Chapter 15 "Where it All Began"

After waking up from the best night ever, i thought that i would be in a great mood. Apparently not. I woke up to my stomach hurting so bad. It kept feeling like i had to go to the bathroom or something. I was laying in bed tossing and turning and moaning and groaning from pain. Shawn was already up but he was in the shower. I started calling for him because i didn't know what else to do. After about the 3rd time i called him, he was walking out the bathroom.

(Shawn) "Whats up Bey, whats going on?" he said walking over to the bed.

(Bey) her face was full of pain "Aaaaah my stomach is killing me." i said curling up in a ball.

(Shawn) starts sitting on the bed "Oh Bey, you dont look good."

(Bey) just moaning from pain.

(Shawn) "Well your appt isn't for another 2 days, do you just wanna wait until then or i can take you now."

(Bey) "I don---" starts groaning "uggggggggh."

(Shawn) "Let me puts some clothes on cuz I'm taking you to the hospital."

As Shawn was putting on his clothes, i felt the urge to go to the bathroom. I walked to the bathroom slowly, holding my stomach. I got into the bathroom and proceeded to use the bathroom and when i did i notice that i was leaking blood. It's odd because once you are pregnant your periods stops. I began to get all worried. I started panicking and screaming for Shawn again. He came rushing in the bathroom.

(Shawn) "What happened? Are you okay?" he asked all concerned.

(Bey) "I'm spotting and I'm not suppose to, well at least i think I'm not."

(Shawn) starts panicking "Okay, lets go."  he said practically snatching me off the toilet" Come on put your shoes on. We gottta go."

The way Shawn was acting, you could tell he was more tripped out then i was. When he grabbed me off that toilet, i barely had enough time to wipe my self. He started fidgeting and pacing around as if i was going into labor, i was actually amused by it.

(Bey) putting on my shoes "Would you calm down, you act like I'm going into labor or something" i said letting out of laugh. "Your making me even more nervous."

(Shawn) "Well you want me to do, your talking you spotting and in pain?" stops pacing "What the fuck is spotting anyway?"

(Bey) laughing "Come on punk" looking at Shawn, who was speed walking "Your a trip."

(Shawn) "Oh I'm glad you think something is funny, it could be something seriously wrong and you up here making jokes."

I couldn't help but laugh at him. He was actually making forget all about my pain, but i still needed to go to the doctor though, i didn't understand why i was feeling like this. We pulled up to the hospital in a good 15 mins. I think if Shawn would have blew through those red lights we would have got there waaaaaay sooner. We pulled in to emergency and the valley came to get our car. I walked in using the Ms. Jackson name i gave them when we were in Jersey, but i wasn't fooling anybody. I walked to the front desk and told them my situation, immediately they called for the doctor i was assigned to and when she called for me, Shawn and I followed her to the back. I was once again in the small  room, laying on the bed in my gown they gave me. I sat there a few moments until the doctor came in.

(DR.) "Hi, uhhh Ms. Jacks---" looks at her paper again "Ms. Knowles, I'm not sure what to call you. but I'm Dr. Malone and i'll be assisting you today." 

(Bey) "Ms. Knowles is fine..."

(DR.) looking at Shawn "And you must be Dad."

(Shawn) "No, well yea you can say that." he said looking at Bey.

(DR.) "Oh okay." she said smiling "Well lets get back to you Ms. Knowles, so whats been going on?"

(Bey) "Well this morning i woke up and I was feeling real bad, like my stomach was hurting, i kept feeling like i had to use the bathroom, and when i did use the bathroom, i saw that i was spotting."

(DR.) "Oh i see, well when you say that you stomach was hurting, would say it was like cramps or was the pain down in your uterus."

(Bey) "Both."

(DR.) jots down something on paper "And how far long are you Ms. Knowles?"

(Bey) starts to think "I'll be 9 weeks in 2 days."

(DR.) marks on paper "Okay and have you been taking your prenatal's regularly?"

(Bey) "I've been taking them, but i have missed a couple days."

(DR.) "Okay, Well now that those questions are out the way, can you slide back on the table for me and spread your legs."

I looked over at Shawn and saw his face expressions, he seemed like he was a bit into it but at the same time weird out. I slid down on the table with my legs spreaded out, the doctor walked over to me with a glove on her hand. Before i knew she was sticking her fingers up me. I jumped at the awkwardness of how it was feeling and laughed at Shawn who was standing there watching. When the doctor pulled out her fingers i saw that it was blood on her glove. Instantly i stared to panic again. 

