Chapter 4 "Where it All Begin"

It's been 2 weeks since my mom's dinner. Solo was now staying with me. I been busy as a bee with shoots, interviews, and doing a lot of press with Shawn for our song and his album. His album wasn't set to come out for another couple of months, so he did a lot of promoting in the meantime. He was also having a listening party as part of him promoting. Tony was a bit jealous about Shawn and I doing a song together but he eventually got over it. The more and more Shawn and I hung around each the more we grew closer. Our phone calls were more frequent and our texts became longer. I even found myself flirting with him at times. Shawn and I were becoming comfortable around each other, I even been to his place a couple times. Kelly was still gone but I made sure i kept her updated, i was hoping should would make the listening party. Shawn had gave me a copy of the album before anyone else had it. He said he wanted me to be the first to have it. I listen to the song Shawn and I did almost every time Im in the car. Tony was at practice and i was just leaving my shoot. Solange called and asked if i could bring her something to eat home, i stopped at Paccino's, the restaurant i ran into Shawn at and got her something to eat. It was close to my house. I was hoping that when I got there i would see Shawn but i didn't. No sooner as i was leaving though Shawn was calling, i swear he must have been reading my mind or something.


(Shawn) "Whats up with you girl, what you up too?"


(Bey) "Nothing just leaving from Paccino's, on my way home."i said getting in the car.


(Shawn) "Aw you gonna go to PC's without telling a nigga though" he joked.


(Bey) "My bad and it's not for me, I was picking my sister up something to eat."


(Shawn) "Oh okay. Well i was just calling to let you know that the car will be at your house around 8:00."


(Bey) "Car???? What you talking about?" i was confused.


(Shawn) "Aw man, don't tell me you forgot the listening party was tonight?"


(Bey) "Shit, I thought that wasn't for another week."


(Shawn) "Girl what you been thinking about?" he joked.


(Bey) "My schedule has been hectic these last couple of weeks, i must have got it mixed with something else."


(Shawn) "You gonna be able to make it huh?"


(Bey) "Yea of course, but let me call you back, I'm pulling up at home now."


(Shawn) "Alright, call me back too" he said then hung up


When I walked in the door, I was shocked to see Tony home. He normally doesn't get back home til around 4, depending on the day. I took Solo's food into the kitchen and called for her to come get it and went and sat on the couch with Tony.

(Bey) "You home early" i said as i positioned myself on the couch.


(Tony) "Yea with the first game coming up they don't want me working to hard, so they told me to go home and rest."


(Bey) "Oh okay.....Well will you be able to come to the listening party tonight"


(Tony) "Tonight, i thought you said it was next week?"


(Bey) "I did, well thats what i thought, then Shawn just called and told me it was tonight."


(Tony) "I don't know Bey, I got practice in the morning." he was trying to come up with excuses because he was starting to get mad.


(Bey) "Well I gotta start getting ready because I'm limited on time." I said getting up.


(Tony) "Do you have to go though Bey, why can't you just stay here with me tonight?" he was feeling jealous.


(Bey) "Yes I have to go and I don't have time to sit here and have a discussion about it. If you don't wanna go thats fine........but I'm still going."


(Tony) "Man whatever man."


(Bey) "Yea whatever" i said walking up the stairs


I was getting real tired of Tony's attitude lately, it seems like every other day we were having an argument.. I knew he wasn't tripping about me going to the party, it was the fact that Shawn was going to be there. See the thing with Tony is that he gets real jealous when with he's see's me interacting with another guy. No matter who it is. Even with TY he gets jealous. I guess he feels guilty for cheating on me back when were in high school, and now that he sees another guy taking interest in me he gets insecure about it. I never told anyone about Tony cheating on me because i don't like a lot of people all in my business. I did tell Kelly though because she's the one i always talk to about things. But although I do like Shawn, i can't say that's enough for me to just pack up and leave Tony, because i still love him. I wasn't trying not to let that little dispute between me and Tony get to me nor let it ruin my night. I was thinking i should call Ty or Angie to come over real quick to help me get ready, but i real was pressed for time so i had to make some shit happen. I searched through my closet for something to wear. I finally found a nice dress to wear, it still had the price tag on it. I put in my rollers, took a nice little shower, got freshened up, and put on my clothes. It was now past 7:30 and i realized I still haven't called Shawn. Just as i reached for my phone to call him, he started calling.

