Chapter 5 "Where it All Began"

When I got home that night of the listening party, Tony wasn't there. Although i was hoping he would be gone, just to avoid arguing, I still wanted to let him know my decision for taking some time apart. So i left him a note.


(Note to Tony)


Tony,
I know things between us lately have been a bit crazy and I'm not even sure where to begin. I have a lot I'm dealing with right now and i feel it's best that we take some time apart. Im not breaking up with you, I'm just taking some time to myself to get my head on straight. I do still love you and I always will. Im also postponing the wedding until things are sorted out. Don't bother trying to contact me or find me because you want have any luck. I'll give you a call soon.
                                                                                                  -Bey


As for Solo i told her i was going on a business trip and that she would have to stay with Michelle until I got back. I know she was going to be mad about staying with Michelle, but Kelly and Angie were still gone and i couldn't let her know what was going on between Tony and I, nor Michelle. I would of sent her to my mom's but I'm still not speaking with her and she would have been asking a lot of questions. I couldn't let anyone know about my break from Tony, will not until i was for sure of how things would turn out between us. I been staying at Kelly's house since then. It's been about 3 days. It was easier because i already had the keys to her place and I didn't want to stay at a hotel and deal with people and the press. Kelly was still away, but she was coming home today. I was excited because i missed my girl and i would finally have someone to talk to and help me through my situation. On top of all the other things i've been dealing with, the fact that my period hasn't came yet has caused me to become more stressed. I was only a day late, but I wasn't really tripping on it. I figured my body was just going through changes. But my period is pretty accurate and on time, so by it not coming i became worried. My appetite has even picked up more and I had gained some weight. I was trying to calculate the last couple of times i have had sex which was the morning of my birthday which was about a month ago and then when Tony came home, which was almost 2 weeks after that. I was trying not to think about things as much because i know how i can get. I was in the kitchen cooking me something to eat, knowing I'm not the best cook. I could have ordered up something but i couldn't think of anything that i would have a taste for, that i could have ordered. In the midst of me cooking, Kelly came home and i couldn't have been more happier. I was standing at the stove when she walked in, I heard her calling out my name so i called for her to come in the kitchen.

(Kelly) "OH GOD, your cooking?....Shall i call the fire department now or later?'' she joked coming into the kitchen.


(Bey) "Well Hi too you too." 


(Kelly) still laughing "Aw I'm sorry pookie.......How ya been, I missed you!" she said hugging me.


(Bey) stirring the food in the pan "Ugh don't even ask, but i missed you too. How was your flight?" 


(Kelly) "It was cool, i slept most of the way" looking at my food, making a weird face "Uhm Bey......what is that?" she asked pointing at my food.


(Bey) "Well i was trying to make fried pickles with some cheese fries."


(Kelly) "What type of combination is that?"


(Bey) "I don't know, i never tried it. It was just something i had a taste for."


(Kelly) "Only pregnant people eat shit like that."she joked.


(Bey) "Why you joking, i just might actually be pregnant." by this time i became serious.


(Kelly) a little shocked "Are you for real?"


(Bey) "Yea but I'm not for sure, but it sure seem like I'm am. Im a give it to the end of this week and if i don't come on then, then i know for sure i am."


(Kelly) "Oh wow......" still sounding shocked "so have you told Tony?"


(Bey) turning off the stove "No, not yet. I want to wait until i know for sure."


(Kelly) "Oh okay, well how have things with you and Shawn been?"


I gave Kelly the whole run down about everything that I haven't been filling her in on since she's been gone. I told her about the arguments between Tony and I and how he's been leaving in and out. I even told her that i postponed the wedding. I also told her about how close Shawn and I became and when we kissed. She couldn't believe it, she was shocked when i told her that i had postponed the wedding but was even more shocked when i told her Shawn and I had kissed. By this time, i had finished cooking and Kelly and I were just sitting on the couch talking while i was eating my food.


(Kelly) "Gosh Bey, you got your hands full. But you know I'm here for. What ever decision you make and whatever you decide i support you 100%." 


(Bey) "Thanks Kel, I'm so happy your back. I swear i was getting closer and closer to the edge." i said trying make a little humor out of how i've been feeling.


(Kelly) "You are silly" she said laughing "and Im glad to be back so i can kick it with my girl."


(Bey) "Oh now you wanna kick it, but that night we went to Shawn's studio you were all.....you act like you aint gonna see me no more." i said trying to mock her.


(Kelly) "I do not sound like that" she said laughing


(Bey) "If i didn't know any better i would say you wanted me to go out with Shawn that night anyway."


(Kelly) "But you ended up going anyway, now didn't?" she said teasing me.


(Bey) "Shut up" i said punching her in the arm.


(Kelly) rubbing her arm, getting off the couch "Ow, now you know your heavy handed."


(Bey) "Thats what you get." i said laughing


(Kelly) "Anywho, Angie asked if you an I wanted to go out to dinner with her later.....you wanna go?"