(Bey) sitting upward "is everything okay?"

(DR.) going over to the sink to wash her hands and dispose of the glove. "Well we'll see in a minute."

The doctor left out the room and came back in a few minutes later with a nurse. I began to get worried, i had no clue what was going on. She started checking my blood pressure, my pulse levels, as well as my stress and energy levels.

(DR.) "Uhm Ms. Knowles" she started off talking " do you mind laying back down again."

(Bey) "Sure" i said in a fearful tone.

The nurse put on some gloves while the doctor prepared for an ultra sound. Shawn started pacing again back and forth. I swear to god, this man can not be subtle for anything. I was feeding off of Shawn's energy. The doctor started doing the ultrasound but it was taking longer than usual. This time when she was doing the ultrasound, there was no sound of a heartbeat. When i realized that  jumped up in the middle of the ultrasound. Both the doctor and the nurse was just standing there staring at me.

(DR.) "Are you okay Ms. Knowles?"

(Bey) "Why don't i hear a heart beat?"

(DR.) "Well Ms. Knowles from the looks of things" she said looking at the nurse, then back at me "......im sorry to say but you've experienced a miscarriage."

(Bey) "WHAT?" instantly broke out into to tears. Shawn rushed over to my side to comfort me.

(DR.) "It's seems that your health and everything were all good, it's just that your stress levels were still extremely high. Higher than when the first time you came in."

(Bey) "I can't believe this."

(DR.) "Im sorry for your lost but we still have one last thing to do and i'll give you a minute and you can be on your way after that, i just need you to lie back down on the table."

I laid back down, my eyes were filled with tears. I felt the nurses hands inside me once again and this time they went a little bit deeper. When she pulled out her hand this time i saw her holding something, she went over to a small table and set it on the board. I just knew that was my child, my unborn child i will never get to meet. I couldn't do anything but cry.

(Bey) "Is that my ba----" i couldn't even get my words out, i started crying out of control.

(DR.) "Would you like to see?"

(Bey) still crying "No, i can't."

Shawn had his hand placed on my shoulder, letting me though he was there. I turned over towards him and fell out crying.

(Shawn) "Uhm could you give  us a minute."

(DR.) "Sure, we're finished here anyway, of you need anything just ring. Also here's a prescriptions for some antibiotics needed to be taken in order for your body to readapt to it's original state."

(Shawn) taking the paper "Okay thank you."

(DR.) "Your welcome" she said walking out, with the nurse following behind, they've also taken the board with them.

(Shawn) holding Bey rubbing her back. "It's okay Bey, it's not your fault maybe it just it just wasn't meant to be."

(Bey) wiping her face "It's completely my fault, i never even wanted the baby from the start and when i did, it was taken away from me."

(Shawn) facing Bey to look at him "Don't talk like that, you don't know what your saying right now. Look, lets just get you home so you could get you some rest and we'll just go from here."

I got up off the bed and changed into my clothes. I asked Shawn if he could go turn in my prescription so that i could have a minute to myself. I needed to get myself together. I was overwhelmed by the news, because i wasn't expecting it. I was also confused because i felt i wasn't stressed at all. Aside from that break down i had, i felt i did pretty good at maintaining my stress levels. I just couldn't believe it, i was so mad, angry, and hurt. I just wanted to go home and crawl into bed. I met up with Shawn in the hallway and then we made our way to the car. The whole car ride was very tensed. Shawn kept looking like he wanted to say something but he never did. When we got home, i went straight into the bathroom. I stripped out of all my clothes, turned the shower on and got in. I couldn't help but think about the thought of losing my child. I also couldn't help but feel guilty because deep down inside i was a little relieved that i was longer pregnant. There was so much i wanted to do that i couldn't do if i was pregnant. After taking a nice long relaxing shower, i came to accept what has happened. It was a bittersweet feeling.

KNOCK. KNOCK.KNOCK. Shawn was knocking on the door.

By this time i was out the shower,  i was siting at the mirror in my robe, just gathering my thoughts.

 

(Shawn) walking in the room "How you feeling?"

(Bey) looking at him through the mirror "I don't know...."