(Shawn) "See i knew you were gonna forget to call me back."


(Bey) starts laughing "I know.....I got distracted with Tony, I had to find something to wear, an---"i said 
trying to come up with excuses.


(Shawn) "Yea, yea, I hear you.......but are you ready?" he interrupted.


(Bey) "Yea, just about."


(Shawn) "Okay, i'll give you 15 extras min.....which mean you better be ready at 8:15" he said trying to sound all tough.


(Bey) "Yes sir" i said sarcastically.


(Shawn) "Haaa you are silly...." he said laughing "i just know your ass better be ready."


(Bey) "I will.......byyyyyye" i said, hanging up.


The whole while i was upstairs getting ready, i noticed Tony never came upstairs. I was for sure he would have came up there by down. After putting on my makeup, i went downstairs, not to really talk to Tony but to see what he was doing. But when i got down there the only person i saw was Solo.


(Bey) "Where's Antonio?" i asked a little mad.


(Solo) turning around to look at me "Oh he left."


(Bey) "What do you mean left?" I caught an instant attitude.


(Solo) "Yea, he left a little over an hour ago."


(Bey) "Did he say where---" turns to the door.


KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK. Somebody was knocking at the door. It couldn't have been Tony, unless he forgot his key. I checked my watch of the time and it read 8:15.


(Bey) looking back at Solo "Oh thats the driver, i gotta go. Text me when he get back." i said walking to  the door.


(Solo) "Okay, and have fun." she said going to close the door.


When I got in the car i noticed Shawn wasn't in the car. I didn't know that when he said a car was coming to get me, he just meant me. I was hoping to see him though, but i wasn't tripping because i would see him at the party. When I pulled up it was paparazzi and people everywhere and I still didn't see Sean. When the driver opened the door there was a big tall guy walking up too me. At this point i was thinking that i should have called Julius.


(The Man) "Mrs. Knowles?" he asked helping me out the car.


(Bey) "Yes" i said grabbing his hand.


(The Man) "Okay follow me"

He escorted me through the crowd making sure I got in safe, I stopped in took a few pictures before going in. When we made it inside, i looked around to try to scope the place out. I was surprised to see all the people that Shawn knew. As i walked further in, i seen Shawn on stage. He looked like he was about to give a speech and he was. He thanked everyone for coming out and gave a shootout to me. As soon as he said my name, everybody focused there attention on me. There were a lot of cheering and applauding. My face got so red and i couldn't stop smiling. Shawn was walking off stage, making his way to me. He couldn't have gotten their quick enough.


(Bey) "Omg why you do that, putting me all on the spot" i said punching him in the arm.


(Shawn) he was still smiling "Ow" he said rubbing his arm "aw did the poor baby get shy." he said teasing me.


(Bey) "You know how I am."


(Shawn) looking around "Where's your boy?" he said assuming Tony would be with me.


(Bey) "Let's not even get on that subject." i said with an attitude but not towards Shawn


(Shawn)  "Oh damn, will alright." he said laughing.


(Bey) "Where's the bar, i need a drink?" i said with frustration, i couldn't get over the whole Tony mess.


(Shawn) "It's this way" he said guiding me through the crowd.


He was holding my hand the whole way. As we were making our way to the bar there were a few people coming up to us saying how much they loved our song and couldn't wait to buy the album. I know for Shawn, he was use to it. But for me it meant a whole lot more.


(Bey) "let me get a sex on the beach...." i said walking up to the bar.


(Shawn) smirks at Bey "Give me a bottle of Spades, we celebrating tonight." shawn said looking at me smiling.


