Chapter 9 "Where it All Began"

It's been 2 days since i been out the hospital and things between Tony and I have been real intense. He's been being super nice to me because he know his ass is on thin ice. Since i've been out the hospital i had a lot of phone calls and visits from Ty, Michelle, Angie, Gwen, and other people checking up on me about the accident. Tony was out doing, well i actually don't know. I was kind of glad he was gone because he's been smothering me since i been home. Like i can't even pee in private. Solo was still with Angie and I was at home sitting in bed, eating some vanilla ice cream with lays potato chips, which tasted heavenly. My phone had started ringing, i looked to see who it was, my face lit up when i saw it was Shawn.


(Bey) "Heeeey." i said all excited.


(Shawn) "Hey you, what are you up too?"


(Bey) "Ohhh nothing, sitting in bed eating a bowl of ice cream."


(Shawn) "Mmm, i want some."


(Bey) "Well your just gonna have to get your own, because i don't share." i said playfully.


(Shawn) "Aww you gonna do me like that?"


(Bey) "Yup...."


(Shawn) "Aww thats bold."


We both started laughing.


(Shawn) "You doing something later on?" he asked.


(Bey) "Na, why whats up?"


(Shawn) "I want you to come to the studio with me later on."


I didn't hesitate to answer. It's been a while since Shawn and I hung out and I missed him. I was tired of Tony being all up in my face. I needed to get out.


(Bey) "Yea of course."


(Shawn) "Well shall i pick you up or send for you?" being that my car was totaled in the accident.


(Bey) "Uhmmmm, ill text you to let you know. Just let me know when your getting ready to head out to the studio."


(Shawn) "Okay."


(Bey) "Alright." hangs up


After getting off the phone with Shawn, i went downstairs to take my bowl into the kitchen. I was going to fix me some cereal until i heard Antonio coming through the door. 


(Tony) yelling "Bey.........Beyyyyyyy, where you at?" he sounded all excited.


(Bey) "Im in the kitchen...." i yelled.


(Tony) "Come in here, i have something for you."


(Bey) "What is it?" I said walking into the living room.


When i walked into the living room Tony was holding a dog in his hand sitting on the couch. I got a little excited. I had always wanted a dog.

(Bey) sitting down next to Tony "Tony, what is this?"


(Tony) "His name is munchie, i figured while I'm on the road you could have somebody to keep you company."


(Bey) "As much as i appreciate this, it still doesn't changes things between us."


(Tony) "I know Bey, I know. Im just want you to know I'm trying." he had a frustrated look on his face.
''I know i fucked up, but i just want you to know that i truly am sorry and i never meant for any of this to happen.''


(Bey) "It's a little too late for apologies don't you think Tony."


(Tony) "But Be--"


(Bey) "i really don't feel like discussing it anymore. It upsets me every time i think about it. I'm trying not to stress about things because i don't want it to effect the baby."


(Tony) gets frustrated "Al...Alright." starts getting up. "No matter what happens Bey, my love for you will never change." he walks away and goes upstairs.


(Bey's thoughts) Never in a million years did i think, Tony and I would end up here. When you think you know a person. Man, me being pregnant makes the whole situation between Tony and I even more extreme. The thought of me being  a single mother and losing my first love is all surreal to me. I know it want be easy, but hey it's life.


I played with Munchie for a min, then i decided to watch some tv. About 2 hours later Shawn had called me and told me he was on his way to the studio. Since Tony had fell asleep, i decided to take his car. I went upstairs to shower and get dress. It was now in the evening time but it was still light out. I made my way to Shawn's studio, but when I got there i didn't see him. So i called him.


(Bey) "Hey where are you, I'm sitting outside the studio."


(Shawn) "Oh, i had to run back to the house for something, but i'll be pulling pup any second now. You can go ahead and go up though."


(Bey) "Okay." i said hanging up.


I got out and started walking up to the door when i heard someone hunking the horn. I turned around and saw Shawn pulling up. He was in a different car from last time.

(Shawn) "Whats up Sasha?" he said walking up to me smiling.


(Bey) "Hey Jaaaaaaaay" i said hugging him.


(Shawn) hugging me back "Whaaaaat? You called me Jay."he said laughing.


(Bey) "Yea...well" i said walking in the door as Shawn held it open for me.


(Shawn) turning on the lights "You could go a head and grab a seat, i got to do a few things to do real quick."


I sat there as i watched Shawn work. He was doing some stuff on the computer, I'm not really sure though. But i just sat there quietly looking around the studio until he was finished.


(Shawn) "You want anything to drink or something."


(Bey) "No, I'm fine for now."


(Shawn) "Alright cool."


(Bey) "What are you doing over there anyway?"


(Shawn) "Oh uhm....checking out some beats and emails i was sent."