(Shawn) walking towards Bey "Are you gonna be okay?"

(Bey) "Yea i will, i mean i don't have a choice."

(Shawn) sitting on bed "Do you want to talk about it?"

(Bey) "No, not really."

(Shawn) "Alright, well could i get you anything?"

(Bey) "No, I'm fine."

(Shawn) "Okay" he said going to kiss Bey "Well Ye wants me to meet him at his house, is it alright if i go?"

(Bey) "Sure, go ahead. Just don't get into any trouble." i said trying to crack a joke.

(Shawn) smirking "This time, i want." he said letting out a laugh.

***(Kanye Place)

I made it to Ye place, i haven't since being released from jail, so i decided to go check up on him. The door was unlocked so i walked right in. He was sitting on the couch rolling a blunt. I guess came right on time.

(Shawn) "What up man?"

(Ye) turning around to look "Aw shit, what up bro?"

(Shawn) "You better start locking that door, you never no who might pop in."

(Ye) "Shit, if they brave enough......cuz ima have something for their ass."

(Shawn) sits down across from Ye "Ha, you silly man."

(Ye) laughing "But that was probably Kelly ass, she was just over here and shit and got mad at me and left."

(Shawn) "Oh shit, so what yal exclusive?"

(Ye)  starts lighting up the blunt "Uuuuuh, you know. We just figuring things out right now, but that girl is something else."

(Shawn) chuckling "Yea, i hear you. Bey a trip too. I uh, went into the hospital with her today because she wasn't feeling good and it turns out she had a miscarriage." 

(Kanye) takes a puff "Aw man, how she holding up?" takes another puff "Thats probably where Kelly on her way too."

(Shawn) grabbing the blunt from Ye "I actually don't know. She seemed cool when i left, but i know that shit eating her up inside." takes a puff

(Ye) "You know, i gotta ask right?"

(Shawn) taking another puff "Ask what?"

(Ye) grabs the blunt from Shawn "Was it yours?"

(Shawn) "What man.....No. I mean I'm not trying to say it like that, but it was from Antonio?"

(Ye) starts to think "Antonio.....An...ton...io. Ooooooooooh ANTONIO." he said finally realizing.

(Shawn) "Yea. I aint tell you i had a fight with that nigga......twice."

(Ye) passes the blunt to Shawn "WHAT." he said sounding all surprised "Na, you aint tell me."

(Shawn) "Yea the first time i fought with him, she was in the hospital and i came to see her and then the second time, i walked in on him fighting with her." taking a puff

(Ye) "OH HELL NA, that nigga then lost his mind." he said getting all mind "I know you handled your huh"

(Shawn) taking another puff "Oh yea, for damn sure."

***(Back at Shawn Place)

KNOCK.KNOCK.KNOCK.

When i heard a knock on the door, i got confused. I wasn't expecting any company. I looked out the peep hole and saw it was Kelly standing out there. I was shocked to see her because normally she calls.

(Bey) opening the door "Hey Kel, what are you doing here?"

(Kelly) walking in "I came to see you of course" she said hugging me and kissing me on the cheek, i could tell she was lying. I could tell she was a little bothered.

(Bey) closing the door "Your a lie and a half, whats up with you?"

As soon as i said that she started rambling on.

(Kelly) "Girl, that man is working my last nerve. He is a pain in the ass."

(Bey) assuming she was talking about Kanye "What did he do?" i said letting out a laugh.

(Kelly) "Nothing but talks shit all day long, he too damn goofy that i don't even know when he's being serious or not."

(Bey) chuckling "Oh lord" i said walking into the kitchen "Yal too are a mess."

(Kelly) following behind me "So whats been up with you and Shawn lately?"

(Bey) "Things have been going great." pulling out 2 glasses and a bottle of wine, their usual "well i had to go to the hospital today."

(Kelly) "Really what for?"

Bey starts pouring her and Kelly a glass of wine.

(Bey) handing Kelly her drink "Well i wasn't feeling good when i woke up, like i was spotting and my stomach was hurting bad and when i went to the hospital to see what was wrong, it turns out i had a miscarriage." 

It was easier for me to say it this time around versus hearing it the first time.

(Kelly) sits her drink on the counter then goes to hug Bey "Awww BB, are you okay?"

(Bey) hugging on to Kelly "Yea im fine, truth be told it's actually a bittersweet feeling."