He was so cute with his little chubby cheeks. Every time he smiled, i just lit up inside. I always had a good time with Shawn. He knew how to make a girl feel good.


(Bey) "What we celebrating"


(Shawn) pouring up some glasses "My album, my song, and our friendship" he said "now go ahead and hold that glass up"


(Bey) "Cheers to us then " i said taking a sip of my drink.

 I finished off my drink and the rest of the bottle with Sean. We sat at the bar most of the night talking. We made our way through the party, mingling with friends, talking to people, having fun and cracking jokes. Then we went outside. The night was perfect. Those drinks had me feeling good, Shawn and I were having a good time, and Tony haven't crossed my mine not once. Shawn and I were standing kind of close, both of us were pretty buzzed. All of a sudden our song started playing, we both looked at each other and smiled. We started singing and dancing along. I was having such a good time with him. But sadly the night was coming to an end.


(Shawn) "The car will be here in about 10 mins" shawn said.


(Bey) "Time to go already?" i said trying to sound all sad and i was a little bit.


(Shawn) "Yeeeeeeeea, "he said, his tone was matching mines "i told him to pull around to the back to avoid the press and papparrazi." he said.


(Bey) "Okay, well I'm a go use the restroom and I'll just meet you outside."


(Shawn) "Alright, if you need to find your way to the back go ask Joe, the guy who escorted you in." he said pointing off towards him.


I went to the bathroom and then went to meet Shawn in the back by the car. I didn't need Joe's help because before i went to the bathroom i watched Shawn as he left out. When i walked outside i didn't see Shawn, i didn't know if he was in the car or what. As i went to open the door Shawn jumped from behind the wall grabbing me from the back.

(Bey) "Shaaaaaaaaaaawn, you scared me."


I tried to hit him, but he squoze on me real tight.


(Shawn) "Im sorry, i had too, you made it to easy." he said still hugging me "and i hate when you call me that, my own mother doesn't even call me that." he laughed.


(Bey) "Well excuse me JAAAAAAAAAY." i said trying to mock his name.


(Shawn) "You one to emphasize Ms. SAAAAAAAAASHA" he said "I read up on you in the magazine." he teased, he nudged my head a little bit.


(Bey) "Thats different, it's not like people call me that.......but if you want me to call you Jay  i'll call you Jay." i said trying to compromise.


(Shawn) "I knew you would come around" he joked.


By this time Shawn and i were facing each other, I was noticing him staring at me but i wasn't sure because he had on some glasses.


(Bey) leaning up against the car "What you looking at?" I said playfully.


(Shawn) starts smiling "You in that dress!"


(Bey) "Boy stop" i said, i was blushing hard.


(Shawn) "Na for real, you look real beautiful tonight." he said looking at me.


(Bey) "Thank you" starts looking around "well maybe i should go ahead and get up out of here, i gotta get back to my sister."


(Shawn) "Alright then, let me know when you get home." he said reaching  out to hug me.


(Bey) hugging him back "okay"


(Bey's thoughts) Hugging Shawn, i really didn't want to let go. He smelt so good and being in his arms felt good. I started thinking about the last few weeks Shawn and I have been spending together. We have really gotten close. I don't know what it was but a feeling came over me. Just as we broke apart and made eye contact, i knew something was about to happen.


(Shawn's thoughts) Man Beyonce looks so damn good tonight, it's taking a lot in me trying to maintain my composer. I had a really nice time with her tonight and i wish she didn't have too leave. Being around her these last couple of weeks have really made me grow to want her more. Looking into her eyes, i could tell she was feeling the same thing I was and then the unthinkable happened.....




When i felt Shawn's lips touching mines, my body lit up in flames. After all my days of wanting this and fantasizing about it it was finally happening. I felt so alive. The way that i was feeling, was a much stronger feeling then any kiss i then shared with Tony. The kiss was brief, but it was everything that i wanted. We both stood there staring at each other shocked at what just happened, but at the same time relieved. We both knew how we felt about each other, but never had the guts to say anything. And after this kiss we knew things would be different from here on out.




