Chp 36 Where it All Began

RE-CAP: Jay comes home and he and Bey have some banging sex. They also discuss taking in Sinaa and Karina until she finds a place. Meanwhile Mama Tina found out Mathew was cheating with Victoria, Kelly gets a new dude, and Jay proposes to Bey.

(Chapter Mood Introduction)
Since Jay proposed i have been doing a whole lot of gloating. I couldn't wait to get started on  wedding planning. Meanwhile Sinaa and Karina has officially moved in. Its been a few days since the whole party. I was still feeling horrible about what my mom had told me. I was so disgusted by my fathers actions, i wouldn't even care if we never speak again. I had a hard time holding this in and on top of that i've been feeling sick. I was also having feelings of Deja Vu and paranoia. I don't want to have to go throughout what i went through with Tony, with Jay. I couldn't even bare to take that on. I was trying so hard to restrain my emotions and not let them get the best of me, but yal know i got a history with that.


...............................



I was just laying in bed after just having sex with Jay. I watched him as he danced across the room to the bathroom as i laid curled under the sheets in bed. I don't think ever been so in love with a man. Jay had me and he had me good. I don't think i could ever let him go.   I laid in bed, deep in my thoughts until Jay had finished showering. I would have just took one with him, but he gave me an after shock after that last one. I had to relax. But boy did i find a burst of energy when i seen him waltz back into the room, with his towel wrapped around him and his body was all glistening.


(Jay) smirks at Bey "What you looking at?"

(Bey) "What you think I'm looking at?" i said all flirtatious.

(Jay) chuckles and mumbles " Ch. Girl...."

(Bey) "Oh you think I'm funny..." i teased as i began to sit up, letting the sheet drop to revel my body.

(Jay) stops what he is doing and stares at Bey with a grin on his face.

I seductively signaled Jay to come over to me with my finger. My body leaked as he moved closer and closer towards me. Every time he moved i felt like jumping on him and when he got close i did, pulling him down to the bed.  I climbed on top of him kissing on him and unraveling his towel. First i went down, and gave him a little sample then i made my way on top. I rode Jay from every which way, from the front to back, to the side, then from up to down and all around. I aint never here Jay call out the way he was doing. I must have really been putting it on him.

Once that was over i finished him off with the same way are started. Then laid out next to him on the bed. I looked up at him, as he sat there panting trying to catch his breath. I watched as the sweat dripped from his face.

(Jay) "Damn girl, when did you learn to become so aggressive." he managed to get out.

(Bey) "Thats cuz you bring it out of me baby..." i said as i kissed him on the cheek and made my out of bed and to the bathroom.

I ran the shower as i picked me out something to wear. I don't know why, but i felt today was going to be a good day. I was gonna chill with my girls today. After searching for something to wear, i then made my way to the shower, only to find that Jay had slipped in there. If he thought we were about to go for another round he thought wrong, i had my fun with him, i was ready to start my day. I moved to the other side of the shower to use the other shower head, to be away from him.

(Jay) "What you think ima get you or something?" he said to me.

(Bey) "Maybe...."

(Jay) chuckles "Na, i had enough with that last one, I'm just about to shower and go about my day."

(Bey) giggles "Yea me too."

Jay had got out the shower a few minutes before me. I stayed in a little longer. When i got out Jay was long gone, and so was everyone else. After getting dressed i went and met up with Kelly. We had us a little Spa day getting our hair, nails, and all that good stuff. We decided to end it with a nice meal. Things were good with between us, things were almost like normal. But i could sense something was different about Kelly but i couldnt quite put my finger on it.

We had already ordered and was just waiting for our food. I noticed Kelly was more alert and aware of things. She was constantly checking her watch and her phone. I was trying my hardest not to say anything, but i just had too.

(Bey) "Girl, you been checking that watch and your phone all day.....what you checking for?" i said kind of sarcastically.

(Kelly) "Huh, oh nothing..." she said as if she didn't hear what i said.

I just gave her a look and for a minute it got quiet.

(Kelly) "So your getting married.......again?" she said trying to cover up the situation, but i i just went along with it.

(Bey) "Yesss i know, but i this time around it's the real deal."

(Kelly) "I'm so happy for you BB....i am really am..." she said as she began to cry with tears of joy.

(Bey) "You better not start crying..." i said "...your gonna make me crrrrrrrry." then i began to cry. The both of us set at the table crying for a minute, until the waiter came and interrupted us, so we straightened up.

(Bey and Kelly) both laughing.

(Kelly) laughing "Look at us..." she said as she wiped her tears.

I pulled out my mirror to fix my mascara that had begin to run.