(Bey) getting up to take her dishes in the kitchen "uuuuuuuh i don't know, I'm not really in the mood for going out."


(Kelly) following bey in the kitchen "Why not, it would help you take your mind off things instead of sitting around here all day."


(Bey) thinking "Yea your right, okay.....i'll go."


(Kelly) "Alright, cool. Well ima go up and take a shower, then take  a little nap. That flight got me exhausted." 


(Bey) "Okay. Ima go watch some tv."


**(Tony's and Bey's place)


(Tony's thought's) It's been 3 whole days since i've seen and talked to Beyonce. Have things gotten that bad where she really needs to takes a break? I know I've been hard on her lately about Shawn, but the way she acts around him and them constantly talking and texting is what's driving me crazy. I know i've did my dirt in the past but i feel it's starting to catch up with me. If Bey finds out the real reason i went to Iowa, I know for sure we are done for and as much as i want to tell her I just can't. Here we are, almost a month away from getting married and I still haven't told her that i have a son. Damn i wish i wouldn't have had cheated with that girl back in high school because look where it got me. Ima give Bey her space but the minute she calls, I'm going to have to let her know we need to talk. Im tired of all the secrets and lies. I love that girl with all my heart and i can't stand to see us apart.


**(Back at Kelly's place)


Kelly and I were getting ready so we could go meet up with Angie, when my mom called. I was shocked to see that she would be calling due to the fact that we haven't spoken since Sunday dinner. I started to ignore, but she just would have called back so i just answered it.


(Bey) "Hello." i said dryly


(Ms. Tina) "Well i see that you still have an attitu--"


(Bey) "What do you want mom because i don't have time to sit on the phone and listen to you nag." i interrupted. She always had something to say and at this point with the way i was feeling, i just didn't feel like dealing with it.


(Ms. Tina) "You better watch how you talk to me. In case you forgot, I'm still your mother." 


She always uses that against me.


(Bey) "Im just not in the mood to be bickering ma, thats all."


(Ms.Tina) "Weeeeeeeell, i was calling because i heard your song on the radio today and i wanted to say it sounds nice. Your voice has really grown from the last time i heard you sing."


I was a little taken off guard because i wasn't expecting that from her, i was waiting for her to say something  a bit more negative.


(Bey) "Oh thanks ma."


(Ms. Tina) "Your welcome. I also want to apologize for what happened at the dinner, i wasn't trying to upset you Beyonce , i was ju--"


Kelly was walking in the and gave me the signal that she was ready to go.


(Bey) "I know ma and Im sorry too" i said cutting her off "look, I'm getting ready to head out but ill call you tomorrow morning. I promise."


(Ms. Tina) "Okay baby, love you"


(Bey) "love you too." hangs up.


Shortly after Kelly and I left, we met up with Angie at a nice little spot in Bed Stye. Spending some time with them really took my mind off things. We did a lot of catching up. I didnt let Angie know what was going on between Shawn and I but i told her we did a song together. I gave a her a few brief details about things between me and Tony, but not about the break and postponing the wedding. Although i could talk to Angie about those things, i just didn't want to. We had so much fun together the 3 of us. It was way different then hanging with Michelle. Michelle was always preaching about things and she didn't like to do a lot of stuff that we like to do. I was shocked she even intended my birthday, but I'm glad she did because we don't see each other as often. After dinner we all drove around New York and decided we would walk around Times Square. Everything was going great until I saw a huge billboard with Shawn's face plastered on it. It was an advertisement for his album release and his concert he had coming up. The minute we saw it, Kelly and i burst out laughing. Angie was confused because she had no clue why we were laughing.  


(Ang) "Whats so funny?"


(Bey and Kelly) looking at each other "Nothing."


(Kelly) still laughing "It's an insider......you just want get it."


(Ang) "No, yal just weird thats all."


(Bey) "You know what we should do?" i said out of of the blue.


(Ang and Kelly) both looking at Bey "What?"


(Bey) "We should have an all  girls trip?"


(Kelly) "Oooh that sounds fun."


(Ang) "To where?"


(Bey) "I don't know yet, but i just know we should go. It should be soon though, before the year ends."


(Ang) "Yea and before you switch over to the married life." she joked.


(Bey's thoughts)
When she said that, i just began to think about everything once again. Tony, Shawn, and the pregnancy. I was tired of stressing, i just want to have fun and enjoy my life. My mood was completely shot down and i was ready to go home.


(Kelly) looking at Bey "It's getting a little chilly out here, i think maybe we should start to head home."


(Ang) "Yea you right and I still have to go back and get my car."


(Kelly) "Alright so let's go."


We dropped Angie off at her car and said our goodbyes. On the way back to Kelly's place, I didn't say much. Kelly could tell i was bothered and she was doing her best to cheer me up, but it wasn't working. When we got back home i told Kelly i was going to bed early, which i was but i just also wanted to be alone. After showering and putting on my pajamas, i just laid there in bed thinking, trying to figure out the best decision for me. I got exhausted about thinking about it and fell asleep. I was just so over everything. 