It was now Thursday, almost a week since i last saw Shawn. I couldn't do anything but think about the kiss between Shawn and I. I felt it was a break through between our friendship, but remaining friends was out out of the question. After that I wanted more of Shawn. I wanted to see him. I wanted to be held in his arms. Hell, i wanted to do the unthinkable with him. But at the same time i couldn't help but think about Tony too. We were getting married in less than 2 months. We already had the venue, the guest list, and the dress. Everything was already set. I was becoming stressed the more i started thinking about things. With everything that's been going on in my life I just needed a break from everything just to clear my head. Tony was gone and we haven't been speaking much to each other since the whole night he left. I still to this day don't know where he went and what he was doing. But at this point I didn't care. I made it back home, showered and went to bed.


Out of nowhere when i woke up this morning, i started feeling sick, I thought it was just food poisoning, so I didn't really sweat it that much. Me and Solo were chilling back at the house. My body was in so much pain so i was happy Solo was staying with me now because she could help out a lot. I was laying in the room, with my clothes off, my body was hot so I opened a window in my room to let in some air. When Solo walked in  the room, I was curled up holding my stomach.

(Solo) "Damn are you okay?"

(Bey) sitting up "Yea, my stomach and my body is killing me."

(Solo) "What are you cramping or something i got some advil i could give you."

(Bey) "I think i might be but i will know for sure in 2 days.  I then took advil, midol, tylenol and some shit I don't think i was suppose to take, if I take anything else Im sure i'll OD." i said trying to joke

(Solo) "Girl you are silly, but i was coming in here to tell you some shit mama told me." now sitting down on the bed.

(Bey) rolls eyes "Nothing about me I hope."

(Solo) "Na"

(Bey) "What she say?"

(Solo) "She was talking about how she had a dream about fish, then start asking was I having sex--"starts side eyeing Bey "......wait......" she said.

(Bey) "What you looking at me like that for, I'm on the pill.....I should be asking you that." 

(Solo) startes to get quiet

(Bey) "OMG SOLANGE.......are you having sex."

(Solo) "WHAT?!.......nooooo" trying to lie.

(Bey) "Stop lying to me"

(Solo) sighs "Okay, yea i am...."

(Bey) "Omg SOLO, with who and why didn't i know you had a boyfriend."

(Solo) "Well cuz you never asked and his name is Daniel"

(Bey) "When did you meet him?" 

(Solo) "back in Houston at a party, 3 years ago, he plays football for Texas Southern University"

(Bey) "Tryna be like your big sis i see" starts laughing "okay back to being serious, when did you start having sex?"

(Solo) "the night of my 16th birthday"

(Bey) "Soooooooolo and you never told me."

(Solo) "Well what you want to say, Hey Bey I'm having sex, so how is you day going" she joked.

(Bey) "You know what i mean and does mama know"

(Solo) "I haven't even told you yet what makes you think i was gonna tell mama, but i think she already know because she's always making comments but she never says it directly."

(Bey) "yea that's ma--" gets up and run in the bathroom.

(Solo) "Bey you good in there?"

 she said following after her.

(Bey) in the bathroom throwing up "Yea......Im........good."

(Solo) peeking in the bathroom "Are you sure your not pregnant?"

(Bey) getting up from the toilet, whipping her mouth "Yea, I been taking my pills."

(Solo) "I don't know Bey, you look pretty bad."

(Bey) washing her face and hands "Im fine, Im sure it's just food poisoning or something."

(Solo) "Well alright, Im about to go back and watch some tv." starts walking out

(Bey) standing over the sink "okay"

(Bey's thoughts) I know i can't be pregnant, I been taking my pills. But come to think of it I'm  not sure if I took last Monday or Wednesday. 

Bey goes out the room and check in the top drawer of her nightstand when she noticed she was missing last Monday and Wednesday.