(Bey) "Right! Im so embarrassed." i said as i fixed myself.

Kelly dug into her food, as did i,  once i was together. We did a lot of talking and reminiscing. She didn't talk too much about Reggie though, so i figured i would ask.

(Bey) "So Reggie's the guy, huh?"

(Kelly) submissively says "Yeeeeah."

(Bey) "So where'd you meet him?"

(Kelly) "He came out to one of my shows...."

(Bey) "Oh well does he rap, sing, play any sports..."

(Kelly) "Nope, he's an entrepreneur he's does his own little thing?"

(Bey) "And by things you mean slang?"

(Kelly) "Yea and so that's how Jay started off..." she said becoming a bit defensive. I brushed it off and let it slide, i wasn't trying to argue with her.

(Bey) "I wasn't saying it like that Kel, and yes Jay did at one point in time do that, but im not one to judge anybody."   i said and she became a little calmer.

(Kelly) "I know and I'm sorry, i didn't mean to get all defensive."

(Bey) "It's okay..." i said letting her know i was cool "...I just wanna know that you are happy, thats all...i don't wanna see you hurt."

(Kelly) "I know Bey, i know. But i really am happy, he's a good man."

(Bey) "Well i'll take your word for it."

RING RING RING, KELLY'S PHONE WENT OFF.

Before i knew it, Kelly was packing up her things and was heading off, telling me she had to go and she would see me later. I set their puzzled and confused. I never known Kelly to just excuse herself away like that. I called for a waiter to pick up the check then after that i headed on home. It was only about 3 or 4, the day was still early.

When i made it back, Jay was still gone and Sinaa was back at the house, Solo and Karina were at the studio. I made my way into the house kicking off my heels and dropping my purse, leaving them at the front door. I walked further in the house and saw Sinaa sitting on the couch drinking a glass of wine. She must have heard me when i came in, because she sort of jumped when i walked in the living room.

(Sinaa) deep sigh "Whew, you scared me..." she said as she sat her wine on the table. 

I walked over to the couch and made my way over towards her and sat down. I never really been alone Sinaa, it was a little weird.

(Sinaa) starts scooting over "I hope you don't mind..." she said referring to the wine "...i ju--"

(Bey) "Oh girl its fine..." i said going to sit down "...your welcomed to what ever, are you okay..." i asked, she was looking a little down.

(Sinaa) "Yea, why do you ask?" but i knew she was lying.

(Bey) "Because.....you seem a little....down?" 

(Sinaa) "It's nothing....just some stuff with the divorce thing thats all."

(Bey) "Well do you want to talk about it...." i asked.

(Sinaa) "Well..." she began ".... its just since i filed for divorce, Michael went and got all my accounts froze so now I have no access to my money, and now I'm have to figure out how I'm gonna pay Karina's tuition for the summer semester...." she said rambling on....i could tell she's been holding this in for a while.

(Bey) "Okay, well first thing honey you can do is breathe and take  a sip of this..." i said handing her, her glass of wine. "And then where going to deal with this issue."

(Sinaa) breathes and takes a sip of wine "I just don't know what to do....i have given this man everything i have...i mean like more does he want from me." her voice began to crack as she started crying. I handed her some kleenex that was on the table, so that she could wipe her eyes.

At this moment i really started feeling for Sinaa. I began thinking a lot about my mom and her situation, and everything i've been through, it was taking so much in me not to cry too.

(Bey) clears her throat "Look Jay and I will take care of Karina's tuition this semester and in the mean time, you and i will figure out how to get your accounts unfroze, and as for now I'm gonna pour me up a drink...and you and i are going to have us a little girls night."

I could see a complete change of emotion with Sinaa, it was like she suddenly became lifted. I was happy i was able to make her feel better. We as woman have to stick together in a matter of dealing with men or in any situation. It really had me thinking about things and yal know how i can get when i start thinking.

                    
                   (Sinaa's Thought)
                   Beyoncé is such a good person. I appreciate her so much for taking me in and just
                   being so helpful. I never really had friends or people in my life to really do too          
                   much for me. I always just had myself. And having Karina in my life makes me       
                   wanna give her the life i never had. 



Sinaa and I spent the rest of the evening talking and really getting to know each other. I could never imagine going through all the things she's been through. I have so much more respect for her then i did before. I also find it funny that she's older then me, i kind of feel like we have a big sister little sister type of relationship. Sinaa was such a beautiful woman and she has such an amazing personality. Although we come from different lifestyles, we both share things in common.

After chopping it up with Sinaa, she went off and left to pick up the girls from the studio. Meanwhile i was at home, catching a buzz, and getting deep into my thoughts. I was beginning to have doubts, and second thoughts on things. It seem like things was moving to fast. And i was just seeing that for the first time. All i knew at that moment was, Jay and I needed to talk.

