Christmas with Jay and I, there was extreme tension. I only returned because I didnt want to ruin christmas for the kids, although Jay and i were mad at each other, the little words we spoke to each other kept us from arguing, especially in front of the kids, Solo and Daneil, and especially Shelly. They didnt need to know that Jay and I were fighting, although im sure Solo caught on and she just didnt say anything. On ther other hand christmas turned out good, but Jay and I still havent been seeiing eye to eye. And unfortunately i dont have time right now to try and sort things out. I been asked to host this New Years Eve party down in the Square, so thats pretty much what i've been preparing for. Jay has been giving me this sour ass attitude becasue he doesnt want to go, he wants me to stay in with him and the kids.
I know Jay might be feeling some type of way right now about me working because he hasnt in almost 3 years, but he chose to retire from the industry and just spend his time, working on things with his team, and things with his label, not to mention all his other associations as well. At this point i am in no mood to slow down, with my first album bringing me 5 grammys, best album of the year award, best female solo artist, and the list goes on has made my hunger for ambition so much heavier. I never thought in so many years that i would experience so much success and accomplish so many things, all at a young age. They're already labeling me as a legend in the making and been comparing to Michael Jackson, who is my inspiration. And if Jay ever truly knew what it meant to have everything you worked hard for, fall all in to place for you then he would understand.
..................................
It was mid-day, still ealry in the day. I had just put the twins down. Jay was upfront watching tv. Me, i was getting ready to head over to Ty's because he had a couple of fits and dresses he wanted me to check out for tonight. I was excited because Ty always have me lookig right. I began gather my keys and purse to leave.
(Jay) "You going somewhere?" he asked staring at me.
(Bey) "Yea i told you i had to go meet up with Ty."
(Jay) "What the twins doing?"
(Bey) "I just put them down for a nap."
(Jay) "Oh."
(Bey) "Why whats up?" i asked Jay, sensing he was feeling some type of way.
(Jay) "Nothing...." he said and went back on watching tv. I just sat there staring at him for a minute, at times Jay can act like a big ass baby.
(Bey) "You want me to get you something while your out?" i asked trying to be nice.
(Jay) "Na im good."
(Bey) "Well im about to head out, because we have a few things to do aside from picking out a dress. and besides Julius is out side waiting."
(Jay) "Alright" he said all nonchalant, and that right there was my que to leave, fuck Jay and his funky attitude.
I barely opened the door to my car before my phone started ringing, it was Mehki calling. I had forgot all about calling him back the other day. I decided to answer to hear the latest on the house.
(Bey) "Hello..."
(Mehki) "You are a hard woman to find, you know that..." he immediately started joking.
(Bey) chuckling "Im sorry, it just i have been busy and distracted with Jay being home and all."
(Mehki) "Oh i understand, it's nothing wrong with a little loving..."he continued joking.
(Bey) "Ha, BOY!..." i said as i burst out laughing "You are crazy....."
(Mehki) laughing "hahaaha, im just fooling with ya....how you been?"
(Bey) "I been alright i guess, you know me i be taking care of business."
(Mehki) "Yea, i hear. But i dont blame you, you gotta work hard for that money."
(Bey) "I work hard for the money, Whoo-whoo-whoo, so hard for the money..." i began singing in the phone, making Mehki laugh.
(Mehki) "Haaaaaa, girl you silly."
(Bey) laughing too "Anywho...Mister, how have you been? How's my house?"
(Mehki) "Check you out..." he said letting a brief laugh " but i been good, and your house is comig along great, if you would have andwered the phone the other day, you would have known that i finshed it all up." he said playfully.
(Bey) "OMG REALLY!!" i said full with excitement. "I wanna see, i wanna see."
(Mehki) "Ok, ok....calm down, i got yo....im actually on my way over there now to do my last little run through, if you got time, you can stop by, come get a peek and get the keys."
I began to check the time to see how much time i had to spare, i had a good 20/30 minutes. "Alright, well give me about 10 maybe 15 mins."
(Mehki) "Okay, well im pulling up now, i'll see you when you get here."
(Bey) "Okay" i said hanging up.