(Bey's thoughts) Shit. I missed 2 days. I just can't be pregnant, not at this point in my life. Im not one for abortion's if its true that I am pregnant. Oh god, if I am pregnant this changes a lot of things my career, my life, and things with Shawn. I wonder what he's gonna think. Ugh if i wasn't already feeling stressed about things before, then I'm most definitely am now.

I sat down on the bed thinking about things once again. What was suppose to be the most joyful time in my life and now turning into a nightmare. Since i was feeling so horrible and exhausted I thought I would take a nap and just as i laid down my phone went off, I answered without even checking who it was.

(Bey) "Hello" I said, trying to sound like i wasn't in pain.

(Shawn) "Hey......uhm are you okay" he asked all concerned

(Bey) looking to see who it was "Hey Shawn and yea, I'm fine."

(Shawn) "Are you sure because I could call you back."

(Bey) "Yea Im sure"

I was actually happy to hear Shawn's voice. I haven't talked to him since the whole kiss incident, but talking to him made feel somewhat better.

(Bey) "How've you been?"

(Shawn) "I've been good, just been busy with interviews and trying to promote the album. How about you, how have you been?"

(Bey) "I've been alright, I didn't have to work much this week, so i just been relaxing.''

(Shawn) "Cool, Cool"

(Bey) "So whats up?"

(Shawn) "Well I wanted to discuss the night of the party with you?"

(Bey) "What about?" i asked playing dumb.

(Shawn) "You know what I'm talking about.......the whole kiss thing." his tone became more serious. "look we both were pretty buzzed that night an---" he started changing up his words. "Maybe we should talk about this in person."

(Bey) "Yea...okay. "

(Shawn) "Well i'll call you in a little bit, i got this interview I'm going into, i'll call you after."

(Bey) "Alright" i said hanging up.

After getting off the phone with Shawn i didn't know how to feel and what to think. I had no clue what he was going to say. I was hoping to hear nothing but good news. All of a sudden my mood turned bad. I was still having body pains and i was becoming super frustrated. Shortly after hanging up with Shawn, I fell asleep. I slept for about 2 1/2 hours. As I was waking up heard Tony coming through the door. When I got up out of bed, my body felt so weak. It was like i was exhausted to the Max. I put my tshirt on and went downstairs. Solo was still watching tv and Tony was in the kitchen fixing him a sandwich with some chips on the side.

(Bey) walking in the kitchen yawning

(Tony) fixing his sandwich not even looking up at Bey.

(Bey) "Where you been?" i asked.

(Tony) "Nowhere."

(Bey) "What is your deal Antonio? You been acting like an ass for these last couple of weeks, like what is the problem?"

(Tony) "Man I'm not about to deal with this right now." he said finishing his sandwich. 

(Bey) walking towards Tony "So what, your gonna keep walking away and avoid the situation."

(Tony) just standing there looking at Bey.

(Bey) "Where getting married in less then 2 months or did you forget?" i said holding 2 fingers up to his face.

(Tony) turns to look at Bey "No......did you." he said sounding mad.

(Bey) "And what the fuck is that suppose to mean?" now i was beginning to get upset.

(Tony) "You tell me.......your the one running around here with your little friend like you don't have a fiancé."

(Bey) "And your one to talk, need i remind you about the shit you did." i snapped back. 

(Tony) "I thought we were over that" he said trying to calm his tone.

(Bey) "Well it's one thing to forgive and it's another to forget."

(Tony) moving in closer to Bey "Look, you know how I feel about you around other guys, i can't help it and i just don't like that." he said sounding remorseful.

I began to get all emotional at this point, but i don't know why. It was like i was having mood swings or something. I didn't want to hear anything else Tony had to say.

(Bey) "I just wanted you to be happy for me, but it seems all you want to do lately is fuss" starts walking away "You know what, i can't even deal with this right now." walks out the kitchen.

(Tony) follows after Bey "Where you going Bey" he asked all concerned, he was feeling bad about what just happened. 