(Kelly) "Why you say that?"

(Bey) "Well you know at first i was skeptical, you know with my career and everything and now that Tony and I aren't together and just seems are much more easier now."

(Kelly) "Yea i understand."

(Bey) "And Shawn was telling me how it's not my fault and that things are meant to happen for a reason, so maybe me having a baby just wasn't meant to be."

(Kelly) "It could never be your fault and i don't want you to ever feel like that, but I'm glad you have Shawn to keep you occupied, i haven't seen you this happy in a minute."

(Bey) "Yes, i know just last night, i had came home from my meeting and he had the whole place decked out with rose petals and candles everywhere. He ran me up a nice hot bubble bath, massaged me, and honey, no need to tell you the rest." i said smiling, taking a sip of my wine.

(Kelly) "Ooooooh Bey! I wanna know.....was it big?" she said chuckling.

(Bey) "Oh my God Kel, and Big aint the word. But we didn't do that."

(Kelly) "Hmmmm" she said nodding her head "No when you say yal didn't do that, what do you mean?"

(Bey) "It's not what we did, it's about what he diiiiiiiiiiiiiiid." 

(Kelly) "Daaaaaaamn, well okay. Applaud to Shawn for putting in work."

(Bey) "Why your asking about me and Shawn, let me ask you about you and Kanye?"

(Kelly) "Whaaaaat? What makes you think we're even doing anything?"

(Bey) gives bey a look "Don't give me that shit!" i said laughing. "I wanna hear how Kanye puts it down."

(Kelly) "Oh dude got stamina, TRUST."

(Bey) "GOD Kelly, already?" i teased "How long has it been?"

(Kelly) starts looking around "It's been longer than you think, we just haven't been telling anybody."

(Bey) "What?" i said all surprised "You mean to tell me, yal been messing around for a while and I haven't known. Hmp, i see where our friendship lies." i joked.

(Kelly) "It's nothing serious though, where just having fun."

(Bey) rolls her eyes and takes a sip of wine "I bet."

***(Kanye's Place)

(Shawn) "We all got to get together sometime and hang out."

(Ye) "Yea that would be trill, the 4 of us together."

(Shawn) "Yea most def." checks the time "Alright man, i should be getting back to Bey, I'ma catch up with you later." starts standing up and walking to the door.

(Ye) "Alright, Jay man. Don't forget, we got to set that up." he said following Shawn to the door.

(Shawn) "Bet, alright man, I'm out." walks out the door.

(Ye) yelling out the door "Tell Bey i said hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. " he said laughing.

(Shawn) chuckling "Aye man, you better watch out." 

(Shawn's thoughts)

Chilling with Ye, was much needed. I was glad i was able to catch up with him. Now i have to get back to Bey, i hope she is feeling better once i get there. I hate to see her like that. Maybe i should get her something to eat. 

(Shawn's Point of View)

Before going home i decided i would stop at PC's to get Bey something to eat. I picked her up some cheese cake and her favorite pasta.  And besides she hasn't ate much today. It didn't take me long to pick up Bey's food nor go back my place. As I was walking up to the door i heard Bey and Kelly talking in the kitchen, they hear me come in. I stayed in the living to ease drop on their conversation, i heard everything they were saying about me and Ye. I found it amusing. I didn't know that woman actually talked like this. I still didn't want them to know i was in, i wanted to sneak up on them. I slowly walked passed the kitchen towards the dinning room, and hid around the wall. Man the way these two were, somebody could have came in and slaughtered them both. I set Bey's food on the table and took my keys and threw them into a wall in the living room. It made a loud bumping sound, both Kelly and Beyonce jumped and they stopped talking.

(Bey) sitting her drink down "Shaaaaawn" she yelled out.

(Bey's Point of view) 

Kelly and I were in the kitchen talking when we heard a lot thump from the living room. We both jumped and stood there looking at each other. I assumed it was Shawn, but it's odd because i didn't hear him come in. I tried calling out to him but when he didn't respond i got scared.

(Bey) whispering to Kelly "Go see who it is?"

(Kelly) whispering too "Shit no, you better take your ass out there."

(Bey) "Okay well come with me."

(Kelly) "alright" starts following after Bey "Wait" she said grabbing a hold to her.

Kelly turned around and grabbed the holder to the paper towel.

