Chp 32 Where it All Began

RE-CAP: Jay met up with Sanaa and Sanaa met up with Bey. Bey and Jay got into a little argument but it led to some good sex. Meanwhile Tony and Bey shared a serious moment after Tony tried to commit suicide. 

(Chapter Mood Introduction)

Since coming home from with Tony, i was completely drained. I spent the morning drinking and smokey. After a while, i decided to take a nice long, hot relaxing shower. And so i did. The whole time i just let the water run down through my hair and then dripped down on my face. I was trying to wash away all that i was feeling, from Tony, to Jay, and to Sanaa. Yal know I'm good for having a nervous break down. But i just wanted to feel relaxed again. 

After showering, i walked around in my towel for a minute. It felt good to be comfortable. My phone started ringing from downstairs, where i had left it. I saw that it was my mom calling, i answered the phone as i made my way back upstairs. I was trying to sound as normal as possible.

***(PHONE CONVO)

BEY:   "Hey mommy...." i said sounding like a little kid.

MS. TINA:   "Hey baby, are you alright?"

BEY:   "Alright?..." i asked aloud to myself "...Yea, ma...im good."

MS. TINA:   "Well are you sure, cuz i heard about Tony'y father....and i know close you guys were.....and i just wanted to make sure you were okay."

When i heard my mom speak, she sounded as if she had been crying. But my mom always gets sentimental over things like this, especially is she knew them. But i hated when my mom cried.

BEY:   "Yea mama, I'm sure.....but are you okay?" i asked.

MS. TINA:   "Yea, it's just sad to me thats all....they family has been through so much."

BEY:   "Yea, i know....."

MS. TINA:   "Well enough of that, I'm not trying to start crying over the phone" she started saying "Im just wanted to let you know, i called the producers to see what they can do, letting them know the situation and they said they if you want you could take some time off."

I was so relieved to hear that because i had forgotten about about filming. Leave to my mom for being so strong and always looking ahead.

BEY:   "Thanks mom, that is so good to hear because i sure could use some time off."

MS. TINA:  "I know thats why i went on ahead and made that call......but ima let you go, Shirly's over here to discuss some arrangements about the funeral, so i'll call you later."

BEY:  "Okay mommy, i love you and kiss daddy for me and tell him i love him."

MS. TINA:   "Alright baby, and i love you too." she said as she hung up.

After hanging up with my mom, i set and my bed and cried for a little while, it's like everything i was feeling was all hitting me at once. But it wasn't long until i had to hold it all together when Jay started calling. I brushed my tears, clear my throat, and prepared myself for the conversation.

***(PHONE CONVO)

BEY:   "Hello."

JAY:   "Hello? Is that the first thing you say to me when dissappe---......" changes up his words "You know what i aint even gonna start, where are you?"

Him saying that he was gonna start, had already initiated that he did.

BEY:   "Im at home Jay." i said very dryly.

JAY:    "What time did you get in?" he was talking with an attitude.

BEY:   "A few hours ago, maybe, i don't know."

JAY:   "MAYBE? DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS?" his tone grew sharper and louder. I just rolled my eyes and silently huffed and puffed, to his ignorance.

BEY:   "Yes maybe SHAWN..." i snapped "...GOT DAMN, i wasn't worrying about what time it was when i got in, FUCK, atleast before spazzing out you could have asked if i was okay!" i said then hung up the phone.

He called back maybe twice before he stopped calling completely. I was not about to call him back and kiss his ass. He made me so mad. I grabbed some clothes and threw them on. Then i grabbed my purse, my phone, and my keys and headed out the door. It's been a few hours since i checked on Tony, so i figured i'd swing by.

.............

***(MEANWHILE WITH JAY)

I was so mad with Bey because she was missing the point. Let me with have left at the time she did and came back when she did, she would have flipped out on me. Assuming i was out "Hanging" and shit. She only gets like this when i have to leave.  But if she trust me like she say she does then all of that shouldn't matter.

I been in the studio all day, with Solo. Making songs and beats, just trying to clear my head of shit. I never thought i would be tripping so hard over a girl like this. I guess thats whats special about Bey, she makes me want to change my ways from how i use to be. She makes me want to be a better man. But it's been getting hard with having to deal with her immature behavior and insecurities. 

