping, the kids were off taking there nap, which was good because i didnt have time for them hopping all around over the place and getting into the things i just bought. I was met my Jay in the Kitchen area, i had just finished putting away the gifts into a closet, to keep Jay and the kids from seeing what i got. I was a little uneasy about being around him, knowing that what i had to tell him.

(Jay) "Hey babe..." he said going to plant a kiss on my lips, but i turned away an gave him my cheek, which meant something was up. "You okay?" he asked.

(Bey) "Yea, im fine." but the way i said it, was not believable, but i was fine i just was worried about how Jay is going to feel after this conversation. "Im just thinking about something thats all."

(Jay) "Like what?" he asked following me into the bedroom.

(Bey) "Where are the kids?" i asked, going into the room.

(Jay) "Oh there in the other room..."

I walked back out and headed into the other room to check on them. They were still sound asleep "So whats up? Whats on your mind?" he asked again.

(Bey) "Well i was trying to figure out when would be the right time to tell you, but i guess now's the time." i said as we made our way back into Jay's room.

(Jay) "Tell me what, your not pregnant are you?" he said sarcastically.

(Bey) "No im not, and tell you somethings that i have been thinking about, as far as for our relationship."

Jay fell on to the bed, i can tell he was getting frustrated, but he was just going to have to deal with it. I have no time in my life for bullshit. Im 24 now and all i wanted do is work on brightening up my future.

(Jay) "Damn, i thought we were cool with everything B, i mean it's been almost 3 years, like when are you going let it go?" he began.

(Bey) "First off, if you think im talking about Shelly, im not. Trust, if i wasnt over it, we would not be sitting here today." i snapped. I didnt want to take it there, but he made me.

(Jay) "Then what is it then?" he said in a more calming tone, causing me to get back calm.

(Bey) "Look Jay..." i said climbing into bed next to him. "All im saying is, so much has happened to me in these past few years, and all i wanna do is make the next few years of my life and so on the best and i really want you apart of it.....The years you spent in jail made me realize a few things, starting with what i expect of our relationship."

(Jay) "What about it?"

(Bey) "Well for starters i think we should go to counseling."

(Jay) "COUNSELING?!" he yelled aloud.

(Bey) "Hush before you wake the kids and yes counseling...." i said in a loud whisper as if they were next to me.

(Jay) "My bad, but counseling B though, like really?"

(Bey) "Yes counseling Jay, and its nothing like you think. We're not in a bad place, we're actually in a good place and i feeli if go see marriage counselor or family counselor or what ever, it would help us to build a strong foundation for our family, and we can know whats wrong and right about our relationship."

(Jay) "If everything is fine B, i dont see why we have to go." he said beginning to sit up on the bed. I could tell he was becoming frustrated again.

(Bey) "Well if you heard anything i said, then you would know." i said as i got frustrated.

Jay sits on the edge of the bed, and lets out a deep sigh "So if i dont go, what then i guess we over."

(Bey) "Why do you have to mkae this more difficult then what it is?"

(Jay) "Thats you, with wanting t go to counseling and shit."

(Bey) "Thats because i want us to work out."

(Jay) "If we work out, we work out. I dont need no counselor to tell me if we're going to work out or not, PERIOD." he said storming out of the room and out the front door. Before i could even get up to go follow afterhim, my phone went off. It was Mehki, probably calling about something dealing with the house, but i was in no mood to answer so i ignored but of course he left a voicemail, which like i said was about the house. I then tried calling Jay back but he didnt answer, i texted Ye to see if he had contacted him in the matter of minutes but he didnt, but i told him to let me know if he does. And as i was in the middle of sending Jay a rutheless text message, Brooklyn woke up so i had to go cater to her.

(JAY'S POV)

I cant believe Beyonce is trying to have me go to counseling. If we're so in a good place then why do we need to go. I just dont understand it. I mean if she wants to be with me, then she'll be with me. I swear i just dont get her at times. I only been out of jail for not even a month and already i have to deal with some bull shit. I knew i just needed to leave before i said something i was going to regret. I been trying hard to work on my temper, but it gets tough. I decided to go me up with Shelly and Samuel at the park, to clear my head. And well i havent seen much of Samuel since being home, and im not trying to be one of those dead beat dads. I pulled up to the park and saw Shelly pushing Samuel on the swing, i decided to sneak up on them and surprise them.

(Jay) "Is that my little man..." i cheefully said walking up from behind the swing.

(Shelly) "Omg Shawn..." she said turning around slightly startled. "When did you get here?" she asked.

(Jay) "I just pulled up a minute agao..." i said giving Shelly a hug.

(Shelly) hugging Jay back "Look Sammy....do you know who this is?"

(Samuel) "Dadddddddyyyy..." he sreamed in excitement.

(Jay) "Thats right man..." i said grabbing him out of the swing to hug him "You doing alright?" i said shaking on his hand as i held him.

(Samuel) "I do alright..." he said back.

(Jay) "Your mama got you out here in the cold huh?"

(Shelly) "Nooooo, he's been begging me all morning to take him to the park, so finally i gave in."

(Jay) "Well unfortunately your dad doesnt do the cold, so how about we go get something to eat instead."

(Samuel) "n i can have ice scream."

(Jay) "Yeeeeea, you could have some ice scream..." i said picking with Sammy.

After getting Sammy into the car, i hopped in mine, as Shelly followed behind to a nice warm cozy diner, up the street called Malotto. We got in there it was seated pretty fast because they werent really that business. And just as we finished ordering, i recieved this crazy ass text from B saying:

(recieved) Really Shawn.....Its cool though. Dont bother even looking for me. Me and the kids will not be there when you get there. When your ready to come to your senses give me a call, but until then DONT BOTHER CALLING!!!!! I dont even care if you show up tomorrow.