(Bey) "Oh okay, so when will the album be coming out."


(Shawn) "I think I'm gonna release it in on New Years, so in about a month and a half from now."


(Bey) "Cool."


(Shawn) "Oh that reminds me, I'm doing a show New Years eve at the yankee stadium and i want you to come."


(Bey) "Sure, i'll love too."


(Shawn) "Also with the Grammys is coming up and my album getting ready to drop, I wanted to know if you'll come with me to the Grammys."


(Bey) "Of course i will."


(Shawn) "Alright, bet."


It was quiet for a min then Shawn started playing some music.


(Shawn) "What do you think of this?" he said playing an instrumental.


(Bey) "I like it."


(Shawn) "What if I write you some lyrics for it, do you think you can handle it?"


(Bey) "Like as in write me a song?"


(Shawn) "Yea, i remember how you were telling me that you were considering singing as your new passion, so i figured i would help you out."


By this time, Shawn was off the computer but the beat was still playing. He had moved closer towards me. He was standing up leaning against a cabinet while i was sitting down on the side of him.


(Bey) "Omg, you would do that for me."


(Shawn) "Yea. With you voice and your charisma, you have the potential to be the next best thing."


(Bey) "You really think so?" i asked all unsure.


(Shawn) "I know so...."


(Bey) "I...I.....I really don't know what to say, i mean I'm speechless."


(Shawn) "Just say thanks Shawn, your the best." he said jokingly.


(Bey) "Thanks Shawn" i said getting up to hug him "Your the best." I kissed him on the cheek.


(Shawn) feeling a bit awkward "So how's everything with you and Tony?" he asked changing the subject.


(Bey) sighs and turns around and starts walking around "Oh God, i don't even know where to begin."


(Shawn) "I take it, things are pretty bad huh."


(Bey) "Ugh, ARE they?" sits back down and places her hands on her head.


(Shawn) sits down next to her "It's okay, you can talk to me."


(Bey) "He and I have been arguing none stopped lately. It's seems as though, it's just one thing after another."


(Shawn) "Go on...."


(Bey) "After that talk i had with you that day, that same night i told Tony we needed a break. Then about 4 days ago, he and I made up. Then the day i got into the accident, well before the accident he had told me he could possibly be the father of a 2 year old boy, from some chick he cheated on me with back in high school. "


(Shawn) "Oh damn wel--"


(Bey) "Wait but thats not it...." takes a deep breath and looks hard at Shawn who was staring back at her and says "and on top of all this bullshit thats been going on.....I'm...I'm" i started stuttering "...I'm pregnant."


When i said that, i could tell it bothered Shawn because his whole demeanor changed. As much as i didn't want to tell him, he needed to know. I felt relieved after telling him because i didn't have to hide it no more, well it's not like i was trying to anyway. Shawn just stood there, staring at me speechless. I felt i needed to explain myself.


(Bey) "Look Shawn" i said touching his hand to show that i was serious "I wasn't expecting to be pregnant nor was i expecting any of this to be happening, all this has nothing to do with how i feel about you. I felt it would be easier for me to distance myself from you instead of having you think i was leading you on, because it's not like that. I care about you too much and I wanted to end whatever it was we had going on before it was too late and before our feelings got to involved. But it didn't work because all i could do is think about you."


(Shawn) "Beyonce, you don't have to explain anything to me. I understand all that you are going through. Why you think i told you we need some time apart from each other. I know you are in a tough predicament and i didn't want to make matters worse. And i don't expect you to leave Tony or even be over him so soon either. He's played a major part of your life and i can't change that. All i know is that i care about you a lot, that i would rather just see you happy which means I'm fine with what ever you decide. And you being pregnant doesn't bother me at all, it's life. You have no control over that but god."


(Bey) "I just didn't want you to thin--"


(Shawn) "See that's your problem Beyonce, your worrying about what everyone else is gonna think. It's not about me, it's not about Tony, and it's not about anybody else. It's about what you think..........What's best for you?"


(Bey's thoughts) Shawn response is far from the response i thought he was going to give me. I can't believe i was so scared to tell him. I swear he just made me feel so much better and he doesn't even know. I respect his honesty, it means a lot to me that he cares more about my feelings then he does his own. If only Tony could be like this. Speaking with Shawn has really relieved me of some stress that i was harboring and I'm glad i was able to talk to him.                                                 


(Bey) I appreciate your honesty and I'm gad i was able to have this conversation with you. I feel a whole lot better knowing that we were able to clear there air of everything.


(Shawn) "Like i told you Bey, don't ever feel like you can talk to me about anything. How many times do i have to tell you." he was starting to joke around a bit.


I admired his humor because i could sure use a laugh right now. He knew the right timing for everything. He knew exactly what to say and what to do. 