I headed down stairs so i could get some fresh air. As soon as i stopped outside i saw Sanaa and her niece, getting out of the car. Sanaa was wear this tiny yellow tshirt with some black leggings, making her as look like woah. And her niece was a pretty looking good, who looked like she could fit right into her career path.

(Jay) chuckling "Well you look cold..." i said as i made my ay over to greet her "...How are you doing?" i said as i reached out to hug her.

(Sanaa) "Hi how are you?..." she said as she hugged me back "...and yea, it's a little chilly out here."

(Jay) "Yea, thats March for you..." he said then starts looking at Karina "...So this is your niece?"

(Sanaa) "Yea, this is her...." calls to Karina "Karina come here honey..." speaking to Jay...." She's a little shy." 

(Jay) "What Shy?...." i asked sarcastically "...I hope your not to shy to sing."

(Sanaa) "Karina this is Shawn Carter, and Shawn this is Karina..." she said as Karina walked up.

(Jay) extending out his hand "How you doing shorty?"

(Karina) giggles "Hi...."

(Sanaa) smiling

(Jay) "So yal ready to go up,  and it is getting a little cold out here."

(Sanaa) "Yea let's..." she playfully exaggerated. 

When made it upstairs and introduced Solo to them and them to Solo. Everything was cool.

(Sanaa) "So are you a singer too?" she asked Solo.

(Solo) "Well i can sing, but I DJ."

(Sanaa) "Oh really....my baby brother Tj is a DJ, he travels all over doing parties and events. He really loves it."

(Solo) "Omg really." 

(Sanaa) "Yup."

(Jay) "Aye do they call him tik-tok?"

(Sanaa) "Yea, you know him?"

(Jay) "I sure do....but i lost contact with him, i been trying to get in touch with him to see about coaching Solo, but not thats she needs all too much of it anyway."

(Sanaa) "If you want, i can call him for you and talk to him about it and give you his number, if you want."

(Jay) "Yea, Yea, Yea, that sound cool."

(Sanaa) "Alright great."

A brief awkward silence.

(Jay) "So Karina, you ready?" i asked, remembering why they came.

(Karina) gets all nervous "Yea...." she shyly said.

(Jay) "Okay, lets hear it."

When Karina opened her mouth and started singing I was completely blown away. This young girl, was so shy in person, but when she started singing she came alive. Once she was done, me and Solo sat there speechless. Of course Sanaa knew she could sing. And she was right.

(Karina) "So what do you think?"

(Jay) "What do you mean what do i think? You can't tell by face....You got a voice."

(Karina) giggling

(Solo) "Yea girl......im over here like !!!!!!"

(Sanaa and Karina) smiling.

(Jay) "But unfortunately i have to go away for 2 weeks, but ill have the paper work and everything drawn up by then."

(Sanaa) "Okay thats fine."

(Jay) "If you want though, you can stay and we can run some sound tests and get you familiarized with the studio and what not."

(Karina) "Looks up at Sanaa....Can i Auntie Ny?"

(Jay) "Yea, can she Auntie Ny?" i playfully mocked.

(Sanaa) laughs "Sure you can stay, but i can't. I have to make a few runs. But i should be back by the time you guys are finished."

(Jay) "Alright cool and She'll be find, she's in good hands." i said with a smile on my face.

(Sanaa) gives Jay a look "Yea okay, but i have to go though, I'm already running late..." starts walking out "...Okay you guys, see ya later."

(Everybody) "Byyyye"

(Jay) "Solo, i'll be in my office, for a minute i have to go make a call. Show her around a bit."

(Solo) "Alright gotcha bro."

(Sanaa Thoughts)

Im so glad Shawn liked Karina. This is going to make her so happy. This is all she ever wanted and Im glad i was able to give it t her. Her mom's death still take a toll on her but she's a strong girl. I can't believe though, that seeing Shawn today made me feel some type of way. He was so friendly, so sweet, so charismatic, and he also had a since of humor. Nothing of how i expected him to be. Maybe I'm taking in his qualities the wrong way. It has been awhile since i last dated. I've been married for the past 5 years and been separated for 2. So i'm not sure how to take any contact with any new man thats come in my life jet guys that i knew before. And by me and Jay doing what we did the other night, sober or not those images still flash in my head.

............

***(MEANWHILE WITH BEY)

After having a long deep discussion with Tony, i finally came to the conclusion that he should seek psychiatric help. Because after that shit last night, i needed to know where his head was. I scheduled an emergency session with a close friend of mine, she was both a therapist and psychologist, i figured she could help. Her name was Halle Berry, she was one of New York finest. 