(Bey) gives Kelly look

(Kelly) "What?"

(Bey) "Really Kel, whats the hell i that going to do?........get a knife or something."

Kelly turned back around to grab a knife but still holding the paper towel holder. We started tip toeing towards the living room and to peek in the but we didn't see anything. We started making our way to the dining room and as we peeked around the wall, we just saw a face, but wed didn't see who it was. We both started screaming, but i tool off running to the door. Kelly ass was standing there beating them with the paper towel holder. I turned back to see if she was ok, and when i saw that it was Shawn standing there, i just feel out laughing. Kelly was really giving it to Shawn, and poor Shawn was just up again the wall all defenseless.

(Shawn) "Hold up, hold up it's me Shawn" he said finally breaking away from Kelly. 

(Kelly) holding her heart "Shawn what the Hell? And my bad you scared the shit out of me."

(Shawn) "GOT DAMN GIRL" he said holding his head "I know never know not to scare your as again. You was trying to kill a nigga."

(Kelly) laughing hard "Shit i went to automatic survivor mode."

(Shawn) starts laughing "And look at Bey ass" who was still over by the door laughing "She was about to get the fuck on."

(Bey) getting up laughing "Shit it was every man for themselves."

(Kelly) still laughing "You aint shit."

(Shawn) "Thats shit was funny as hell" still holding his head "Fuck my head hurt."

(Kelly) "Oops my bad" going over to hug Shawn "Im sorry."

(Shawn) hugging Kelly "It's cool, yo was playing no games though."

(Bey) walking to the table to get her food "Ooooooh is this for me."

(Shawn) sitting down in the chair "Yea."

(Bey) "Yaaaay, cuz i was starving." i said all excited to eat.

(Kelly) coming from out of the kitchen "Well I'm gonna get going, you know who is being a pest, let me go see about that."

Shawn and Bey both laugh.

(Shawn) "Yea you going to go see about something alright" Shawn teased.

(Kelly) "Whatever Shawn" she said walking towards the door.

(Bey) hugging Kelly "Bye Kel."

(Kelly) "Bye babe"

Kelly walks out and Bey closes the door.

(Bey) turning around to see Shawn still holding his head "Aw my poor baby, you okay."

(Shawn) "Hell na, my shit hurting."

(Bey) goes to sit on Shawn laps "I bet i can make it feel better." she said kissing on Shawn.

(Shawn) starts sitting back in the chair "Well make it feel better than." he said get all aroused.

(Bey) "But first i gotta eat, I'm hungry" i said getting up laughing "I can get you some ice in the meantime."

(Shawn) "You always teasing me, man. That aint right." he said in a humorous form.

(Bey) bringing Shawn and ice pack "What type of girl do you think i am, you have to fed me first." i teased.

(Shawn) placing the ice on his head "You should let me do all the eating." he said smirking.

(Bey) sitting down to eat her food "Well when I'm done eating you could eat all you want." i said chuckling.

(Shawn) giving Bey a look "Well I see your in a better mood, thats good. Im glad you are." gets up and walks in the living room.

(Bey) smiles "Wait where you going?"

(Shawn) "In here to catch the game."

(Bey) "Okay."

I ate at the table, while Shawn watched the game. I could have went in there to eat and watch the game with him but i didn't feel like carrying it any of it in there. I only ate about half the pasta. By the time i had finished eating the game was off. I grabbed my cheese cake and decided i would go in there with Shawn to chill with him. I walked in and found him sleep, with his head cocked back on the sofa. I instantly started laughing. He mouth was wide open and everything. I crept up on the couch so that i wouldn't wake him, i scooped some whipping off the cheese cake and started wiping it on him. It was so funny. He had cream all over his face and neck. I pulled out my phone to take a picture but the sound of the camera and the flash from the phone woke him up. I hurried up and popped off the couch with my phone and my cheesecake and stood near the couch laughing. 

(Shawn) "Whats so funny?" he said looking at me.

(Bey) still laughing "Nooooooooooothing."

(Shawn) "What you do?" he started sitting up on the couch.

(Bey) "What made you think i did something?" i asked trying to sound all innocent.

(Shawn) "Thats cuz you sneaky." he chuckled.

Shawn started checking his clothes and around him to figure out what was wrong. I all could do was stand there and laugh and eat my cheese cake.

