Chp 37 Where it All Began

RE-CAP: Bey tells Jay that she's not ready to get married. Bey's now in Atlanta and her and Jay still aren't speaking. Meanwhile Bey senses things have changed about Kelly's and she's not feeling Reggie. Bey gets a new HOT acting coach, and things begin to get a little interesting.

(Chapter Mood Introduction)
It's been a little over 2 months now and Jay and I still haven't worked things out. We tried speaking to each other a few times, but all that has lead to was more arguments. I honestly don't know how things are going to play out with Jay and I and I'm feeling very nonchalant about things. On top of that i've actually been feeling a bit good about things. I wasn't so much stressing or anything, i was just at ease with things.

..........................


I had just finished up from another class with Idris. Over the time that we've been spending together we have really gotten to know each other. We have gone from scheduled class meetings, to lunch dates, me meeting Noel, and small conversations over the phone. But it wasn't so much that i was feeling him, i mean i did think he was attractive and all, but things between us remained very on the line and friendly. And besides and Jay and I do work things out, i wouldn't wanna mess things up.

I went back to my hotel room, preparing myself to laid down and chill, but i couldnt even get a chance to because my body started experiencing excruciating pain. I laid myself, upon the couch as i held on too my stomach. All i could think about is what the heck did i eat for me to be feeling like this. The pain got so unbearable that i felt like i had to go to the doctor. I reached for my phone to call Jay, but forgot i was mad at him and he was somewhere in another country, then i thought to call Julius but i had just sent him home, and then i thought about Idris. I had just left from seeing him and i knew he wasn't going to be busy but on top of all things i needed to get to the hospital.

I picked up my phone and dialed his number, I just simply told him that I needed his help with something and if he could come get me and with out a doubt he came. When he got their i explained to him what was going on and from there he took me to a near by  hospital. When we got there the pain had calmed down, I had went on to sign in, and waited a few minutes before the doctor came to get me. 

When went back into another small white room, and i could think was God how many times have i see and been in one of these. The Doctor came in and asked me all the typical  questions  and then pulled my medical history and saw that i had came in before for the similar thing. I was laid out on the table in my hospital gown, with Idris standing right by my side, waiting nervously for what the doctor was about to tell me, but somehow i knew.

(Dr. Segram) "Well Ms. Knowles..." she began "I could see that you are quite acquainted with the hospital.." she said jokingly.

(Bey) chuckling "Yea, i am..." i said with no offense to it.

(Dr. Segram) smiles "Well as usual everything is normal, your blood, your vitals signs, is all good..."

(Bey) "I think i hear a but coming..." i said.

(Dr. Segram) "Right you are..." she said " ...BUT it appears you were experiencing abdominal pain...which is caused from bad cramping from either constipation, blatter infection, or pregnancy.."

(Bey) "So which one is it..." i asked, but i already knew the answer.

(Dr. Segram) "Your pregnant...." she just flat out said.

When she said it, i wasn't even surprised nor was i disappointed. I was actually happy. I felt like god was blessing me with another chance to have a baby. Although the first time around i wasn't to sure on which way i wanted to go, this time around i knew i was going to keep it, and thats if Jay was going to be in the picture or not.

(Bey) "So how far am I?" i asked eager to know.

(Dr. Segram) "Well we can run an ultrasound and figure that all out right now..." she said as she prepared for one and so did I.

(Idris) "If you want i can leave..." he said being polite and respectable.

(Bey) "No, if you don't mind i want you too stay."

(Idris) looks back at me "Okay."

After getting the ultrasound i found that i was 14 weeks, which was a 3 1/2 months. I had forgot all about me withdrawing from using birth control. Since losing my first child i felt i should so that i could be better protected from having one. Then i thought that if it was going to happen, then i should just let it happen and so i did.