With the flow of Traffic, i was there in 20 mins. Traiffic in NY is ridiculous especially during the winter. When i pulled up my eyes lit up like a little kid in the candy store. I couldnt believe my eyes. The last time i saw my house was when i first selected it, i havent seen it since then. I was eager and anxious to see the outcome. I love that it had it's own buitl in fence, so i dont have to worried about people getting into my yard. I pulled into the driveway as, Mehki unlocked the door for it. I then got out the carand we proceed on into the house. The best part about the house was how spacious and open it was and my own personal poor. I couldnt wait to christen it up. This house was huge, 4 bed rooms, 3 up and 1 down, 3 1/2 bathrooms, 2 upstairs, 1 on the main level, and the other in the basement, which also had a movie theatre down there, and and office room, down the hall from th living room. It may seem like a lot, but with me the twins, and Rih staying here it just enough. Yea, i decided to have her come live with me, being that i wanted Jay and I to keep our seperate places.
(Mehki) "So what do you think?" Mehki asked, as we were making our way back downstairs, from having just seen the upstairs.
(Bey) "I love it duuuuuuuh, you cant see my face." i said cheesing extra hard.
(Mehki) "Well on that note, here are your keys darling, feel free to move in when ever you are ready."
(Bey) "Damn, now i feel like we need to crack open s bottle or something, christen up the house a little bit."
(Mehki) "Well how about we head on upstairs to the bedroom and christen that up." he playfully flirted with me. Mehki was always making little jokes and comments to me, but i dont ever take him literally because i know he's playing.
(Bey) "Ha here you go with this."
(Mehki) "Or we could just getting popping right here...." he said playfully grabbing on me.
(Bey) giggling "Stop that....and i bet you, you would love that wouldnt you...." i said teasing him.
(Mehki) chuckling "Yuuuuuuuup......."
(Bey) "Meh--- you know what... come on fool, lets go before you make me late."
(Mehki) "Late for what?" he said following behind me as we made our way out the door.
(Bey) "Nothing, just some business i have to tend too, you know i stay busy."
(Mehki) "Yea busy as a bee...."
After getting outside, Mehki and i shared a few brief words, then we hugged and said our goodbyes. After getting in the car i sent a text to Jay to check on the twins.
(Sent) "Hey what are the kids doing?"
(recieved) "Nothing much, they eating right now. What are you doing?"
(Sent) "In the car about to head oer to Ty's."
(Recieved) "I thought you would have been there by now."
(Sent) "Well i would have been but i had to make a quick pit stop."
(Recieved) "Oh okay, well how long do you think until you come home."
(Sent) "Uhm, a few hours why is something wrong?"
(Recieved) "No, i was just wondering thats all."
(Sent) "Well alright, i'll talk to you later, ima be pulling up at Ty's house in a minute."
(Recieved) "Well okay, i guess i'll see you when you get here."
After texting Jay, i could tell that he was still in his little mood and i was tired of talking if Jay wasnt willing to listen. Im not going to force him into counseling if its not something that he wants to do, but he needs to know that things are different now, so he needs to get with the program. After leaving from meeting with Mehki, shortly after i arriving at Ty's.
I walked into the house as my normal and cheerful self, putting aside my frustration i was feeling with Jay "Hey Hey Hey, it's me.." i said walking in as Ty met me in the living room.
(Ty) "Hey Booga..." Ty said as he hugged me "Well dont you look cute today?" I was wearing some cut up jeans with a all white beater, and some scandals, just casual.
(Bey) "Well if you think im cute now, just wait until you see me later..." i joked as we broke into a laugheter "Where's Angie?" i asked looking around to see no sign of her.
(Ang) "Here i am...." she said walking into the room with a glassof red wine.
(Bey) "Well damn, i cant get a cup." i continued to joke.
(Ang) "Here you can have mine..." she said handing me her drink "I had about 4 glasses anyway."
(Ty) "Did you just say 4...Oh i know you didnt just kill my brand new bottle just like that." Ty playfully snapped.
(Ang) "Thats cuz im going through something you guys.. " Angie whined as she dramatically fell out onto the couch.
(Bey) "Girl what could you possibly be going through, you aint got no man to stress you honey..." i teased, making my way to sit down.
(Ang) "First off fuck you okay! And secondly FYI, i do have one, had him for 6 months...i just kept it on the DL."
(Ty) "The super DL, how come we never heard anything about him or her, if it even really is a him." Ty continued to tease Angie.
