Chapter 6 "Where it All Began"

It's been 3 days since finding out i was pregnant. After getting the confirmation that I was pregnant it seems that all i do now a days is think about babies. I mean i love kids and i always wanted to have some, but never did i think it would happen to me this early in life. It's seems that everything in my life was just starting to take off and now i'm hit with this. As much as i am excited about having a baby, i can honestly say that im not ready. Well career wise im just not ready. My body and my face is how i make my money. I model for a living and aside from that i have a clothing line I'm working on and not to mention the movie i just did. I cant believe that i forgot about that, well maybe because it still hasn't premiered yet. I've been meaning to catch up with the director as too when the movie is going to be premiering. It's been almost 3 months, how much editing and promoting must they do until it's finished. I also have to meet with team for the start of my clothing line to make sure everything is in order. All these things are the reason why trying to bring a baby in the world is not the best thing for me right now. Also, im still young. I just celebrated my 21st birthday over a month ago. My life is just beginning. All this is just giving me more things to think about and im trying not to stress out about it because i dont want anything to happen to the baby. As I laid on the couch, gathering my thoughts my phone rang. It was Solo. She was probably calling to complain about being over Michelle's house, i know she couldnt deal with all the preaching and bible scriptures. Kelly was off running errands and doing what she does, which was working. I was just chilling out back the house as usual, just figuring things out.


(Bey) "Hey Solo" i said answering the phone.


(Solo) "Whats up Bey, when are you coming back?" she sounded annoyed.


(Bey) "Im not sure, probably not for another week. Why whats up?"


(Solo) "I cant take it over here no more, Im about ready to jump out a damn window. If i have to listen to Michelle tell me another story from the bible, i swear im gon--"


(Bey) Laughing "Okay, okay...i get it. I'll call Angie and see if she could come get you for the rest of the time i'll be gone."


(Solo) "Wait, i thought you said i was going over there anyway when she got back?"


(Bey) "I know, i forgot to call her and remind her. Im about to do it now and have her call you."


(Solo) "YOU BETTER."


(Bey) laughing "okay...well im ca--"


(Solo) "Wait im not done, so i talked to moms today and she told me she talked to you. She also said that you didnt tell her you were going on a business trip either."


SHIT, i knew it would be long before something like this was gonna happen.


(Bey) "Thats cuz we havent been speaking since dinner, and im a grown ass woman i dont need to tell her waht im doing 24/7."


(Solo) "Mmmh Hmm, Well she said she also called Tony and he told her yal were on a break and yada yada yada...how he havent talked to you and some note you left him."


(Bey's thoughts) Oh great, now my mom knows and im pretty sure she told my dad. Tony just talks too much. Thats one thing i always hated about him is that when something happens between us he always runs and tell my mom. He knows i hate when people are all in my business, especially my mom and dad. Thats shit drives me crazy. Im surprised neither one of them called me yet.


(Bey) getting irritated "Thanks Solo, let me call you back."


(Solo) "Wait, are you till gonna call Ang."


(Bey) "You can call her." i said as i hung up.


No sooner after i was hanging up with Solo, somebody was knocking at the door. When i looked out the peep hole and saw my mom standing there, i swear i could have crawled down the side of the building. How did she know I was here, only Kelly knew and i know she wouldnt have told my mom. And Angie, well she didnt know the situation so she couldnt have. The last thing i needed was her in my ear lecturing. As soon as i opened the door, it started.


(Ms. Tina) "Business Trip my ass." she said as she practically barged through the door.


(Bey) closing the door "How you know i was here?"


(Ms. Tina) "I been your mother for 21 years, I know you more than you know yourself." standing in the middle of the living room.


(Bey) "Okay ma, i get it....so why are you here?"


(Ms.Tina) "I should be asking you that, your the one who's getting married in nearly a month."


(Bey) starts getting more irritated "No im not"


(Ms. Tina) "What do you mean your not?"


(Bey) hesitating to answer


(Ms. Tina) crossing her arms "Im listening"


(Bey) goes to sit down "I....I......I postpone the wedding?"


