Chapter 12 "Where it All Began"

After leaving Shawn's, i just felt so bad. But I needed to talk to Tony. What i had to say to him was needed to be discussed face to face. The car ride from Shawn's to my place, was enough for me to really think about things. After giving it much thought, I knew i was no longer able to remain in a relationship with Tony. It was just all too much. I was so stuck on how things use to be between us, that i wanted so bad for us to get back to how things were in the past, but i realized we are no longer living in the past, i had to start thinking about the present and how things were now. I swear this has to be the hardest decision i have ever made in my life. But i know it was the right thing to do. It wasn't about how Tony was going to feel, nor how Shawn felt, or even about the baby,  it was about me and what was best for me. When i pulled up at my place, i was a little hesitant to go in. I can't believe that after all these years Tony and I've shared together that they were finally coming to an end. I just sat out in the car preparing myself for what was about to happen. I knew it was going to be a huge change in my life. But just as i was getting out the car, Solo called....


(Solo) "Okay Bey, you've been saying you were gonna come get me for the past few days now and haven't, i mean whats up with that?" she sounded mad.


(Bey) "I know Solo, I'm just been taking care of some business these last few days but i'll come tomorrow for sure.....I promise."


(Solo) sounding less mad "Okaaaay, but you better come get me tomorrow. Im for real. I haven't spent any time with you since i've been staying with you and that makes me mad."


(Bey) "I know, and I'm sorry. But like i said, i promise....i mean it, you got my word!"


(Solo) "Alright, well i love you and see you tomorrow."


(Bey) "I love you too." hangs up.


It bothered me that Solo was feeling that way. She was so happy about moving in with me and i never spent not one day with her. This whole thing with Tony and I have really taken me off my square. It was effecting not only me but the people around me. This really made me come to realize that the decision i was making what absolutely the right thing to do. I grabbed my things out the car and anxiously walked up to the door. As i opened the door to go in my heart just started racing. I've never been so nervous in all my life. Tony must have heard me when i came in because he met me in the hallway of the front door, leading into the living room. When i saw him, standing there i began to think about if i could really go through with this. But deep inside my heart, i knew i had too. I walked deeper into the house making my way into the living room, walking straight pass Tony. He must have sensed something was up because he followed right after me. I walked into the living room and saw a lit cigar and a empty bottle of  vodka sitting on the table. The only times Tony drinks like this is when he really upset about something. When i turned around, there he stood before me, i could tell he was drunk because he was staggering a bit. This was a man who i was once in love with. This was a man who i use to think was the only man for me. And now i've come to realize he's nothing like i thought he was. We stood there in silence just staring at each other. I couldn't take it much longer, i had to get it over with. I took a deep breath and uttered the words i knew was about to be the final words Tony and I would share.


(Bey) "Tony....." i said taking in a deep swallow "I can't do this anymore."


(Tony) standing there with a confused look on his face "Excuse me."

(Bey) "I said I ca--"


(Tony) taking a step closer to Bey "I heard what you said" his voice started getting louder "I just don't understand."


(Bey) "It''s nothing to understand Tony, I'm done. Im done with you, I'm done with this relationship....i just can't do it anymore."


(Tony) "That nigga must really got you tripping."


(Bey) "What?" i started catching an attitude. 


I was trying to be civilized, but with Tony you could never be.


(Tony) "You heard me!" walks over and grabs a photo of him and Bey, holding it up towards her "You mean to tell me your going to let 10 years of love, passion, an--"


(Bey) "TONY STOP IT, OKAY!..........JUST STOP" i knew what he was trying to do but it wasn't gonna work "I can't keep letting you hurt me over and over again. I'll be a fool to let it happen AGAIN."


(Tony) throws the picture and it shatters, glass is everywhere.


(Bey) jumps at the sound of the picture breaking "Tony WHAT THE FUCK is wrong with you?"


(Tony) "I LOVE YOU, THATS WHATS WRONG WITH ME."


(Bey) "Look your drunk and you are starting to act crazy and it's scary me, i just wanted to let you know how i felt and to be honest with you but it seems you can't handle it. Im leaving." stars walking away.


(Tony) runs after Bey "Baby, wait" he says grabbing on to her "Im sorry, i didn't mean it. Don't go."


(Bey) "Tony get off of me." i said trying to break away.


All of a sudden, my phone went off. After breaking away from Tony i grabbed it out my pocket and saw that it was Shawn calling,  i hurried up and picked up and tried to walk away again.


(Bey) "SHAWN.." i said in a panic.


(Shawn) "Bey, whats wrong? Are you ok---"


Tony snatches Bey's phone and throws it.


(Bey) backing up away from Tony "TONY WHAT THE HELL!?"


At this point i was scared to death, i never seen Tony act like this. He was acting all drunk and wild, it was crazy.


(Tony) "Your gonna answer the phone for that bum ass nigga in front of my face" he started walking towards bey again.


(Bey) trying to calm Tony down "Tony, look i don't want to argue okay, i jut came to talk to you thats all."


(Tony) "So you just thought you were gonna leave me with out a fight?!" he said smirking.


The look in his eyes was pure rage, like he was ready to kill. 


(Tony) "If i can't have you no one can." he said in the most intimidating tone.


When he said that, i got scared out of my mind. I instantly started thinking about my life and the sake of my baby. I quickly ran to the door to leave and just as quick as i opened it, Tony was shutting it. He grabbed me by my arm, pulling me back into the living room.


(Bey) "TONY LET ME GO, YOUR HURTING ME." i screamed.


(TONY) "NO, i just wanna talk to you."


(Bey) "TONY PLEASE JUST LET ME GO!" i yelled trying to pull away.