I was so over Antonio's constant complaining about me hanging with Shawn, all i wanted to do was just leave. Solo was still on the couch when all this was going on but she didn't hear even of it because she had fell asleep. I went up stairs and put on some clothes and Tony came walking in the room.

(Tony) "I said where are you going Beyonce" he said trying to stand in my way.

(Bey) grabbing her keys off the dresser "Get out my way Antonio"

(Tony) "Baby look Im sorry, okay." he said trying to hug bey.

(Bey) "Get off of me" she said pushing him and walked out the room.

Bey was gone before Tony could even catch up with her. She drove around for 2 hrs straight, not knowing where to go. Kelly was gone and Angie was gone with her. Solo was too young to understand. Mama Tina was out the question. And all Michelle would do is start preaching.

(Bey's thoughts) Ugh that man just makes me sick sometimes. All i wanted was for him to be happy for me and be supportive, but no his ass wanna go all loco. Shit like this is the reason i second guess if marrying him is the right thing. He gets so jealous and insecure at times that it drives me crazy. I use to think it was cute, but now that I'm older i don't think it is. I hate to argue and Tony knows that, especially if it's something as dumb as this. I'll just leave before it starts to get too much. He's the reason behind all our arguments. The way I'm feeling right now, especially with being sick, i don't have time to deal with anything. God I wish Kelly was here.

 After about 30 more minutes of driving I pulled to the side of the rode and sat there with my head on the steering wheel. It was still kind of light out, but it was gonna be dark soon. Thank god for tinted windows, cuz I aint got time for the paparazzi. I set in the car and cried for 10 mins, then my phone with off, assuming it was Tony, i didn't bother to check it, it was just a text anyway. About 20 more mins had gone by and had went off again, this time it was ringing.  I wiped my tears from my face, cleared my throat and picked up the phone, at this point I was about to let Tony have it.

(Shawn) "Whats up Bey, what you at too?"

(Tony) i spoke with every ounce of rage "LISTEN HERE....." i snapped.

(Shawn) "Woah, hold on na.......what i do" he joked but also serious.

When I realized the voice wasn't Tony, i checked the caller id to see who it was and it was Shawn. My heart sanked in my chest, i didn't mean to snap on him like that and i also didn't want him to see that side of me.

(Bey) embarrassed to speak "....I....I...I-Im sorry Shawn, I thought you were somebody else." i said, my voice was a lithe shaky because i had been crying.

(Shawn)  "Oh no it's cool....But ....uh are you okay?"

(Bey) "Yea Im fine" i said lying

(Shawn) "You don't sound like you are, whats going on, talk to me?"

(Bey) Sighs "Im just dealing with a lot right now"

(Shawn) "Wanna talk about it?"

(Bey) thinking about it "Yea, where are you now?"

(Shawn) "I just left my interview, Im coming down South Shore Drive now and about to make a right on 79th. Where you at?" he asked.

(Bey) "Im at the end of Nostrand Ave, just sitting."

(Shawn) "I'll be there in a few" he said then hung up.

(Shawn's thoughts) When i heard Beyonce's voice when she answered the phone, i immedaitely knew something was wrong. She made me forget why i was calling her in the first place. I wanted to talk to her about the other night but i knew now was not the time. it'll just have to wait, right now she needs me.

When I saw Shawn pull up and get out the car, all my thoughts of Tony and the argument went away. By this time it it had gotten darker. Seeing him made my mood shift into a lighter direction, although i was still upset. Shawn started walking up to the car, i wasn't sure if i should have gotten out or not, but he soon answered that when he was opening the passenger door. When he got in, i didn't want to look at Shawn, i didn't want him to see that i was crying, although he already knew.

(Shawn) "Why you crying?"

(Bey) still not looking at him "Im not crying."

(Shawn) turns Bey's head around "Who you think you fooling?" he asked. It was obvivious that i was lying "So whats that?" he asked catching a tear that was coming from my eye.

(Bey) wiping her face, turning towards Shawn "Im glad you came........I could really use a friend right now."