By the time Jay got home, i was back upstairs sitting in bed, sobering up. The minute i saw him come in the room, my heart damn near skipped a beat. I know Jay is not going to be happy with what it is I'm about to tell him, but this was something that needed to be discussed. I grew nervous as i watched him settle in from just coming in the house. We haven't even greeted each other yet. I could see that he's been drinking as well. I began to think, this can either go two ways: really good or really bad.

(Bey) "Hey baby..." i said as he began to come towards the bed. I was just being as normal as possible.

(Jay) "Whats up...." he said as he crawled in the bed, giving me a kiss.

(Bey) "How was your day?" i asked sitting up.

(Jay) "It was good.." he said with exhaustion "Yours?" he said laying down across the bed.

(Bey) "It was well..." i replied, then came that moment of unknown silence.

(Bey) "Jay...." i said getting his attention. I didn't know rather he had dosed off or not.

(Jay) "Yea..."

(Bey) "I need to talk to you about something..." i said becoming a bit anxious and scared.

(Jay) "About?" 

(Bey) "Us..." i said with hesitation. Jay began to sit up and things became more serious.

(Jay) "What about us?" he asked in a sharp tone.

(Bey) "Look Jay..." i said trying to be as sincere and sweet as possible "You know how much i love you and you know that no matter what i'll always be there for you..." it became  harder for me to talk, looking at Jays face expressions.

(Jay) "But?!"

(Bey) deep sigh "I'm not ready to get married just yet..."

For a minute he didn't say anything, neither one of us did. Those words must have finally sunk in because next thing you know "....What do you mean you don't wanna get married?" he replied.

This was totally going bad.

(Bey) "It's not that i don't want to get married, i just not ready now."

(Jay) "Whats so different now then from a week ago?" he was becoming mad.

(Bey) "Thats because i had time to think about things. Not once did we ever talk about marriage and here you are 7 months in, asking me to marry you...and I'm just suppose to say yes."

(Jay) "Well YOUR not suppose to SAY NO." he said getting loud.

(Bey) "Look i can see your taking this the wrong way..." i said hoping i could calm things down "...And thats not what i want to happen. Im not saying that i don't want to be with you...i just feels things between us are moving to fast and we just need to slow down and figure things out before one of us gets hurts."

(Jay) "What figure out if you want to be with me or not?....It sounds to me like your insecurities are kicking back in, i thought we talked about this."

(Bey) "OMG, your not even listening, your just hearing what you wanna hear."

(Jay) "Well i sure as fuck don't wanna hear you say you don't wanna get married?"

(Bey) "See thats another thing, how can we try to work at communicating when all you do is get so defensive and shut me out, what happened to tell me anything, i want get mad."

(Jay) "BULLSHIT....you got a man ready and willing to sacrifice his life for you and you turn him down."

(Bey) "Im just saying that if i marry you i wanna make sure that it's for real and it's for good. Im not trying to get myself into a situation i can't get out of. On top of that, i've been letting personal issues interfere with my work and that's something i can't let happen, i have too much going on for all that."

(Jay) "Is that all you really care about is your self, can you not see that I'm in this with you."

(Bey) "Shawn, how can you say that after all i've sacrificed for you, after all i been through for you!"

(Jay) "Fuck my job and what i do, i got so much shit going i can retire today and still get paid...And thats exactly what i'm ready to do...im ready to settle down, and spend the rest of my life with you, but you, man Bey your priorities are all fucked up."

(Bey) "And i want that too, but just not right now. I have to establish myself, I'm still young, i have so much to do, so much i want to do, and so much i want to accomplish. You then pretty much lived out your dream and i'm just trying to live mines while i can, why can't you just understand how I'm feeling?!"

After i said that things got real quiet and extreme. At this point i didn't know how things were going to turn out between me and Jay. I sat on the end of the bed in silence, with my hand over my head. Jay was now sitting against the dresser, looking over at me. I could feel him staring, and it hurt me like hell knowing we were in a bad place.

(Bey) "Look I'm leaving for Atlanta in 2 days, to finish this film. And i think we should take advantage of this opportunity and use this time apart as some time to think and clear our heads."  i softly spoke. 

I was trying my hardest to keep from breaking down. I coudlnt even bring myself to look at him, because it would hurt too much.

(Jay) clears throat "Well if thats what you want, thats what you want..." he said putting back on his things.

(Bey) turns to look at Jay "Where are you going?" i said beginning to cry.

(Jay) "I gotta get up out of here man, i can't deal with all this right now."