(Bey) chuckling "I know, I know....but sometimes it's just not that easy."


(Shawn) "Yea i know.......trust me, i know. But you have to feel comfortable enough to address the issues yourself so that it would become easier to speak about them to other people."


(Bey) "I think that comes from me being a private person, so I'm really use to opening up to a lot of people. and expressing myself. And on top of that i hate everybody all in my business."


(Shawn) "I hear that, I'm the same exact way. You just have to find that person you could trust and confide in, someone you know who will understand. Someone who will speak the truth and not judge you for it."


He took the words right out my mouth.


(Bey) "Yessssssss........it's like your reading my mind or something."


(Shawn) "That's because me and you are alike in some ways. And you know what they say, great minds think a lot." he said smiling.


Shawn and I talked some more. He was really making me feel better about my situation. I was glad to hear that my pregnancy didn't bother him. He was so easy to talk too. Talking with Shawn made me feel closer to him. It's like the more i was around him the more i grew to like him. My feelings for Shawn were becoming strong and it was pretty clear how we both felt about each other. But i couldn't jump on things yet between me and Shawn. I wanted to wait until we built a more solid relationship. And besides if things do end between Tony and I, i wouldn't want to just jump straight into a relationship and i know Shawn would understand. We had finished up in the studio, well Shawn had finished up. I was there just  to keep him company. I began to get hungry and my stomach started growling. I guess Shawn heard it because he asked was I hungry. 


(Bey) "Yea, just a little bit."


(Shawn) "Okay, well I'm just finishing up now, so we can head out in a min."


Shortly after, Shawn and I left. We went a couple blocks over to a little bistro restaurant. We ended up walking because it was, like i said it was only a couple of blocks and the night was still young. We got to the restaurant and made our way to the table. It was nice because it wasn't really packed, so we didn't have to deal with a lot of people. We set there looking over the menu for a few minutes the a waiter came walking up to our table.


(Waiter) walking up to table "Hello, I'll be your server today, can i start you off with some drinks."


(Shawn) signals Bey to order first.


(Bey) "I'll have a ice tea, with lemon."


(Shawn) "And i'll have a Coke with little ice."


(Waiter) "Will that be all or are your guys ready to order?"


(Bey) looks at Shawn "Will I'm ready to order to order now."


(Shawn) "Yea, I'm ready."


(Waiter) "Okay, well what can i get you?"


(Bey) "I would like to order your beef brisket and your chicken fettucini."


(Waiter) looks to Shawn "And what can i get for you sir?"


(Shawn) "Uuuuh let me get your...New York City pasta blend, with a side of your crocked pot scalloped potatoes."


(Waiter) "Okay, it will be a minute on your food. But ill have your drinks out in a min."


(Shawn and Bey) "Okay."


(Bey) "This is a nice little spot they have here, i didn't even know this was over here."


(Shawn) "Yea, i come here on nights when I'm working late. Its pretty cool. But i stay at PC's."


(Bey) "Yes, i love me some PC's. I've been going there every since i moved to NY."


(Shawn) "So how long have you been staying here, anyway?"


(Bey) "I've moved here when i was 18, but i came here a lot through out the course of me modeling."


(Shawn) "Oh okay. Yea, i was born and raised and Brooklyn. I will always be a New Yorker."


(Bey) "Although I love New York, i'll always be a Texas girl.......Houston Texas Baby." i said trying to sound tough.


(Shawn) laughing "You look like you got a little roughness in you, ima stop messing with you." he joked.


By this time the waiter had brought us our drinks and shortly after she was bringing out our food. I didn't even hesitate, i dove right in.


(Shawn) "Damn girl, are you hungry much?" he said playfully.


(Bey) talking with some fettucini in my mouth "What you expect I'm eating for two."


(Shawn) "Yea you aint lying." he said laughing.


(Bey) "Hush up punk"

Shawn and I ate our dinner and did a lot of chatting the rest of the night, sharing a few laughs. I listened to him as he told me stories, he listened to me as i told him stories. He made me forget about all of my problems. It was like all my worries went away when i was with him. Im glad we are now back talking. I missed not being able to see him. Im excited about the grammy's and looking forward to seeing him in concert. I felt good knowing he wanted to share those moments with me. After we were done eating we just set around talking some more and Shawn ordered us some wine being that was the only thing i could drink since i was pregnant. I was dreading that i had to go home. I forgot i had Tony's car. And I'm surprised he hasn't called me yet. We were watching people walking along the streets of New York, as we waited for our bill, then once we got it we left. We walked back to the studio and said our goodbyes and left. I wish the night didn't have to come to an end. The whole ride home i just thought  about the day i had with Shawn and how much i couldn't wait to see him again.