(Bey) takes sip "HA.....TY!!!! You are crazy, i almost spit up my drink."
(Angie) "You know what fuck the both of you...." she said sticking out her tonuge.
(Bey) "And baby, you know we're just playing with you...now come on and tell mama whats wrong?" i conitnued to play, but was really serious.
Angie went on to tell us about her boyfriend Allen, she's been dating for the past 6 months. She met him at the grocery store and they've really seemed to have hit things off and Angie's really feeling him, aside from the fact that he's not putting out.
(Bey) "Well that's the first?" i said.
(TY) "I guess there are a few decent guys left after all..."
(Ang) "Well at this point, i could care less about decent...i havent had sex in so long, i'll give anything for some hot body to body action" she said doing some sort of sexual movement on Ty's couch, causing me to feel a bit uncomfortable.
(Ty) "Well if you looking to try shit with my couch, you can just stop that now, thats just nasty." Ty teased.
(Ang) "But you guyssssss...." she whinned out "Im dying over here."
(Bey) "Man 6 months..." i said as i sat over there thinking about it "Jay and i barely got past a month."
(Ty) "Im surprised yal made it past a week, with yal freak asses."
(Bey) laughing "I dont know how either." i joked.
Ty, Angie, and myslelf spent our next few moments talking, laughing, and carrying on. I filled them in on Jay and I being that i wasnt trying to bring it up, but it just came out. Both of them gave me their hinest opinions and views, but it's not like i needed them anyway. But it was nice to hear what they had to say. Shortly after we got into what i had came over for and that was trying on my outfits. Once i found the perfect dress, we headed off into the city to do some last minute errand runs, then i met with my stylist to get my hair done, and once that was all over, i headed home to pick up a few things, then i proceeded on to the venue, where the party was being held to finish getting ready.
When i got home, Jay was sitting on the couch in his sweat shirt and sweat pants having a glass of wine. I greeted him to let him know i was back then headed back into the room to get my there, where i got houded by Brook and Bryson.
(Brook) "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy look what i did?" she said showing me a picture of different color scribbles, she had did.
(Bryson) "Look at mines Mommy, look at mines." Bryson added.
(Bey) "Ohhh pretty, baby girl did you do that all by yourself, and Bryson whats that suppose to be?" i asked unsure.
(Bryson) "Its you mommy..." he said as he began pointing out features.
I was trying not to let the kids become a distraction, but it seemed now that they were. Jay must have knew the kids were getting in my way because here he came trying to get them to settle down.
(Jay) "BB and BJ" he said coming into the room. "Yal go back into the other room and finish playing, let mommy finish getting ready."
Immediately they went off, it seemed as though lately Jay have really gotten a hold on the kids. I tell them to do something, they act as if they dont hear me and when Jay tell them to do something, they do it. How does then manage to happen and he's been with them for a only 2 weeks.
I continued to gatehr my things, as Jay stood in the doorway watching. I knew he wanted to say something, but i dont know what he was waiting for.
(Bey) "Thanks" i said to him,referring to himhandling the kids.
(Jay) "No problem.." he said making his way into the room "B, can i talk to you for a min."
Although i really didnt have a minute to spare, i made time for Jay, because i wanted to know what he had to say "Sure, whats up?" i said stopping what i was doing to focus my attention on him.
(Jay) "I've been thinking, a lot about what you said the other day. I guess i was a little crabby still about being in jail but i wanna let you know i gave it some thought, i think counseling would be good for us."
(Bey) "What made you change your mind?" i asked, trying to be all nonchalant.
(Jay) "The twins, you, me, us." he said getting up and moving closer to me "I've been an asshole for quite some time now, and when i look at you, and i see how you remain strong, humble, and still so loving and caring after all that has happened, made me realize more how much you worth to me, and as your fiance and future husband I just want to show you how much you mean and worth to me."
(Bey) "Well how do i know this time, that your not just running your mouth, you know your good for that."
(Jay) "Well not saying all those other times i didnt mean what i said, cuz i did and i do, it's just that when i was sitting in jail, knowing that i wasnt going to be able to wake up to your beautiful face everyday, tell you i love you, and be there for the kids....made think about if i were to lose you for good. Cuz i dont ever want to lose you B, your like my betterhalf, in fact you are my betterhalf and you and me together we equal better math." he said trying to be all mushy and cute.