(Shawn) looking hard at Bey "So whats up, whats on your mind?"

(Bey) puts her head down and look away

(Shawn) grabs Bey by the chin and turn her around "What i tell you....." he said looking into her eyes "don't ever feel like you can't tell me anything." he tone got more serious.

(Bey) "I rather not even talk about it" 

(Shawn) "It's better to just let it out, then too hold it all in"

(Bey) sighs "..........Im having doubts about some things."

(Shawn) "Things like.....?"

(Bey) "Getting married and my career."


(Shawn) "And why is that?"

(Bey) "Don't get me wrong, I love Tony with all my heart but lately i feel things have just been moving to fast."

(Shawn) "What do you mean?"


(Bey) "I been with Tony for the past 10 years and I've been modeling since I was 5, doing pageants and photo shoots. Im 21 and I'm getting married in 2 months. I never had a chance to experience life on my own or do something that i really love. "


(Shawn) "So whats stopping you?"


(Bey) "I don't know. I mean modeling was all i knew, well aside from me singing in all. But after doing that song with you really made me second guess my passion."


(Shawn) "What about your relationship?"


(Bey) my eyes begin to fill with tears "I love Tony, lords knows i do. But i wanna see what will my life be without him. Im 21 for god sake's and i never been single. Besides Tony, your the only other guy that i caught feelings for."




(Bey's thoughts) It felt good, letting Shawn know how i felt about him. I was tired of beating around the bush. I want to address the whole kiss thing with him, so i can see where his head is at. I know he feels the same about me otherwise he wouldn't have kissed me. Im not too sure of how things are going to go between Shawn and I, but at least he can know how i feel.


(Shawn thoughts) After Beyonce kissing me I wasn't too sure about how she was going to react afterwards. We went almost a week without talking about it. Now she's here telling me she has feelings for me, even though i knew all along but it's completely different when that person is confessing them to you. I hate to admit, but I don't want her to jeopardize her life and her marriage because of me. As much as I'm feeling her i just can't allow it. I just can't have that on my conscious. I know now wasn't a good time, but we really needed to discuss the situation.


(Shawn "Look Bey, we need to talk about somethings."


(Bey) "What about?"


(Shawn) "It's pretty clear that we're feeling each other..." he said "but it's also pretty clear to know that your still in love with your fiancé."

(Bey) "What are you trying to say Shawn?" 


(Shawn) ''Look I don't want you to make a permanent decision based on temporary feelings.......i guess I'm just trying to say that you have a lot you need to figure out right now and I know me being in the picture is not going to help."


(Bey) As soon as he said that i started crying.


(Shawn) "With the whole kiss thing, we were pretty buzzed and i feel we got caught up in the moment. But i don't regret it happening."


(Bey) I still couldn't find any words to say.


(Shawn) "Once you get your head clear of what it is you want, then maybe we can get somewhere. But for right now you and i just need time apart from each other."


I didn't want to have to stop seeing Shawn, but he was right. Things were starting to get out of control and i needed to get it together.  I needed to figure out things between Tony and I and if marrying him was still in the picture.


(Bey) "Your right Shawn" i said still crying.


(Shawn) "I care about you a lot Beyonce and i was just wanna see you happy. I also want you to make the best decision for yourself. Rather you marry him or not, I'm gonna always be here for you."


(Bey) wiping her face "Thank you Shawn"


There's a brief silence.


(Shawn) "Look, it's getting pretty late so i think I'm gonna go ahead and get up out here." he said opening the car door to get out.


(Bey) "Okay."


(Shawn) standing outside of bey's door "Can i get a hug before I go?"


(Bey) getting out the car "Sure"


(Shawn) hugging bey and whisper's in her hear "You take it easy kid....." then he kissed me on my forehead and walked away.

After saying goodbye to Shawn, i set in the car for a few moments just recapping all that i told him. Now it was time Tony and i talked. At this point I wasn't sure how things between Tony and I would go, all I knew was that I needed time to gather my thoughts and determine my decisions.