(Shawn) slides his hands across his face "Oh hell na" he said and started getting up.

When Shawn got up, i took off running. He chased me into the Kitchen, the living room, the dinning room and finally he tackled on the bed after running into the room. I held the cheesecake up so that it wouldn't fall. As Shawn held me down, i just laughed and laughed, it was so funny.

(Shawn) "Oh you think this funny." he joked.

(Bey) laughing "Yea..."

(Shawn) "Oh i got something for you." he started tickling me.

(Bey) rolling around laughing "Wait......Your gon.......your gonna make me ....spill my cake." I could barely talk i was laughing so hard.

(Shawn) "I don't care, matter of fact give me that cheese cake." he said snatching it away.

Shawn took the cheesecake from me and and starting wiping it all over me. I mean not how i was wiping it on him, he had the whole slice in his hand.

(Bey) "Aw man, i really wanted that."

(Shawn) "You should of thought about the before, you just started a war now." he said laughing.

He still had me pent down.

(Bey) trying to get up "I give up, I give up."

(Shawn) "Na i aint gonna let you go that easy, you still owe me something."

Shawn started licking all on my neck, in all the spots where he had put cheese cake.

(Bey) "Wait, at least let me go take a shower."

(Shawn) "We could shower later" he said still licking on me.

(Bey) "But.........But......But"

After that i had giving in, well a little. If Shawn thought i was going to have sex like this he had another thing coming. I let it go on for a min. I mean he was kissing, touching, licking, and rubbing in all the right places. I can tell now, how things are going to be between Shawn and I. We're not gonna be able to keep our hands off each other. I started biting down on my lips as i felt Shawn's hand go under my shirt. He started unbuttoning my pants and i could feel mona start to act crazy. Yes mona, i had to name it. I mean when mona gets in the mood, i start to become a whole other person. Shawn started sliding his hands inside my pants but then i felt hand pull them out. He stopped doing what he was doing and sat up on the bed. I sat up right after him.

(Bey) "Whats wrong?"

(Shawn) "Oh nothing, I'm just not in the mood anymore."

(Bey) "Was it something i did, i mean like did i turn you off or something?"

(Shawn) slides closer to the end of the bed "No, it's taken a lot in me just to stop, i was just thinking that maybe we should wait a little while longer before we take it there."

(Bey) confused "What? Why?.........im fine with it."

(Shawn) gets up off bed "Well it's just............." takes a deep breathe "Will with you not being pregnant anymore, its makes things a whole lot different."

(Bey) gets quiet and sits with her head down.

(Shawn) turns around and sees Bey siting with her head down "I.....Im sorry, i don't mean it like that." starts sitting back on the bed.

(Bey) "No, i understand."

(Shawn) "It's just that with everything that has happened today....it just really blew my mind."

(Bey) "Yea me too and i was just getting use to the idea of being a mom."

(Shawn) "Look i don't want to talk about this no more and i don't want you too either. You were in such a good mood and i want to keep it like that." he said grabbing Bey's hand.

(Bey) "Yea, lets not." kisses Shawn and gets up from bed. "Well ima go get washed up and I'm a put my pi's on, you wanna go in the front and catch a movie?"

(Shawn) "Yea thats cool, I'm go get showered too."

 

(Bey) "You showering with me ooooooor???"

(Shawn) getting off the bed and walks towards door "No i think ima just go into the guest room."

(Bey) "Alright." i said and walked into the bathroom.

I went and showered and Shawn went too shower as well. While showering i thought the whole miscarriage thing and that brief moment Shawn and I had. It seem like when he was talking to me he seemed just as hurt as me, like it had taken an effect on him. I didn't know it bothered him so much. Although i was taken off by it, my evening with Kelly and Shawn kept me up. Being around them, made me not think about it so much. Things between Shawn and I lately have been becoming real extreme, it seem like things are moving at a fast pace. Although i was happy with the way things were turning out, i didnt want things to spiral out of control between us, so earl in our relationship. After being over here for so long, i decided I was going to spend some time at home to give Shawn and I some pace between us. Since i was meeting with the decorators tomorrow, i figured tomorrow would be the day. Shawn and i would still see each over and spend time together, but i just wouldn't be over here as much as i am now.