And once again here i go being al vulnerable and forgiving again, but how couldnt i be with out allowing us to move forward. "What am i going to do with you Jay?" i chuckled. Jay had a way with words and he knew how to make me feel a certain way.
(Jay) "Well i can name a few.." he said grabbing me by the waist.
(Bey) "Oh no.." i said pushing away "You are NOT about to sweat out my hair and besides i have to hurry up and go, im already running late."
(Jay) "Fine...ima let you go" he said stepping back "But when you get home...that ass is MINE." he said smacking me extremely hard on the butt.
(Bey) "Ow...." i said rubbing my butt as i ade my way to the door "Brook, Bryson, come give mommmy some love, im about to go." i called out to them "You better hope i dont have no bruise." i said to Jay who just chuckled and grinned at me.
(Brook) "Where you going mommmy?" she asked running up to the door.
(Bey) ""Mommy has to go to work, but i'll be back tonight? okay?"
(Brook) "But me dont want you to go?" she said beginning to cry.
(Bey) "Aww i know baby" i said becoming teary eyed "But mommy well be back and in the morning im going to make us breakfast, okay?"
(Brook) "o'tay" she said still halfway crying.
(Bey) "Come here son" i said to Bryson.
(Bryson) "Yes mommy..."
(Bey) "Take care of sister for me while i'm gone, okay big man...can you do that."
(Bryson) "Yea i can do that mommy..."he said nodding his head.
(Bey) "Now give me some loving..." i said kneeling down to hug them "Aww my babies.." i said as i placed kisses on them squeezing them tight. "I love you two."
(Brook and Bryson) "And we love you mommy."
(Jay) "Alright guys, come on, lets let mommy go." he said breaking us apart "Yal wanna watch Lion King with daddy."
(Brook) "Yayyayayay LIIIIIIIIIION KIIIIIING!!!" she screamed in excitement.
(Bryson) "I do, i do, i do..." Bryson said hopping up and down.
(Jay) laughing "Alright, yal go in the back and get your covers so we can make us a palet and get us some snacks.
(Brook and Bryson) "Okay" they said as they ran off.
(Jay) helping Bey up "Love you, have a good night." he said hugging me then kissing me.
(Bey) "I love you too, and i'll try to be out of there by one, okay."
(Jay) "Alright..." he said kissin Bey again "See ya later."
(Bey) "Okay" i said then headed out the door.
After leaving i felt better than before, aside from me leaving my babied Brook and Bryson. The look of dissappointment makes it hard for me. And i love my kids to death but i also love what i do. I never thought it would be this hard, i also thought things would be easier once Jay was home, but that feeling that i feel is not a good one. The rest of the night turned out good, once i gotten over everything. I had Ty and Angie by my side for help and assistance which made the night so much better. I was even able to get home by 1. And when i got there, Jay and the kids was passed out on the couch, and Lion King had started over. After taking the kids to their bed, i got out of my clothes and put on my pajamas, and cuddled on the couch with Jay, who had awoke from my movement.
(Jay) "Oh man..." he said just after yawning. "What time is it he said in his sleepy voice."
(Bey) "1:41..." i said after checking my phone.
(Jay) "You had a good time?"
(Bey) "Yea, it was straight..." i said letting off a yawn. "I couldnt wait to get back home to you in the kids though."
(Jay) "Oh yea..." he said sarcastically.
(Bey) "Yea.." i said with a giggle.
(Jay) "You know i meant what i said earlier...." Jay siad tunring over to look at me.
(Bey) "Yes Jay....and im glad you finally came around, i promise it want be as bad you think?"
(Jay) "As bad as i think? What you think im talking about?" he asked.
(Bey) "Counseling, what esle?"
(Jay) gives B a look "You know..." he replied.
(Bey) "Oh uh-un Jay...i am too tired." i said trying to get out of having sex.
(Jay) "Dont wanna hear it..." he said rolling over on top of me.
(Bey) "Cant we just wait until the morning..."
(Jay) starts kissing on B "Nope, you thought i was playing.......yo ass is mine." he said as he proceeded on.
And with me giving in, Jay and I went on and had some good ol couch sex, floor sex, carpet sex, and all. I probably even got a few carpet burns from rubbing against the carpet. And our night eneded just like that.
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