(Ms. Tina) walking towards Bey "Beyonce what for?"


(Bey) "I just have a lot going on that im trying to deal with an--"


(Ms. Tina) "It's because of that guy isnt it?"


(Bey) "Guy? What gu---" i had completely forgot about Shawn, it's been a a while since we've talked ".....Oh Shawn." i said putting my head down.


(Ms. Tina) goes to sit next to Bey "Look here Beyonce, I know your becoming into you own woman and I know you and I may not always see eye to eye, but what ever it is your going through i just want to help you. Just tell me what it is thats going on? I promise I want get mad." she started getting emotional.


At this point I was fed up, i had taken all i could take. Before i knew it tears was falling from my eyes.


(Bey) "Im just not to sure about things." i said crying.


(Ms. Tina) "What arent you sure about?"


I told my mom everything, from Shawn, the night of my party, the kiss, Tony, him leaving all the time, our arguments, and me being pregnant. When i told her, I was expecting her to be all in rage but she wasnt, she was actually understanding.


(Ms. Tina) "I been where you are Beyonce." she said wiping away my tears.


(Bey) "You have?"


(Ms.Tina) "Yup. See before me and your father got together i was with this guy named Calvin Johnson, for about as long as you and Antonio have been together..."


(Bey) "What?!" I was so shocked to hear that because she had never mentioned it.


My mom went on telling me about how she had met my dad on a night she and Calvin got into a huge argument because she was pregnant and he wasnt ready to have kids. Athough they still stayed together because they wanted to work things out, Calvin would distance his self from my mom, making her feel lonely which pushed her closer to my dad. The closer she became with him, the stronger her feelings became. Calvin didnt like the idea of my mom and my dad hanging around each other and he became real jealous, which started effecting his and my mom relationship. My dad didnt care though that my mom was pregnant, he just knew that he loved her. Unfortunately my mom had a miscarriage due to stress and anxiety after breaking things off with Calvin. She and my dad have been together ever since then and got married and had me and Solo. Her whole story reminded me of my situation and really had me thinking.


(Bey) "Do you ever regret leaving Calvin?"


(Ms. Tina) "No, not at all. Although i did love Calvin, my love for him could not compare to the way i love your dad. Sometimes the things we are given in life are not meant to last, they are just simply placed there until something better comes along and if it's meant to be then it's meant to be. "


(Bey) "So what are you trying to say?"


(Ms. Tina) "Im not trying to say anything, it's up for you to decide. You have to follow whats in your heart and what you feel is right."


(Bey) "Thanks mom" i said hugging her "i really needed this conversation."


(Ms. Tina) hugging Bey back "Your welcome baby, Im always here for you regardless the situation. You may not always like what i have to say, but i promise you, you'll thank me in the end." starts to stand up.


(Bey) "Your leaving?"


(Ms. Tina) "Yea, Solange wants me to come get her from Michelle's and take her over Angie's"


(Bey) shaking my head "She really dont like it over there" i said laughing "Well where is Ang, i told Solo to call her."


(Ms. Tina) walking towards the door "She's back in houston, hosting a charity event. She left like 2 days ago, she'll be back on friday."


(Bey) walking behind Ms. Tina "Oh okay.........Well alright mommy, im about to catch up on some sleep then, ill call you later or something." kisses Ms. Tina on the cheek.


(Ms. Tina) "Okay, and Beyonce dont stress your self okay baby?" she said walking out the door.


(Bey) "Alright ma, see you later" closes the door.


I sat in bed and thought about the conversation between my mom  and I. Out of all the talks we then had, that particular one hit me the most. I never felt more close to my mom. It wasnt long though until my thoughts put me to sleep. Mmmm, falling asleep felt so damn good. I wish i could of stayed in that bed all day. I slept so long and so good, that i didnt even realize Kelly was home. I woke up to her singing in the shower. I got out of bed and tip-toed down the hall to Kellys room and stood outside the door. When I got to her bathroom she had stopped singing and she was just getting out, i watched her to see what she was going to do. Just before she was about to come out, i went and hid in her closet, and when she walked into the room i scared her.