                  Damn how in the fuck didn't i catch on to knowing i was pregnant. As a woman i      
              should know my body. I guess i been so distracted with so many other things that   
             i was barely paying attention with myself. And it's even more weird because i was    
            expecting my belly to be all the way out there. Anywho I cant believe this, i also 
           wonder how is Jay going to feel about it.


After leaving from the hospital, Idris drove me home and made sure i made it to my suite. Once he had left i went and laid down on the bed, contemplating, trying to get my head together. I wanted so badly to share the news with Jay, but i didn't want to have to argue with him. After putting aside my ego i decided to go on and call him.....


***(PHONE CONVO)

(Jay) "Hello..." he said very dryly.

(Bey) "Hey...." i said with a bit of nervousness in my voice.

(Jay) "So whats up?"

(Bey) "Well damn, no how are you, or how was your day?"

(Jay) deep sigh "How was your day?" he asked with an attitude.

(Bey) rolls her eyes "Anywho..."  i said ignoring his attitude  "...It was cool, until i had to go to the doctor."

(Jay) "The DOCTOR, what for?" he tone became more concerning, but he was still trying to maintain his attitude.

(Bey) "Well...i was have real bad body pains so i went ahead to get checked out...and well....." i said becoming a little timid to tell him.

(Jay) "Well what?" he attitude had came back.

(Bey) "Well....Im pregnant." i finally said.

(Jay) "Pregnant..." he said, making sure he was hearing me right.

(Bey) "Yes pregnant, check your phone i just sent you pics of the ultrasound."

It got quiet for a minute, so i guess he was checking his phone. 

(Jay) "Well goooot damn...." he didn't seem like he was neither happy nor mad.

(Bey) "Sooo how are you feeling? Like whats going through your head right now."

(Jay) "I...I..well im speechless thats for sure...i don't even know what to say?"

(Bey) "Well do you want to keep it?" i asked curious to know.

(Jay) "Of course i want to keep, what type of person you think i am." he said getting all defensive.

(Bey) "Well you don't gotta get upset about it, i was just trying to see..."

(Jay) "Im sorry, but i just want you to know that i do want to keep it."

(Bey) "Well alright...."

(Jay) "So where does that leave us?"

(Bey) "Well i still want us to work things out, but I'm still not ready to be engaged yet....Im not ready for that type of commitment yet."

(Jay) "OH MY FUCKING GOD, how can you honestly say that, when your carrying MY CHILD."

(Bey) "Thats because there's a difference between being a WIFE and a MOTHER .....SHAWN." i said getting annoyed.

(Jay) "You know what B, BYE....cuz I'm am not about to argue...IM TIRED of arguing about the SAME OL SHIT!!!"

(BEY) "WELL BYE THEN.......FUCK!!!!" i said then hung up.

I sat there mad as hell. I couldn't even cry. I cried too much and too long for me to cry now. I was slowly and slowly losing my patience with this relationship between Jay and I and being pregnant i do not need this.


***(MEANWHILE WITH JAY)
After getting off the phone with B, i made my way back over to the table. I was having lunch at one of the Asian restaurants, i had just came from rehearsal and i decided to go out. I had Shelly with me. She's my new assistant. I hired her a couple months ago, because i need some extra help while I'm on tour. She was also a good friend to as well...she was always there when i needed to discuss things about Me and Bey, and she's always gave me a woman's perspective on it.

(Shelly) "Is everything okay..."she asked as i made my way back to the table.

(Jay) "Yea...its all good...." i said as i set down.

(Shelly) "Are you sure..." she said reaching out to grab my hand "...you seem a little tense."

(Jay) "Well really I'm just a bit upset....i just had another fight with me, she goes from telling me she's pregnant to telling me..she's still not ready to be engage, like what type of shit is that."

(Shelly) "Shawn calm down...and why are you getting so upset. Your acting as though she's saying she doesn't want to be with you....why can't you just see it from her point of view."

(Jay) "Thats cuz i dont understand it.....if you know you wanna be with me, then why don't she just accepts the engagement..."