I left Tony with her and told her to call me once the session was over. Tony said it was okay for her to discuss things with me. After leaving from there, i headed straight to the studio. Jay and I have been fighting too much lately and this is not like us. Things have gotten so crazy, that i just need to step in and fix them because us beignet each other's throats and not helping. 

I pulled up to the studio moments later. It had gotten a little more colder since this morning, and my little boots were not enough to keep me warm. I rushed to the door almost knocking these 2 huge guys over, when my tiny self. But I'm glad getting inside was a lot warmer then being outside.

***(MEANWHILE BACK WITH JAY)

...............

(Sanaa) "Mmm Shawn..." she moaned out "...Thats feels good.'

(Jay) "Shhh" he whispered "Your gonna wake B."

(Sanaa) giggles "I can't believe she feel asleep......she's missing out."

(Jay) laughs "You are silly.....now hush."

................

I was sitting in my office making a few calls. After receiving a text from Sanaa, i couldn't stop thinking about her in that night. After replaying that moment back in my head, i couldn't help but to feel guilty. I felt like i had cheated on Bey. And I would be lying if i said i didn't enjoy it. I mean Sanaa had some good puss, but she aint have Bey puss. I began to put my head down in confusion.....when i heard the door open and saw Bey standing there. Apart of me was mad but a part of me was happy to see her.

(Bey's thought's)

I didn't know what to think when i saw Jay. I didn't know how he was going to react. I was a little scared because of how he was acting earlier, but i didn't care...i just wanted to hatch things out.

(Bey) "So i take it you like her?" i started off saying, to set the mood. I didn't want to come in all angry and mad.

(Jay) "Who Karina?..." i asked feeling guilty, i honestly didn't know if she was referring to Sanaa or Karina "...Yea, shorty can sing."

(Bey) "Yea i heard her when i was just in there." i said fully extending myself to walk further in. I walked over and set my purse on his couch and made my way over the his desk where he was at.

We just stared at each, knowing we both had something to say until i finally gave in.

(Bey) "Jay look i didn't come here to fight, i just came here to talk."

(Jay) "Look i aint trying fight no more either...we need to figure out how to communicate with out getting so mad all the time."

(Bey) "I agree..." i said a i sat upon his desk.

(Jay) "So to start it off, tell me where you went yesterday..........and i promise, i promise i want get mad."

(Bey's thoughts)

I contemplated on telling Jay, how was i for sure that he wasn't going to get mad. How do that sounds telling him i was with my ex fiancé all night. He probably wouldn't even give me a chance to explain. But i trust Jay well enough to know that he's a man of his word. And if he said he wouldn't get mad, then he wouldn't get mad.

(Bey) i took a deep breath and loudly mumble "I was with Tony."

(Jay) "Tony?! What were you with him all night for?" i could his the attitude in his voice, i didn't want to keep talking to him, but the it was too late to try and lie.

(Bey) "Well he called me telling me his father had died and that he could really use somebody to talk, so i went over there to check on him."

(Jay) "So explain to me, how checking on him turned into you staying the night?" he said sitting forward at his desk.

(Bey) "I don't know Jay i just did."

I knew Jay was trying his best not to get mad, but all this questioning was driving me crazy, now i see how he felt. And i also see how things get be mislead, because although i was out all night with Tony, it wasn't anything like what Jay is thinking. Man shit was becoming complicated.

(Jay) "See it doest feel so good when the tables are turned now does it?"

(Bey) "No."

(Jay) "Right. My point exactly."

(Bey) "But can you blame me though considering the shit i been through."

(Jay) "I understand B, but you have to learn to get past things, all that shit you harboring you gonna have to learn to let it go...it's not gonna be good. If you wanna be able to have a good healthy relationship, your gonna have to."

(Bey) "I know Jay, but you gotta understand i can't be hurt like i was before with Tony....and the way i feel about you, i'll....i'll just be devastated." I was getting emotional yet another time.

(Jay) "And thats what i keep telling you B, in no way will i ever hurt you.....the only hurt that's gonna come is from me being too honest."

(Bey) "Look I'm willing to work on my shit as long as your willing to work with me."

(Jay) "I got you B....." puts his arm around Bey "...Now come one let's go see what those girls are up too."