I stood in the living room fighting with Tony, trying to get away. Kicking him and punching him as he yanked me around. At this point i was thinking he was going to kill me. This was the worst i have ever seen Tony act. Even before when he would get drunk and act out, it would never be nothing this extreme. I begged and begged for Tony to let me go, but he just can't throwing me around, saying don't leave, don't leave. All of a sudden i heard the front door open. Kelly and Shawn came rushing in. I was so relieved, i didn't think i was ever going to make it out this house.


(Kelly) "OMG TONY STOP." Kelly yelled.


Without hesitation, Shawn rushed over tackling Tony to the floor and they began to go at it. I ran over to Kelly while Shawn and Tony went at it. Shawn was really giving it to Tony, but i couldn't bare to see them go any longer. I just wanted to get the hell up out of there.


(Bey) "Shawn stop, please. Lets just go." 


As Shawn got up from Tony, who was laying there on the floor, Kelly walked over and picked my phone up off the floor. Luckily it wasn't broke. Shawn stood there over Tony for a few moments and then walked away. He came straight over to me, grabbed me by my hand and we walked out with Kelly following behind. Since Kelly and Shawn rode together, i gave my keys to Kelly and told her to take my car so that she could go home because i was going back to Shawn's place. I told her I would talk with her tomorrow, being that i wasn't in the mood and she understood. After saying goodbye to Kelly, Shawn and I rode back to his place.


(Shawn) "Are you going to be okay, do you need to go to the hospital or anything?" he asked all concerned. 


(Bey) "No I'm fine, lets just go straight to your place." i said in a low whimpering voice.


(Shawn) "Are you sure?"


(Bey) "Yes, I'm sure!" i said with a bit of aggression. 


After saying that, Shawn just stared at me. I know he was just trying to look out for me, but i was already dealing with enough from having gone through that big fight with Antonio, that i just didn't feel like going to the hospital and having to go through all that mess. It wasn't long until we reached Shawn's place, i didn't even wait for him to open up my car door, i just got out and walked up to the door and waited for him to come open it. When we got inside, i headed straight to the bathroom and instantly started throwing up. I was so overwhelmed by the whole situation that it caused me to instantly get sick. I stayed int he bathroom for about 45 mins. I kept hearing Shawn's footsteps outside the bathroom. I knew he wanted to check on me just as much as he wanted to give me my space. So he did it quietly. I admired him for that. The last thing i needed was him all up in my hear, telling me this and saying that. After cleaning myself up, i walked out into the living where i saw Shawn sitting down on the couch. He seemed a little bothered.

(Bey) standing against the wall "Shawn......" i said, calling his name to get his attention.

(Shawn) just turns and stares at Bey.

(Bey) "Whats the matter? You seem bothered?"

(Shawn) "Nothing,....im cool." he said lying and i could tell he was.

(Bey) walks over and sits by him "No your not, i could your lying."

(Shawn) looking at Bey "Why did you go over there?"

(Bey) "I had too. I needed to let him know that he and i were done."

(Shawn) "I wish you would of had me with you." he sounded a little upset, but not so much at me.

(Bey) "Are you mad at me?" i asked.

(Shawn) "Why would i be mad at you, if anything I'm mad that you had to go through all of that."

When he said that, i kind of got quiet. It felt good to know that Shawn wanted to protect me. It let me know that i could feel safe around him.

(Bey) "I had no idea it was going to turn out like that...i mean i wo--"

(Shawn) "It's not your fault so don't even trip, I'm just glad you are okay and nothing more was done to you."

(Bey) smiling

(Shawn) "Look here Beyonce, i don't want you to ever have to deal with Tony again, i know it's going to be hard with him being the father of the baby and all, but after tonight i don't think it's wise for him to be around you, let alone raise a baby."

(Bey's thoughts) Shawn was right. After tonight, i had to think about the safety of myself and my baby. But come to think of it, i don't think i even want to have this baby anymore. Maybe if things between Tony and I ended a lot more calmer, but they didn't. After tonight, i don't want anything else to do with Tony starting with this ring, that car, and even this baby. I just want to erase any memory of him, i could possibly ever have. My mind is full of regrets, starting with the day Tony and i met.

(Bey) "Your right Shawn, and i don't want anything to do with him, not even this baby."

(Shawn) looking confused "What are you saying?"

(Bey) takes a deep breath "Im saying, i want to get an abortion."

(Shawn) "What? No Beyonce, you can't do that."

(Bey) shocked to hear Shawn say that ''And why not?''

(Shawn) "Because the life of that baby has nothing to do with Tony, although he is the reason for you even being pregnant, it's not his/her fau--"

(Bey) "Look i understand all that you are saying but it's my decision, not anyone else's."

(Shawn) "All I'm saying Bey is that i don't want you to look back and have regrets because you should have made a different decision."

(Bey) "Too late, i already do."

(Shawn) "Well if yo--"

(Bey) "Look I'm tired, i've had a long day. I really don't want to discuss it anymore. All i wanna do is shower and go to sleep."

(Shawn) "Okay then, thats fine. But all I'm saying is though Beyonce, just think about it.....okay."

(Bey) "Okay."

After talking with Shawn, Bey went off to shower and get ready for bed. While Shawn just sat there on the couch, pondering on his thoughts.

(Shawn's thoughts) I must admit, i was kind of happy when Bey said she wanted to get an abortion. But as much as i would want her too, i couldnt let her have that on her conscious. She's angry and upset right now, so her mind is all over the place. I care about her to much to sit back and watch her tear apart. I only want whats best for her. I'll give her a couple of days, once she's simmered down before addressing the issue again to see if that truly is where her decision stands. I mean i support her and what ever decision she makes, i just want her to make the right choice for herself.