                                               




                                        

(Kelly) "OMG....Bey you scared the shit out of me." she said putting back on her towel.

(Bey) laughing "You should have seen your face"

(Kelly) chuckling "How long were you in there?"

(Bey) still laughing "Ever since you got out the shower."

(Kelly) "You are a weirdo" she said laughing.

(Bey) "When did you get home?"

(Kelly) walking over to closet ''Like an hour ago."

(Bey) "I didn't even hear you come in."

(Kelly) "Yea I know, your ass was knocked out."

(Bey) goes to sit down on bed "I be tired..." i said "....im feeling a bit hungry what do yo want to eat?"

(Kelly) grabbing out some clothes "It don't matter, where you going?"

(Bey) "Most likely Paccino's, i got a taste for some pasta."

(Kelly) putting on clothes "Mmmm, thats sound good. But get me a chicken Alfredo with broccoli." 

(Bey) "Okay" getting up from bed "Well I'm about to head out, ill be back in a few."

I grabbed my things and headed out the door. When I pulled up, i had to park on the other side of the street because there was no parking. As i was crossing the street to go in PC's, i saw Shawn sitting outside eating and he had a woman with him. This was the first time i saw Shawn since the last time we've talked. I was nervous because i didn't want him to see me. And i also felt awkward about seeing him with a girl. I'll have to admit I was a bit jealous, I wanted to go over there and interrupt their lunch but i couldn't. I tried to walk pass as if I didn't see them, but as usual i was spotted by Shawn. I noticed him getting up as i was walking closer to the door, he was making his way towards me and i could feel my heart start pounding, i don't know what it is about Shawn that makes me so nervous.

                                        

(Shawn) walking up to bey "Hey stranger."

(Bey) "Hey"

(Shawn) "How have you been?"

(Bey) hesitant to answer "I've been alright, what about yourself, how is everything going?"

(Shawn) "I've been great, just been taking care of business thats all."

(Bey) "Oh okay, thats good to hear."

(Shawn) "Whats been going on with you, i haven't heard from you in a while."

(Bey) "Oh nothing, just been clearing my head of a few things."

(Shawn) "Yea, i understand."

(The woman) "Jaaaaay?" signaling Shawn to come back to the table.

(Bey) turns around to look

(Shawn) "One minute " he yelled out.

(Bey) "Is that your...." i didn't know what to say, i just was feeling awkward.

(Shawn) looking back at Bey ''Thats just a friend of mine."

(Bey) "Oh okay." I was relieved but still unsure, the word friend now a days can go a long way.

(Shawn) "Let me get back over to my table, it was nice seeing you though. We should get together sometime and do some catching up "

(Bey) "Yea that would be nice, and i have to go and order my food anyway, i'll catch up with you later" starts walking in door then turns around "Oh and it was nice seeing you too."

(Shawn) walking back towards table "You have a nice day."

(Bey) "Yea you too."

(Bey's thoughts) I have to admit, I was happy to see Shawn but not with that girl. If anything, i think him and i could remain friends, rather Tony and i decide to work things out or not. I also wouldn't mind having Shawn around either, but i wouldn't push for a relationship just yet because i still would want to experience being single. Shawn is a understanding guy, which is something i respect most about him. He doesn't try to force things. I just wonder about how is he going to feel when he finds out I'm pregnant, that is what scares me the most.

I walked into the place and ordered the food. After about a good 10 minutes of waiting, i received my food and i left. Shawn was gone by the time i left out. I could not stop thinking about him when i left. I really thought a lot about who that girl was. It's been at least  2 weeks since the whole kiss thing and he was already seeing somebody, well i hope not. Friend my ass. I hope it was a relative or something. I pulled back up to Kelly's house a little irritated. Seeing Shawn made me really miss him. I wish things could be so simple. Sometimes I wish I wouldn't have even met Shawn then things between Tony and I wouldnt be how they are. Then sometimes i wish that Shawn and I can be together. I hate that i was feeling like this. I grabbed the food out the car and headed to the door. My phone had went off before i could even get past the car, so i had to put the food down to check it and to my surprise it was Tony calling.