It's been 4 days later, which was now the end of the week and i still haven't came on my period. Kelly and I were on our way to the doctor so i could see what the hell was going on. We went to a doctor all the way in New Jersey to avoid drama with the press. When i signed in, i even signed in using a fake name and i had dressed down so they wouldn't recognize me. I was called into one of the rooms in the back and they had me strip down and put on a gown. I was laying on the table in the room waiting for the doctor to come in and run her test on me. Kelly was also in the room with me.


(Doctor) "Hello Ms. Jackson, Im Dr. Lamburg and ill be the one evaluating you. I'll be asking you a couple questions, salting with what brings you in today?"


(Bey) "Well it started about......." begins to think "i wanna say a little over 2 weeks ago."


(Doctor) nodding "okay"


(Bey) "I woke up one morning in pain, it felt like cramps but they were more severe. I found myself sleeping more and I was becoming tired often. My appetite has changed and i've even gained weight. I've also have been vomiting as well.  I wasn't sure if it was food poisoning or if i was pregnant."


(Doctor) chuckling "Well that most definitely sounds like symptoms of being pregnant, but what I'm gonna have you do is fill out a few of these forms and run a few test so we can see what the case is. " giving Bey some papers.


(Bey) "Okay" starts filling out the papers.


(Doctor) "But before we start the test i just want to ask a few questions."


(Bey) "Okay"


(Doctor) looking at a sheet of paper "When was the last time you had sex?"


(Bey) "A month ago."


(Kelly) "Damn really?"


(Doctor) Looks over at Kelly "Uhm I'm sorry who are you?"


(Kelly) "Im her girlfriend" she said joking with the Doctor.


(Bey) "No she's not, that's my sister" looks over to kelly "kelly be quiet."


(Doctor) still looking at kelly "back to our questions, when was your last period?"


(Bey) "Lets see it's October....hmmmm.....come to think of it i don't recall having a period last month."


(Doctor) "Okay, and last one, Have you been drinking or smoking in this past month."


(Bey) "I havent smoked at all this month, I'm not much of a smoker but i have been drinking."


(Doctor) "Okay, well that about does it. I'm gonna go get the nurse to come and run the test and we'll have your result shortly after."


(Bey) "Okay, thank you"


(Doctor) Walks out


(Kelly) walking over to bey "You nervous?"


(Bey) "A little bit"


(Kelly) rubbing Bey's shoulder "Your gonna be okay boo, I'm here"


(Bey) "Thanks Kels"


(Nurse) coming in the door "Mrs. Jackson."


(Kelly) going back to sit down


(Bey) "Yes"


(Nurse) "Hi Im nurse Julie and I'm going to run a few test on you."


(Bey) "okay"


The nurse ran her test and did all that she had to do. Shortly after she left out the Doctor came back into the room.


(Doctor) "Okay Ms. Jackson, I just have one last thing to do and we will know for sure"


(Bey) "And whats that?"


(Doctor) "Ultrasound"


(Bey's thoughts) As soon as she said that my heart started pounding, I wasn't sure how to feel at this moment. Watching her rub that gel on my stomach, made my body quiver. As much as i didn't want to sit in this office, i was still anxious to know. When I saw that little spectacle pop on the screen tears just started flowing from my eyes.

(Doctor) "That little spec right there is your baby, i would say you about 7 weeks."


(Bey) "Oh my god...." was all i could say and i couldn't help but cry.


(Kelly) walking over towards Bey "Awww Beeeeey" kelly had started crying too.


(Doctor) "Your tests shows that you are in perfect health, but you stress levels are pretty high. You have to make sure that you maintain a low stress level otherwise it can have a bad effect on the baby."


(Bey) "Okay" i said wiping the tears from my eyes.


(Doctor) "Would you like some pictures?"


(Bey) "Yes please."


(Doctor) "Okay. Also......" handing bey some papers "this here is a paper with your prescription for your prenatal vitamins and a list of foods you will need for nutrition for the baby as will as things you need to do and don't need to do. Take the paper with the prescription to the lady at the front desk and she will give you what you need."


(Bey) grabbing the papers "Oh okay, thank you."


The doctor printed out the pictures and wipe the gel off my stomach. The ultra sound was over and so was my appointment. After getting dress i went to pick up my prenatal pills from the lady. She gave me 2 different bottles. Walking out the doctors office, i think i was more excited after leaving then i was when i came in. The car ride from Jersey to New York wasn't long, it was only about 45 minutes. It was still light out when we left.We had left in the morning so that it wouldn't take up most of our day. Kelly and I did a lot of talking about babies on the way home. As much as i said i didn't want to have a baby, i was actually ecstatic about it. I couldn't wait to spread the news. Now that i knew for sure that i was pregnant, it made really think about working things out with Antonio. I also thought about Shawn and how he was going to react. The last thing i wanted to do was hurt him. We had a very good relationship and i didnt want to jeopardize it. But now was not the time to be thinking about it, like the doctor said, i have to keep my stress levels down.