(Bey's thoughts)

We made our way back down the hall to the studio, when i walked in i saw Sanaa sitting down on the couch. It was now later little later in the day. This time when seeing her, i didn't feel no type of way. Things were very cool and calm.

When i walked into the and saw Sanaa, i could have sworn their was gonna be some shit, but Bey surprised me.

(Sanaa) "Hey Bey.....how are you?" she said as she got up too hug me.

(Bey) "Hey Sanaa...im doing alright, how are you?"

(Sanaa) "Im doing good....just be busy busy busy." she she laughing.

(Bey) "I hear that." i said.

(Karina) "Ohh Auntie Ny Solo, wrote me a song."

(Sanaa) "Really, thats great."

(Jay) "What, just now?"

(Solo) nodes her head "Uhm-hm."

(Karina) in excitement "Yal wanna hear it?"

(Bey, Jay, and Sanaa) "Yea, sure...go ahead."

(Solo) "When it's not recorded or anything its just written down."

(Jay) "Thats fine....lets hear it."

Karina went on to sing as we stood around and listened. Bey made her way over to Solo to tell her how good the sound was so far. They were having their own private conversation across the room.

(Sanaa) "So i got ahold of my brother....he said he'll be delighted to coach So...So..whats her name again."

(Jay) chuckles "Solange, but just call her Solo for short."

(Sanaa) giggles "Alright.....but as i was saying..." she started off "...he said he'd love to work with her. He'll be in town in a couple of weeks, he has a show to do...and i was thinking that we can have both Solo and Karina be apart of it? You know maybe have Solo in the booth with TJ, and get Karina an opening act, or maybe have them do something together."

(Jay) starts to think "You know, thats doesn't sound half bad..." i said "...maybe while I'm gone you can work with Solo and Karina an help them come up with something?"

(Sanaa) "Woah i don't much when it comes to music....im just good as manager. What about Bey?"

(Jay) "Oh, well she's leaving to ATL in a couple of days, she has a movie she's shooting there."

(Sanaa) "Yea thats right.....she was telling me about that."

(Jay) "Im pretty sure you could come up with something though, you seem very creative" i said complimenting her "And if not I'm sure Solo would have something figured out." i said also throwing Solo a compliment.

(Sanaa) does a light chuckle "Thank you....but i think i'll just leave that to Solo."

By this time Karina had finished singing. Everyone started applauding her and commending her. We were are joined into the same conversation.

(Bey) "Wow that was great. I can't believe you wrote that Solo."

(Jay) "Yea Lo, im pround of you good job."

(Solo) "Thanks guys."

(Sanaa) "Yea Solo, you two might have something good together. With her singing and your talent when music and writing....i think you too would make the perfect pair."

(Bey) "Your right, both of them are extremely talented."

(Karina and Solo) smiling "thanks."

(Jay) "Alright, yal all ready to get out of here. I think we're all finished here."

(Everyone) "Yea, lets go, we can leave."

(Sanaa) "Yea and i have to get her back anyway, so she can finish up on her homework."

(Karina) "Ohh and i completely forgot."

(Sanaa) "See what i mean." she joked.

(Jay) "Aw man, thats suppose to always come first no matter what, alright?"

(Karina) smiling "okay."

(Sanaa) "Well we're gonna go ahead and get out of here, we'll see al of you later."

(Karina) to everyone "Byyyyyye."

(Solo) "Bye Kari, Bye Sanaa."

(Bey) "Bye ladies...."

(Jay) "Alright yal."

After leaving we headed back home and picked up some greek food. Its been a long day and Im hungry. All i wanna do and just sit and chill with Bey, and eat and enjoy the rest of my night. I had one more day left and i wanted to leave on a good note. All I know things with Bey have been extremely crazy, but she worth putting up with. Im know I'm the effect guy to have but I'm good guy to have.

(BEY's POV)

After today i feel i dont have anything to worry about. Jay and I were going to try to make more of an effort to communicate without turning it into an argument. As for things with Sinaa, she seems cool. I mean we were friends before the whole little incident. I juts can't let my paranoia get the best of me, so I'm not going to press the situation any more. I already have too much other things to be worry about, and my main priority is making sure things stay good between Jay and I.

Thanks for reading, be sure to leave a comment. I hope yal enjoyed it. Tell me yal thoughts and what yal think, what are yal predictions and what not. Be sure to leave a name....Thanks again, I love you guys. -xo muah!! =)