(Shawn's thought) 

As much as i wanted to have sex with Beyonce, i know that now isn't the right time with her having a miscarriage and all. Her body still have to adjust to the changes, and it just seem awkward to me to try to have sex knowing what has happened. Beyonce and I have been together for a short amount of time and I'm still adjusting to things between us. We haven't even been together a full month, and we've been only hanging for the past 2. It's pretty clear that we do feel strongly for each other but she is just getting out of a relationship and i know how that can be. With her having the miscarriage, i feel she should take some time to herself. No matter how hard she tries to hide her pain, i know it's really hurting her. I remember how i felt, when i found out Aaliyah was pregnant, but she also had a miscarriage. We never told anybody because it happened early on. We both were excited about having the baby and were planning on announcing it until it happened. With Bey having her miscarriage, it brought back memories. Even if Bey, went on and decided to have a baby i still would care for her and them. I am relieved though because that mean we don't have to deal with Tony. Maybe one day in the long wrong if Bey and i do last, we could have one of our own.

When i was finished showering and getting dresses, i went into the living room to meet Shawn. He was already out on the couch watching tv. I crawled onto the couch and cuddled up next to him. I was thinking in my head of how i was going to break the news to him, i was just hoping he wasn't going to take it the wrong way.

(Bey) "So what we watching?"

(Shawn) "Friday, this movie never gets old." he said chuckling.

(Bey) "Yea i know."

It had got silent for a few minutes. We on watching tv and then finally i started to speak.

(Bey) takes deep breathe "Hey was thinking?"

(Shawn) still watching tv "Thinking about what?"

(Bey) "Well i've been at your place for a while and i've feel like i been here too long, so i was thinking hat maybe i'll go home for a few days."

(Shawn) focusing his attention on Bey "And why is that?"

(Bey) starts sitting up "Well it's just that we've been spending a lot of time together and i fell things between us have been becoming more extreme, well in other words, i just feel like things between us have been moving to fast."

(Shawn) scoots to the end go the couch "You know what, i actually couldn't have agreed more with you. Im still getting over Aaliyah's death and you having a miscarriage brought me back to when Aaliyah had her's and it's just really blowing my mind."

(Bey) "Aaliyah was pregnant?" i asked all shocked.

(Shawn) "Yea.......she was." he said in a low tone.

(Bey) moving closer to Shawn "Shawn, I uh---"

(Shawn) "I know. You don't have to say anything. It's life shit happens." he sounded all sad.

(Bey) places her chin on his shoulder "I didn't know you felt like this but I'm glad you told me. Im also sony if i was a burden on you, i didn't mean ti be."

(Shawn) places his hand on Bey's thigh "You don't have to apologize. I enjoyed you being here. We both were going through tough times and we needed each other. I know for you, things were a lot crazy, I had too be strong for you to keep you on track."

(Bey) "Oh Shawn" i said kissing him. "Im glad i have you, you have been making my life so much better, i don't know what i would do with out you."

(Shawn) "Im glad i can" he said laying back on the couch "So when are you leaving?"

(Bey) "Tomorrow, i have to meet up with the decorator's anyway, so i figured i would go then."

(Shawn) "Oh okay."

(Bey) "I mean I'm still gonna come over and all that and i still want us to hang, but i just want be over as much as i do."

(Shawn) "Ok, thats fine. But what are you going to do about a car?"

(Bey) "Fuck, i forgot all about that? ...........Well i can have my driver take me around until i make time to get my car."

(Shawn) "If you want, you could have one of mines."

(Bey) "What Shawn? No i can't."

(Shawn) "Yea you can, i have plenty."

(Bey) "Bu---"

(Shawn) "Well how about this, you can use one of them instead of having to be driven around, until you make time you get your car."

(Bey) starts thinking "Hmmmm, okay. I can do that."

(Shawn) "Alright, but you can have anyone but the porsche."he joked.

(Bey) rolls her eyes "Deal." i said laughing.

Shawn and I cuddled up on the couch and watched tv until we fell asleep. The couch was big enough for both Shawn and I to be on there together. We covered up with a blanket that he keeps by the couch, just in case a night like this happens. I was happy to have talked to Shawn about things and was glad he and I was on the same page. I loved that Shawn and I could talk about things with each other and we could be so open and honest with other. I feel if we continue to communicate with each other he and i could go far. Shawn and I have been together for a brief time but these past couple of months i've spent with him have been the best. I cant wait to see where things can go between us.