(Bey) "I wish it didn't have to be like this..." i said as he began to walk away.

(Jay) "Yea, me either." he said just as he walked out the door. 

And at that moment i didn't know when things stood between Jay and I. He took everything i said the wrong way and right now i didn't have time to deal with the issue, i have to worry about the movie, my business, my album release, and all sorts of other things. As much as i need to work things out, i just need to let things simmer down that way i can take care of my business and then see how things are between Jay and I.




PART TWO
The two days have passed since being in Atlanta. I decided to leave the ring with Jay as well. Carrying it around and having it on me, was just going to trouble me some more. I also haven't spoken to Jay since that whole night. I haven't even once tried to call him nor has he tried to call me. I know things aren't over between us, we just on a break...well at least thats how i see it. I'll be sure to figure out things between he and I once i have the time, but right now i have to do whats best for me and thats look out for Bey. 

I was just leaving off the set, after a long day of shooting. I was suppose to go meet up with my acting coach to run a few lines and practice on my improv. It was already late in the day and i was tired from having to film all day. Before i had a lady working with me, but then i was assigned over to a guy. I was a little skeptical because normally when i work on things, i usually like to work with women because I'm all about female empowerment and us coming together. 

I was sitting at his office, waiting for him to come in. His secretary made it known that he was waiting on my arrival so she said i could wait in his office. I waited a good 15 mins before he finally showed up and when he did I was absolutely speechless. He was tall, dark, and handsome. A very charming man, i became excited about working with him. It was going to be fun and interesting.

(Idris) "Ms. Knowles, right?" he said just before sitting down.

(Bey) "Yes, but you can call me Beyoncé." i politely said.

(Idris) "Beyoncé? Aah..i like that..." he said "...im apologize for my tardiness, i was tied up with another client." This time when he spoke, he spoke with an accent. I didn't quite catch it the first time but i heard it this time.

(Bey) "Thank you, and it's fine...i didn't mind the wait..." i began "...Your not from the states are you?" i asked, curious to know.

(Idris) "Why do you ask?...Is it because of my accent?" he said with a chuckle.

(Bey) shakes her head smiling "Yea..."

(Idris) smiles too "No, I'm not from the states, but i am now a permanent citizen....Im actually from London."

(Bey) "Oooh i just love it there...i myself, was actually called to do some work there but in the end i refused."

(Idris) "And by work you mean...make movies?" he asked.

(Bey) "No I model, making movies is just something i picked up."

(Idris) "Oh i see..." he began "...well what else do you do?" he said seeming somewhat interested.

(Bey) "Well I'm also getting ready to start my own clothing line next year, and i have and album coming out next week." from the look on his face i could tell he seemed impressed.

(Idris) "Well what don't you do?" he said very playfully.

(Bey) giggles "Cook...." i joked but really serious. Idris burst into laughter. "Is this your son..." i asked noticing a picture on his desk.

(Idris) "Yes, thats my son...his name is Noel. He's a very sharp kid."

(Bey) "I bet he is." Then i began to look around for more pictures to see if i could see if he had a wife or something but i didn't see any, then i finally asked "Where's his mom?" and he just sort of looked at me. "Im sorry i don't mean to be rude." i said apologizing.

(Idris) "Oh no, your fine. But Noel's mom and I have been divorced for 3 years nows. She's married to some stuck up rich dude, i can't even tell you the last time she's even seen Noel."

(Bey) "Oh I'm sorry to hear that, i can't even began to imagine the thought of abandoning my child."

(Idris) "Oh you have kids?" he asked.

(Bey) "Me?.....oh no. Im just saying...."

(Idris) "Oh okay, i see.....what about married."

(Bey) "No, but i am engaged..... i mean well i was...i mean..." i wasn't sure what to say, things between Jay and I were very extreme i didnt know what is what "....It just complicated right now." i simply replied.

(Idris) "Oh no, i understand....trust me. So lets begin discussing what you and Ms. Lee was working on, so i can see where we need to start." he said changing the subject.

(Bey) "Right, right..." i said, forgetting all about why i had came.

After that Idris and I discussed how much i learned and where i stood. He was surprise to see how much growth i had as an actress. Then we went over my lines and a few of my leading scenes, then we ended it with some improv techniques. After that i headed back to my hotel, I was going to be staying in for the next 3 months, but i didn't mind though because i didn't just have any old normal hotel room. I had a suite that was set up kind of like a condo, to make you more at home rather then in a hotel. The minute i got home i ran me up some bath water and ordered me some room service. After a long day of work, i just wanted to relax and kick up my feet. And thats exactly what i did.

...................TO BE CONTINUED!!!!!!!