I didnt even text back. I was just gonna give her some time to cool down before i spoke with her. Why add fuel to the fire.Throughout the meal, i didnt do much talking, well i played around with Sammy, but that doesnt really count. I guess Shelly must have sensed something was bothering, because she had what was wrong, and although i denied that it was, she just knew, so i told her.

(Shelly)  "So go to counseling then..." she said, just after i finished telling her about the situation.

(Jay) "But thats the thing, i dont understand why we need too."

(Shelly) "Really Jay....your the one fucking her but even i could tell you why you need to." she snapped.

(Jay) "So tell me then..."

(Shelly) "Well for starters, instead of sitting here with me and Samuel , you need to be over there working things out with her. Samuel is your son and he will always be, and although she is the mother of your kids, at the end of the day thats all she has too be. And secondly, hell look at all this woman has put up with for you and you cant even do this one little thing for her. Your lucky she's still fighting for your ass and havemt given up on  you. She could have easily left your ass sitting in jail but she didnt did she...." she said as i sat there with out anything to say, because i knew Shelly was right, just as well as i knew B was "Right nothing to say." she finished off.

(Jay) "Man how could i be so insensitive and so blind."

(Shelly) "Thats because your afraid to let someone love you, either because some either fucked you over in the past or you fucked over somebody in the past and you just dont know how to deal with it."

(Jay) "And you know all this how?"

(Shelly) "Well i did just get my degree in psychology..." she said very proudly.

(Jay) "Ha check you out..." i said letting out a brief chuckle. "Damn i got a lot of making up to do." i said quietly to myself.

(Shelly) "So you ready to get out of here, i need to go put him down for a nap?"

(Jay) "Yea, we can..." i said signaling for a waiter. I began to think about my time with Sammy and Shelly and it's fucked up that we're in the situation that we're in, but ima make sure i handle my responsibities. And thats making sure Sammy grows up with the proper love he needs. "Aye Shelly...." i said just after picking up the check.

(Shelly) "Whats up?" she said as she got Sammy together.

(Jay) "What are your plans for tomorrow?"

(Shelly) "Well im taking Sammy over to my mom's to open gifts and stuff there, but other than that i have nothing planned."

(Jay) "How about you bring Sammy over by my house tomorrow, so he can be with his brother and sister and me."

(Shelly) "I dont know, have you talked to Beyonce about it, i dont want no bad tension."

(Jay) "Dont worry about it, i'll deal with her."

(Shelly) "Well i'll only come if its cool with her, you cant afford to keep messing up."

(Jay) "I hear you."

After that Shelly and I said our goodbyes and then we left. I was about head home when i decided i needed to make things right with B. After calling Solo to see if she was over there, i headed on over to Kelly's because i knew if she wasnt at Lo's then she would be there, and with out a doubt she was. Her car was parked in front of Kelly's place. I got out and knocked on the door and just as i expected B answered the door, i swear her eyes turned red when she saw it was me.

(Bey) "What are you doing here?" she said with the mos snootiest attitude.

(Jay) "I came to talk if thats cool with you."

(Bey) "Oh you wanna now, but earlier you wanna pitch a fit and storm out."

(Jay) "I said i came to talk not argue...."

(Kelly) "Who's that B?" she yelled from the living room.

(Bey) "Nobody but Jay."

(Kelly) "Hey Jay...." she yelled to me.

(Jay) "Whats up Kel?" i yelled back "So you gonna let me in or are you gonna let me freeze?" i asked to B.

She didnt say anything, she just pulled the door back, far enough to where i could walk in. I walked into the living with Kelly who was playing on the couch with the twins. When she saw me and B come in, she got up excusing herself, taking the kids with her.

(Bey) "So where did you run off too?" she said as she sat down on the couch.

(Jay) "I didnt run off nowhere, i went and met up with Shelly."

(Bey) "Ha figures...." she mmubled loudly.

(Jay) "What that suppose to mean?" i said getting a bit mad, but B just gave me a evil look. "Well since where speaking oh Shelly, i thought it would be good for me to tell you that i invited her over tomorrow."

(Bey) "For what?"

(Jay) "What you mean for what, because of Sammy thats why. Got dammit B, you really killing me with this shit."

(Bey) "Well can you blame me?"

(Jay) "Alright man look, im tired of us arguing and shit, if you wanna go to counseling FINE i'll go to counseling."

(Bey) "You aint doing me no favor, you showed me what you wanted this morning remember?" she said still with her attitude.

(Jay) "Well i was mad shit, i just spent almost 3 years in jail and i come home and have to deal with you wanting to go to counseling, who the fuck goes to counseling."

(Bey) starts getting up off the couch "Well how about this Jay, dont go to counseling, DONT FUCKING GO. But excuse me for trying to help our relatuonship." she said and headed off into the room with Kelly. Leaving me in the room alone. I waited out in the living room for a few moments to see if she'd return but when she didnt, i left and went home. It was still kind of early in the day, so after going home i showered and threw on some sweats and a shirt and waited for B to come home. She never showed up, i was well off to sleep by the time she made it home. I just remember waking up and seeing her and the kids asleep in the other room. I hate when B and I fight, but part of what makes our relationship strong because sooner or later we're gonna over come this, which means if i have to suck and up and just take my ass to counceling, i mean like what can be so bad about it. I guess thats what they mean by compromising.