(Shelly) "Thats because marriage is a very extreme point in a relationship...and considering all that she's been through, i don't blame her."

(Jay) "Oh so you now your on her side."

(Shelly) starts giggling "No, I'm not on anybody's side. I just want you too see how she's feeling, so that yal could maybe work things out, thats all."

(Jay) "Well we'll be able to work things out once she re-accpepts my proposal."

(Shelly) "You are so stubborn..." she said laughing "How about this then.....lets go out, have some fun, to take you mind off things...then in the morning once you simmer down you call up Beyoncé and make amends...Im telling you...you'll thank me in the end."

As much as i really didn't want to go out, Shelly was right. But how come when she says it, i take  it in better. B, knows i love her, which is why she got me acting so damn crazy all the time. I do wanna be with her, and of having hold off on the engagement is the way to be with her so be it. I'll just have to put it aside.

(Jay) "Alright, i'll go only on one condition."

(Shelly) "And whats that?"

(Jay) "You be the designated driver..." i joked.

(Shelly) "Well i guess where just gonna have to call for a car because I'm plan on getting my drink on too..." she joked back.

After that Shelly and I headed back to the hotel. She went off to get ready and i went off to get ready. I swear because of Shelly we didn't leave til about to 4 hrs later. Before officially leaving out though, Shelly and I went down to the bar of the hotel and had few drinks there, while we waited for the car. Once the car got there we left and headed out to the club. We went to a nice little chilled night club called the BONG, little did i know it was a hooka bar as well. 

Shelly and I got us a private area, when out own table. On each table that had hooka's. Shelly and I loaded up our hooka with the choices we wanted, ordered up hell of drinks and had us a good ol time. I wasn't even thinking about B and our fight anymore i was just worrying about having a good time. Then things started getting crazy when Shelly and I hit the dance for. I didn't even want to dance, but Shelly heard a song that she liked and insisted that i come dance with her so she woudlnt be the only one looking foolish.

When we got out on the dance floor, Shelly and i was dancing kind of close, and was one of those smooth upbeat type of songs, so the pace was very steady. The vibe with Shelly was so right, it was like she was giving me all that i have been missing these past months, next thing i know all the liquor and all my emotions started kicking in and me and Shelly was tonguing each other down on the dance floor. Before i knew it, we had grabbed our things and headed to the door. The whole car ride to the hotel consisted of me and Shelly making out all over the back seat.

When we got to the hotel, Shelly and I ended up going back to my room. There we sat around for a minute, just staring at each other, until Shelly got up and approached me. I was sitting on the couch with my head tilted back against the couch. I watched as she stood in front undressing herself. In my heart i was feeling a whole lot of resentment, but my mind was saying yes, and my dick was saying hell yea. Then temptation came over me and before i knew it, i had Shelly laid out on the couch an we began to go at it.


***(Bey POV)
The next morning I had met up wit Idris to have breakfast. He brought Noel along with him. He and i were just having a normal friendly breakfast. Jay was on my mind super heavy. I couldn't stop thinking about him. I wish he could just understand where I'm coming from. But enough of that, let me just enjoy my day.

(Idris) "What a nice way to start your day off huh?"

(Bey) "Yes. This is perfect. I can't believe we're almost done with filming."

(Idris) "I know, you've come along way..." he said referring to him coaching me.

(Bey) "It feels like i have too."

(Idris) "So how was your night last night? Did you sleep good?" he said feeding Noel.

(Bey) "Yes and No.." sighs "Jay and i got into it again."

(Idris) he didn't seem surprised when i told him "What, he's not happy about the baby?"

(Bey) "No he's actually happy, it's just...well the whole proposal thing."

(Idris) "Okay...tell me this...it's clear that you want to be with him, so why is is that you don't?"

(Bey) "Well last see....it just i don't want to be hurt again...before Jay i was with this guy for 10 years...and the things i went through with him....i just can't go through again....and now i feel like things are just repeating themselves..."

(Idris) "But thats the best part about love and being in a relationship, you have to take chances and you can't be afraid to risk things."

(Bey) "I know that but...im tired of being insecure and always holding back....but i can't help it. And the thing that scares me the most is the fear of being locked down."

(Idris) "But the guy wants to marry you, he must really care about you for things to get so extreme.....normally guys are more so pressured into proposal, it's not often they do it on their own."

(Bey) "Your right, but i don't want to talk about it, so lets just change the subject. I wanna have a good day." i demanded.

(Idris) "Okay thats fine...." starts talking to Noel "Is that good buddy...you like that?" he said still feeding him.

(Bey) "Aww, he is just too cute.....HI Noel.....HI!" i said beginning to play with him.

And Idris and I spent the rest of the morning together, taking Noel here and there, and just enjoying each other's company. He was really cool to have around. 



***(Jay's POV)
It the next morning. A very early morning. I was sitting out on the balcony thinking about B, and how i was gonna tell her what the hell happened between me and Shelly. At this point i knew i then let my emotions get the best of me. And it's gonna hurt B like hell when she finds out, especially if it's not from me.

My thoughts became interrupted to the sound of heels clicking against the ground. I turned around and to no surprise it was Shelly. I couldn't believe i got myself into this. I couldn't believe i let allowed her to stay the night. I real don't wanna hurt any one's feelings, but i aint trying have no mess. I don't screw things up.

(Shelly) "I just came out here to tell you I'm about to head out..."  she said standing a few feet away from me. And all i could do is think about how good she looked in and out of that dress.  "So I'll see you later....." she said pretty much asking.

(Jay) hesitates for a min "......uh yea." i said scratching my head, after having to think.

And with that said she gave me a wink, and a sweet soft kiss on the lips, and headed out the door. And all i could think was damn, i fucked up.



***(MEANWHILE BACK WITH BEY)
After spending a wonderful morning with Idris it was time for me to go back to my suite. I honestly I was enjoying my time with him, but the whole while i was with him, i couldn't stop thinking about Jay. I hated so bad the way things gotten between us. And as much as i tried to avoid, dealing with things, i wish i should of just did so. But i'll be home in couple weeks so maybe then we can do so.

After getting situated i sat in bed, snacking on some fruits; grapes and strawberries, and just laid there thinking about things. After a while i decided to call Solo and she what she was up too, but she didn't answer, she must have been in the studio. Then i decided to call Jay. Although i was a little skeptical about calling him...i just knew i needed too.

***(PHONE CONVO)

(JAY) "Hello."

(BEY) "Hey" 

(JAY) "How are you feeling..." he said, trying to be all nice and cool.

(BEY) "I'm feeling alright, just tired as always."

(JAY) "oh alright..." he said getting quiet for a min, i could something was up with him.

(BEY) "Jay, are you okay?"

(JAY) "Yea, yea, yea...im good, I'm just...uhhh.....i just don't know how much more i can put up with this." he finally said.

(BEY) "What do you mean?" i said a little confused.

(JAY) "Im just saying B, i need us together again, i need to be back with you, Im sorry for reacting the way i did about you not be ready to get married, i should have been more understanding."

Jay apologizing out the blue really through me off, just last night he was all about to have world war 3 because i told him i still wasn't ready, now today's he's okay with it. I know Jay and when he's really passionate for something, he's not so quick to turn around. But i just accepted it, to reduce the stress.

(BEY) "Okay Jay, you're right....and i feel the same exact way. I'll be back in a couple of weeks, so we can figure out everything there, starting with how we are going to announce the pregnancy."

(JAY) "Ok, Ok...thats sounds cool..."  he said sounding in a bit of a .but let me call you back later and we can talk about it some more."



(Bey) "Ok. Love y---"

Damn Jay hung up before i could even say I love you....thats extremely odd. Not to mention the noises I heard in the background, but i couldn't quite make things out. I don't want to jump to conclusions being that we are trying to work things out, but i just don't know, something aint adding up.